


Don't Get Around Much Anymore

by SkylarEQuinn



Series: InkVerse [3]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 17:23:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 70,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10223321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkylarEQuinn/pseuds/SkylarEQuinn
Summary: InkVerse WWII Human AU. When Toris Laurinaitis is sent to visit family friends in Poland, he comes across a beautiful girl his first day there. Captivated by her beauty, Toris can't stop thinking about her. As he looks into it more, he finds out that the girl is actually a boy his age named Feliks Łukasiewicz, something he never expected. But why is he still on his mind?





	1. Chapter 1

Mid-Summer, 1939, A Small Lithuanian Village

Toris Laurinaitis laid back in a field and stared up into the sky. He watched the clouds float by and felt jealous of their freedom. Clouds could go anywhere, do anything, form into anything. With that much freedom and creativity, anything was possible. The jealousy Toris felt came from the fact that he had never been too far from this stupid village. Anything would be better than spending the rest of his life in some stupid village.

"Toris!" he could hear his mother calling from their house at the top of the hill next to the field. "Toris, it's time to come home!"

With a sigh, Toris sat up. So much for freedom. He blinked his large, blue eyes and rubbed at them a little before standing up to his full height. He was the tallest in his family, which was made up of him, his mother, his father, and his younger sister.

"Toris!" shouted a female voice much higher than his mother's. Dalia, his ten-year-old sister, was running down the hill toward him, her long, chestnut hair flowing behind her like a cape. "Toris, it's time to come home!"

Though Toris wouldn't dare admit it out loud, Dalia was one of his favorite people. He was very protective of her. Being sixteen, he felt it was his job to be. The older brother was always supposed to look after his younger siblings, especially his younger sister.

"Dalia, you're supposed to wait for me at home," Toris scolded, walking toward the hill. He stared down at her when they reached the bottom at the same time. They had the same blue eyes. "Come on, let's go back up."

"This is my least favorite part," she complained, grabbing Toris's arm as a crutch.

Toris stifled a laugh. "Then don't run all the way down the hill to come get me next time," he teased.

"Nonsense, Toris! You know I love to run down that hill!" Dalia clung a little tighter to him as her pace began to slow. "It's just that I hate this hill. So much." She began to pant a little.

Toris stopped and bent down. "Climb on, Dalia," he said. "You're still weak from your fever yesterday." Even though she tried to argue, Toris got her to climb onto his back and let him carry her up to the house. "What is the hassle?" he asked, walking into their home. "We don't usually do things on Fridays."

"The Sabbath begins tonight, Toris Laurinaitis," Ingrida Laurinaitis scolded. She wiped sweat from her brow. "Or have you forgotten?" She was busying herself around the house. "Now Dalia needs to help me clean. I can't do any cleaning tomorrow, and you can do all the cloud watching that you wish on the Sabbath. Now, Toris, go and see what your father would like done."

"Yes, Mother," Toris said, helping Dalia off his back so she could do her chores as well. He went off to find his father out behind the house. "Father, is there anything that would need to be done?"

Tavas Laurinaitis turned to his son, his blue eyes holding a tired expression. "Toris, my boy, would you please water and feed the animals? The sun will be going down in an hour or two. Could you please handle those things while I take care of making sure the crops are maintained?"

Toris nodded. "Of course, father." He took off toward the barn, chicken coop, and stable. It would be quite the job, but he knew he could do it. After all, if his father could handle the crops in that amount of time, he could handle the animals.

He soon found himself talking to the horses and cows as he fed them. "How are you today, Anya? You're a good girl." Toris patted the beautiful horse on her raven-colored mane. "Maybe I'll take you on a ride soon. But that's only if you're good." He sneaked her a sugar cube. "Be good for me, all right?" As if on command, Anya nodded, which caused Toris to smile. "That's my girl."

"Talking to the horses again?" Dalia asked, leaning against the stable door.

"Am not," Toris huffed, picking up the bucket of carrots that rested next to his booted foot. "What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be cleaning?"

"Mama asked me to come and get you," Dalia said. "It's nearly sundown. We need to get to the house. Are you finished with your chores that Papa gave you?"

"Just finished," Toris said, placing the bucket on a hook in a closet in the stable. "Let's go, Dalia. I need to lock this up." He led the way out and locked up. "I think we all made great time today." He looked out toward the setting sun. "Now let's go inside and help Mother."

.

Toris laid in his bed that night, thinking very hard. He was so tired of his life. Everything seemed so dull and boring to him. Every day it was the same thing. Every week it was the same routine. He felt stuck in a rut, and he wanted out. Wasn't there anything he could do?

"Toris?" Tavas asked, knocking on his son's door. He opened it and Toris looked over at him. "Your mother and I have been thinking a few things over. We were going to save it, but we figured we shouldn't wait." Ingrida stood behind him, a smile on her face, as they entered her room and shut the door after them.

Toris sat up on his bed. "What is it?" he asked, confused. He wasn't sure what was going on, but judging by his mother's face, he was certain it wasn't something bad.

"We know how you have always wanted to travel," Ingrida began, "so we have decided to allow it." Her green eyes sparkled in the shine of the lantern in Toris's bedroom. "Instead of going to school next semester, we have decided to let you visit with some friends of ours in Warsaw, Poland."

Toris's eyes widened. "Really?" he asked in disbelief. "What has inspired you to do this?"

"You are a good son and a wonderful student, Toris," Tavas told him. "You always do what you are told, and you do well with your schooling. Why shouldn't we reward you for doing well?" He smiled at how happy his son looked. "But there is one catch."

Toris looked at him curiously. "What is the catch? Do I have to take Dalia with me?"

"No, dear," Ingrid quickly assured, shaking her head vigorously. "Not Dalia"

"You will be taking your cousin's son Raivis with you," Tavas answered. "The boy doesn't get out much, and he really looks up to you. We were hoping you could help him overcome his shyness."

Toris nodded. "Well I can surely see what I can do." He had only met Raivis about three times in his life, and had no problems with the boy. "I think those are reasonable conditions."

"Now, at any signs of danger," Ingrida began, "Raivis is to be your top priority. Do you understand me?"

Toris nodded. "Raivis will always come first," he repeated. "I will always make sure he is safe, Mother. He will be top priority to get to safety in any dangerous situation."

Tavas bit his lip. "And there is one more very important thing, Toris," he slowly said. "You are to never, under any circumstances, tell anyone there that you are Jewish. I know you are proud of your Jewish heritage, but you are to never let anyone know that you are."

Toris nodded, his heart racing in his chest. Why was his father so worried about that? Did he know something that Toris didn't? "I will not," he promised.

"But in doing so, please remember to keep the Sabbath holy," Ingrida reminded. She sighed when Tavas gave her an irritated look. "Just don't let anyone know, Toris."

"Why is this so important?" Toris asked.

"It is to keep you and Raivis out of danger," Tavas said. "He will be told the same thing. Do not wear a kippah. Do not celebrate the Sabbath like we do at home unless it is in secret with other Jewish people who know what they are doing and won't get caught."

Toris's heart was beating at an unhealthy pace. He felt as if he would faint at any moment. "Mother, Father, you're scaring me. Are you sure I should go to Warsaw?"

"As long as you do as we told you, you will be just fine, Toris," Tavas told him. "Just remember what we told you, and everything will be okay."

.

A week later, Toris found himself on a train with his twelve-year-old cousin Raivis. Raivis Galante was a young Latvian boy who always seemed to be nervous. He trembled, no matter what kind of situation he was in. He had short, mousy brown hair and huge, blue eyes a few shades lighter than Toris's.

Toris tied his dark brown hair up, feeling like it was too hot in their train cab. "Are you excited, Raivis?" he asked his cousin, hoping to get some conversation out of the boy. Anything would be better than sitting in silence.

Raivis looked up at him and began to tremble. "Y-yes," he slowly said. "I am very excited! I have never been to Poland."

"Neither have I," Toris admitted with a small smile.

Raivis's eyes widened. "You haven't? But you are so much older than me! I figured you have been everywhere, Toris!"

Toris almost laughed, but chose to grin instead. "Why would you think that?" He guessed that Raivis really did look up to him like his parents said. "I always did wish to travel, though. Maybe fall in love while far away. Meet a nice girl and bring her home to my parents." He shrugged. "You never know."

Raivis smiled a little. "If I met a girl while far away, I would never take her back to Latvia." He bowed his head. "I would never go back home. I would just stay with her forever." His silence after that lasted so long that Toris was about to say something before Raivis continued with, "I'm hoping that an adventure will happen while we're here in Poland, an adventure so huge that I'll never have to go back to Latvia. I hate it there so much, Toris."

"But what about your family?" Toris asked. "Won't you miss them?"

"I'm not stupid, Toris," Raivis answered. "I know why they wanted me to come with you. I am the youngest of six. I am the nervous one who shakes. I can't do much around the house. They want me gone. I know they do. So maybe it's best that I don't come home from Poland. Maybe it's best that I find another family for myself."

Toris frowned. "Well I'm glad that you came with me and that I get to spend time with you. Maybe I can help you find that family, if that's what you really want."

Raivis nodded. "It is, Toris. It's what I want more than anything. I want a family that won't point out how 'useless' I am due to my nervousness. My own parents talk about me when they think I can't hear them…And all they do is talk about what they can do about me…"

"I am sorry that they do that, Raivis," Toris softly said. "I really am. That is not fair to you. Let me help you find a family for you then. I will not tell my parents, and I will not tell yours either. You have my word. We are family, and I will not betray you."

"But you will betray my parents?" Raivis asked, looking up at him.

"After hearing what they do and say about you, I will," Toris answered. "I will find a better life for you, Raivis. You deserve it. Life in Latvia does not sound good for you. And who knows? Maybe I'll even find a better life for myself and never return to Lithuania. I guess neither of us know what the future has in store for us, no?"

Raivis smiled. "You are right, Toris. There is no knowing what the future may have in store for any of us. No one knows the future."

"There is only one thing I want to know for sure in the future," Toris stated. "I want to know that I will hear from you in the future. I want to hear that you are safe and well and healthy."

"I will write to you whenever I can," Raivis promised. "After all, if you help me like you promised, I will be forever in your debt. Anything you ask of me, I will do."

Toris shook his head at Raivis. "Let's not talk about debt, Raivis. Debt should not be something that exists among family. Family should not talk of debt."

Raivis bowed his head, nodding. "You are right, Toris."

Toris smiled. "Now, let's talk about you. What do you do these days?"

"When I have the time to, I'll lay in the fields and just watch the clouds drift by, wishing that I could just drift away with them…" Raivis admitted with a lost look in his eyes. "They can just go wherever they wish while I have to follow command and orders."

Toris almost wanted to laugh. "I do that, too!" He smiled as he saw Raivis's face light up. "But look at us now. We're heading to Poland. And if we really wanted, we never have to go back."

"It would be nice to never have to go back," Raivis agreed, nodding. "I would love to never go back." He yawned and leaned back in his seat.

"You should get some rest," Toris said. "I'll wake you when we get there."

Within moments, Raivis was asleep, leaving Toris awake and alone with his thoughts. He had no idea how alike he and Raivis really were. It intrigued him that Raivis was a dreamer and stared at the clouds with the same thoughts he had. Maybe it was a better idea than he originally thought to bring Raivis along. And with Raivis's idea to make this an adventure where they never had to go home. The more he thought about that, the more appealing it sounded.

.

Mid-Summer, 1939, Warsaw, Poland

When the train stopped, Toris softly shook Raivis until he woke. But when Toris looked out the window, he saw a beautiful woman. She had shoulder-length blonde hair and dazzling green eyes. He was immediately smitten. She was so beautiful that he couldn't look away.

The girl turned around unexpectedly and locked eyes with him. She remained staring at him like that and put her hand to her lips and let out a silent giggle. Her eyes were green like the grass in spring and had an almost teasing sparkle in them. It was like she was trying to draw Toris out of the train with the look in her eyes.

Toris was so captivated that he couldn't hear Raivis calling his name. He couldn't hear or see anything but her. Nothing was on his mind except for that beautiful Polish girl.

"Toris!" Raivis nearly shouted, punching his cousin.

Toris snapped back to reality, turning to Raivis. "What is the reason you are punching me?" he demanded, turning to the boy. "Let's get off of the train."

"That is what I have been saying!" Raivis huffed. He shook a little, but Toris could see that he was trying to calm it. "What was distracting you?"

"Her," Toris said, turning back to the window. Yet when he looked out, the girl was no longer there. But he knew for a fact that she was no longer there. He blinked a few times. "Raivis, I swear there was a beautiful girl there. She was just…" He shook his head. "Let's just get to where we were supposed to be."

Raivis nodded. He led the way off the train, muttering, "Getting distracted by Polish women…"

Toris couldn't get that girl off of his mind the whole walk to the house where they would be staying. She was just too beautiful. Her skin was like ivory. Her hair was the color of wheat at the time of harvest. And those beautiful green eyes! She was the type of girl who was worth staying in Poland forever for!

"Toris Laurinaitis?" a woman asked, opening the door to a house that Toris knocked at. She had cautiously opened the door. Her blonde hair fell past her shoulders and her gray eyes had a tired look in them.

Toris nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he told her. "And I have with me my cousin Raivis Galante."

The woman opened the door wider. "Welcome to our home, boys. My name is Aldona Jagoda. Come inside and I will introduce you to my husband Lech." She put a hand on her lower stomach, which Toris noticed bulged out a little. Aldona was obviously pregnant.

"Is it your first child, Aldona?" Toris asked.

Aldona's eyes widened as she smiled happily. "Yes," she told him. "It is. Lech and I are very happy to have a child. We have wanted one for many years, and the Lord has finally granted us one."

"The Lord is good," Toris quietly agreed, bowing his head as he entered so he didn't hit it on the top of the doorframe due to his height.

"You are so tall," Aldona admirably observed. "Would you mind helping around the house when you can? Lech gets so tired lately."

"Of course, ma'am," Toris agreed with a nod. "I would be honored to." He smiled widely. "So could you tell me a bit about Poland?"

"I would love to," Aldona said, leading Toris and Raivis into the living room after shutting the front door. A man with graying hair lay on the couch. He seemed half asleep but seemed to wake right up at the sound of Aldona's voice. It made Toris smile, wanting a love like that. "Poland is a beautiful place. We have so much to offer here."

"There are beautiful women here for sure," the man said, smiling at Aldona.

Aldona blushed and gestured to the man. "Toris, Raivis, this is Lech, my wonderful husband. Lech, this is Toris," she said, gesturing to him. "He's Ingrida and Tavas's son. And this is his cousin Raivis, who has accompanied him." She smiled at the two boys. "We are so happy to have visitors!"

Lech smiled at Toris and Raivis as he sat up. "I am pleased to meet the two of you. I apologize that my Lithuanian isn't very great. I hope you two pick up on Polish soon enough. If you need help learning it, just talk to us about it, and we'll teach you. After all, we have you until January, I believe."

Toris nodded. "Thank you, Lech. Raivis and I are very grateful." He nudged Raivis with his elbow, who trembled as he gratefully nodded as well. "Raivis is very shy and nervous, but he won't be once he gets comfortable around you, I assure you."

"So, Toris, tell me," Lech began, "do you have a girl waiting for you back in Lithuania?"

Aldona smacked at him, blushing. "Oh, Lech! What a question to ask a young boy!" She turned to Toris. "You don't have to answer that, Toris!"

"I don't," Toris answered. "But I saw the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life when I first got here today…"

"Really now?" Aldona asked, blinking in surprise. "What did she look like? Did you talk to her at all? Tell us more!"

"She was lovely," Toris began. "She had shoulder-length blonde hair and beautiful, green eyes. Her skin was pale."

"Was she very flat-chested?" Lech asked.

Toris didn't see why that was important, but the thought back. Even though that wasn't what he was looking at, if Lech wanted to know, he could at least tell him. "Yes," he finally answered after putting some thought into it. "She was."

Lech burst out into uncontrollable laughter as Aldona looked like she was holding back giggles. "You don't want her, my boy," he said through roars of laughter. "I can tell you that much right now!"

"Well, why not?" Toris asked, blinking in surprise from the reaction they had.

"If you want the honest truth, she's a he," Lech answered. "Her name is Feliks Łukasiewicz. He's messed up. He truly is. You might want to stay away from him. He's trouble."

Toris thought about the girl he saw. There was no way that was a boy. He knew what he saw! No way in hell was that a boy! It couldn't have been!


	2. Chapter 2

Toris woke the next morning to the sound of food sizzling in a skillet. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the small room he and Raivis shared, noticing that Raivis hadn't woken up yet. He smiled at his young cousin and went to see who was cooking.

Aldona was in the kitchen, cooking eggs in a skillet and humming happily to herself. Her pale, blonde hair was tied up in a green ribbon that matched the dress she was wearing that day. She was smiling as she flipped the eggs over in the skillet and continued humming.

Toris wasn't sure how to make his presence known without startling her. He made his footfalls a little heavier and decided to talk to her while walking in. "Aldona?" he asked.

"Good morning, Toris," she greeted, smiling brightly at him as he walked in. "Would you like some breakfast? I'm making eggs and toast for Lech at the moment, but I would gladly make you anything you'd like as soon as I'm done."

Toris smiled. "I think I'd just like some toast, please," he answered.

"If you're sure that's all you would like, feel free to help yourself to that pile right there," she said, gesturing to a pile of toast on the countertop. She continued humming happily. It sounded cheery and uplifting.

"What are you humming?" Toris asked. He was curious as to what song it was, considering the fact that tunes were sometimes deceiving to how the song really went.

"It's some song in English that's on the radio sometimes," Aldona said, smiling. "I don't really understand the words, but it sounds pretty." She hummed more of it. "Do you understand English, Toris? Your parents were always bragging about how smart you were."

"Yes, I can understand and speak English, but I wouldn't say I am fluent," Toris said, blushing at the fact that his parents bragged about him. "My parents had me start learning it a few years ago, and I picked up on it quickly. I still get a little confused sometimes on some things, though."

Aldona smiled at him. "I knew you were a smart boy. You probably learned English very quickly and will most likely pick up on Polish quickly as well."

Toris blushed again. "I don't know about that…" He nervously played with his long hair. "I mean, it's possible, I guess…"

She grinned. "Look at you, getting flustered like that. You definitely are still just a schoolboy after all. If you're staying here for a semester, your parents might want you to attend school here."

Toris looked up at her, panicked. "What?!"

Aldona laughed brightly. "I am only joking, Toris! You startle easy!"

He nervously laughed, now understanding how Raivis was always so nervous. "You got me," he nervously said.

"You do not need to attend school," she said, smiling. "A lot of boys your age in our village don't attend school. Most of them work, and some just stay at home and do God knows what."

"Aldona, may I ask you a personal question?" Toris asked, sitting at the table after grabbing a slice of toast.

"Hmm?" Aldona hummed to him.

Toris took that as a yes. "What is your religion? You have mentioned God twice since I have met you."

"I am Christian," she answered immediately. "But I do not judge others based on their religion, race, or morals, because I believe it's God's place to judge men." She turned to Toris. "Does that answer your question, Toris?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yes, thank you." Toris nibbled on his toast a little as he thought about Christianity. He wondered if it was similar to being Jewish. He wondered if her God was the same as his God.

"I am aware that you and Raivis are Jewish," Aldona stated quietly. "Be very careful, Toris. It's not safe to be openly Jewish in Europe these days."

"Why is that?" Toris asked, eyes widening.

"I can tell your parents have kept the truth from you," she sighed. "I don't know how much to tell you. But a new man has come to power in Germany, and they're coming for the Jewish people of Europe. I want you to stay safe. You're a good kid, Toris. Please keep yourself and your cousin safe."

Toris nodded and felt his stomach twist into a knot. He had no idea things were getting that bad. Sure, he had heard rumors of that while on the train to Poland, but he thought they were only rumors. He didn't think they were actually true! His stomach sunk into his gut and he lost his appetite, yet he knew he had to finish that piece of toast.

"I'll keep Raivis safe," he promised Aldona, just like he had promised his parents. As he thought back to making that promise to his parents, he realized there was no way they couldn't have known about what Aldona had just told him. That was why they told him to be careful and not tell people he was Jewish. It all made sense to him! He didn't know how to feel about the whole situation. It made him almost sick. He felt lied to.

Aldona smiled at him. "If anyone could keep him safe, I know it's you, Toris." She flipped the eggs onto a plate and put three slices of toast on the plate as well. Her hand patted his back. "Could you watch the stove while I take this to Lech, please? I don't want to have to shut it off and turn it back on."

"Of course," Toris answered. "I would gladly do that for you, Aldona."

She winked at him and smiled. "I knew I could count on you, Toris." With that, she quickly left the room, a plate in one hand and a large glass of milk in the other.

Toris stared at the stove and thought about what had just been said. He had never felt so scared in his life over how he had been raised. His hands wouldn't stop shaking. At least his whole body wasn't trembling like Raivis's.

Raivis! He couldn't find out about any of this! Toris had to make sure of that. He had to tell Aldona and Lech not to tell him. Raivis couldn't find out about any of this unless his life was in serious danger!

Aldona walked back into the kitchen. "Toris, you look so pale," she said with a frown. She placed a gentle hand on his forehead. "What's wrong?"

"Raivis," Toris simply answered. "Don't tell Raivis what you told me about the Germans. He wouldn't be able to handle it."

Aldona's eyes held a look of understanding. "I won't tell him. And I'll make sure to tell Lech not to. Raivis already seems nervous enough."

Toris nodded. "Thank you for taking notice of that."

Aldona smiled. "What kind of hostess would I be if I didn't notice something as crucial as that?" She patted Toris's head. "I think you underestimate me, Toris Laurinaitis."

Toris smiled. "Not at all, Aldona."

She grinned at him. "Toris, why don't you go out and explore the neighborhood? Who knows, maybe you'll find your lovely lady that you saw yesterday? If Raivis wakes up, I'll take care of him and feed him for you. He's in good hands here. You deserve to have fun."

"I think I'd like that," Toris said. "Thank you, Aldona. I'll go and get dressed into clean clothes and go out for a walk." He got up and headed to his and Raivis's room, his younger cousin still sleeping soundly on his cot. Toris smiled at him, almost jealous of how ignorant Raivis was to the troubles going on in the world. He wished he could still be like that.

.

Toris wandered the streets and was looking for a field to lay in. It was too bad that this village didn't have any that weren't occupied by large animals or weren't owned by people. He sighed as he became discouraged of finding a place to watch the clouds.

"Newcomer!" a voice called. It was definitely a male's voice, but when Toris looked around he didn't see a man anywhere. In fact, he saw that girl he saw when he was on the train. "What are you looking for?"

"Where is that voice coming from?" Toris asked, looking around. He turned to the girl. "Do you hear that voice?"

"It's me, you idiot!" the girl yelled at him, only the girl's voice was definitely a male's voice, the same voice that called to him. "I'm the one talking to you, so pay attention to me!"

"How did you know to speak Lithuanian to me?" Toris asked, shocked.

"You came on the train from Lithuania," the girl, or boy, sighed. "Duh!" They groaned. "You're already boring me. My name's Feliks. What's yours?"

"Um, I'm Toris," he said. "And isn't Feliks and boy's name?"

"I am a boy," Feliks answered. He sighed again. "You are just impossible, Toris."

"You are confusing me," Toris groaned. "If you are a boy, why dress like a girl?"

"You ask too many questions," Feliks complained. "Why do you have to do that? Anyway, what are you looking for?"

"I just want to find a field to lay in," Toris said, realizing how stupid that sounded when he admitted it out loud. "I like to watch clouds and think."

Feliks thought for a moment. "I don't know of a field, but I know of another place you could go if you'd like." He smirked at Toris. "But I'll have to go there with you."

"I wouldn't mind," Toris said with a shrug. His stomach was starting to tighten once more. Who was this weird crossdresser? Could he be trusted? He looked about his age. "How old are you, Feliks?"

"I'm sixteen," Feliks causally answered, inspecting his hands and nails. "And how old might you be, Toris?"

"I'm the same age as you," Toris answered, blinking in shock. "I just didn't expect us to be the same age is all."

Feliks laughed. "Expect the unexpected, Toris." He motioned for Toris to follow him. "Come with me. I'll show you the perfect place to watch the sky."

Toris had no choice but to follow. He walked with Feliks through a maze of alleyways before they approached a series of steps leading to a door. Toris stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "Feliks, I don't feel comfortable going into the home of a stranger just to get a good look at the sky."

Feliks smirked at him. "But it's not the home of a stranger. This is my home, Toris." He laughed and unlocked the door with a key. "Just trust me, Toris. You'll get a great view."

Toris held his breath for a moment and weighed his options in his head. He could easily fight off Feliks if anything were to happen. His father had taught him self-defense when he was young. This would be easy. With that in mind, Toris ascended the stairs into Feliks's home.

Feliks led him through a nicely furnished home after shutting and locking the door after them, which made Toris slightly uncomfortable, but he reminded himself that they were both sixteen and maybe it was for security reasons. Toris couldn't help but look around and the beautiful apartment that Feliks lived in until he was led up another set of stairs and out a door. He found himself on a rooftop.

"Told you I'd show you a great place to look at the sky," Feliks told him. "And just as I promised, here it is."

Toris looked up, amazed. He hadn't seen the sky from this high up before. It was so beautiful! He sat on the rooftop and stared up at the sky. "Thank you," he breathed to Feliks.

Feliks sat on the edge of the roof. "Oh, don't mention it, Toris. You'll embarrass me." He looked up at the sky as well. "What do you see in clouds anyway?"

Toris gazed up at the clouds. "They're just so free," he sighed. "They can form into whatever they want. They can go wherever they want. Nothing can stop them."

Feliks laughed. "I like the way you see things, Toris. It interests me." He laughed a little harder. "Clouds…"

"Are you making fun of me?" Toris asked, looking over at him.

"Of course not," Feliks mocked. "You just sound like a child, Toris! Things can't be that simple. We all know that! So why fucking bother?"

Toris narrowed his eyes. "Sometimes it's better to try and simplify things. It's better to see the smaller parts of the picture instead of the whole thing all at once."

"That barely makes sense," Feliks sighed, moving over by Toris. "You can't live your life like that all the time. You have to always be aware of what's going on. You can't live all sheltered like that."

"What's wrong with it if I feel safe and like living like that?" Toris asked, glancing at him.

Feliks sighed. "I don't think you are understanding me. It's like the world right now, for example. The Germans are going after the Jews. What if you were Jewish, Toris? Would you just sit back and watch the clouds until they came for you?"

Toris gulped, the knot in his stomach coming back. "Why put all of it in such a negative way?"

"Are you Jewish?" Feliks asked, cocking his head to the side. When Toris took his time answering, he smiled knowingly. "I thought you might be. The look on your face when I suggested you could be Jewish told me so. And then the look of horror on your face at the end of my scenario told me that you definitely were." He laughed when he saw that Toris hadn't breathed much. "Don't worry, Toris, I'm not going to tell anyone. Who knows, maybe I'll tell you one of my own secrets one day? You'll never know!"

Toris began to relax a little. "You won't tell anyone?"

Feliks stared at Toris for a moment in complete silence. "I told I wouldn't, didn't I?"

Toris laughed nervously. "Yeah, I guess you did."

Feliks cocked his head to the side. "You have trust issues, don't you? You can trust me, I swear. I'm not going to tell anyone. Besides, I have no one to tell. I have no friends besides you, Toris." He was quiet for a moment. "We are friends, right?"

Toris looked at him and smiled. "Yeah. We're friends, Feliks." He felt a relief in his chest when he said that, as if a great weight had been lifted. He was happy that he had made a friend, even if he was odd and wore women's clothing.

Feliks smiled and laid back onto the rooftop next to Toris. "Good. I'm glad that I have a friend like you, Toris. Maybe life will become more fun and bearable."

Toris didn't want to ask what Feliks meant by that, so instead he laid down next to him and watched the clouds with him. He pointed out random shapes the clouds made and how fast some were moving, sometimes causing Feliks to laugh. It was an enjoyable afternoon, and Toris was glad that he had agreed to follow Feliks.

.

Toris arrived back at Aldona and Lech's house as the sun was beginning to set. He walked into the house and saw Raivis playing cards with them at the table in the kitchen. He smiled as he walked in.

"I take it you had a great walk, Toris?" Lech asked as he laid down some cards.

Toris smiled. "I did," he told them. He walked closer to the table. "What are you playing?"

"They're teaching me how to play Poker!" Raivis excitedly said.

Toris's eyes widened. "Raivis, you shouldn't gamble!"

"Loser has to do dishes after dinner is all," Aldona said, smiling. "It's completely harmless, Toris. Tell us about your day. What did you do?"

"I made a friend," Toris said. "And I went and watched the clouds on a rooftop. That's pretty much it."

"Who's your friend?" Lech asked. He looked up from his cards.

Toris gulped. "Feliks," he answered. "The guy we talked about yesterday. He is actually a really nice guy."

Lech's eyes widened. "Well, I am not in charge of who you are friends with. But if you say he is a nice person, then I will trust your judgement. I do not approve of him wearing women's clothing, but I do not control him. If he is to ever be in my home, I would like him to wear men's clothing. Is that understood?"

Toris nodded. "I understand, Lech."

Lech smiled at Toris. "You're a good kid, Toris. I really hope you don't end up confused like him."

"With all due respect, he's perfectly aware that he is a boy," Toris said. "I just never asked him why he dresses like a girl. I forgot to ask him. Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow. If it's all right with you."

"I see nothing wrong with you having friends and spending time with them," Aldona told him. "After all, aren't you here on vacation, Toris?" She smiled at him. "Feel free to do what you wish with your time here. All we ask is that you spend Sundays with us for church and 'family' time since you are considered family while you are here."

Toris nodded. "I understand, and I will spend Sundays here. That is a perfectly reasonable request." He smiled at Aldona and then looked to her lower stomach that bulged out. "Will we be here when the baby is born?"

Aldona smiled and nodded, rubbing her stomach fondly. "We are expecting the baby around Christmas," she answered. "I am so excited to be a mother."

"Well I think you'll be great at it," Toris told her. "You have a very motherly aura about you, Aldona."

"I agree with Toris!" Raivis said before laying down his hand. "Beat that, Lech! Full House!"

Lech smiled and laid down his hand. "I have a Royal Flush."

Raivis hung his head. "Looks like I'm washing dishes."

"I'll help you, Raivis," Toris said. "I mean, I should since I was gone all day anyway."

"You will?" Raivis asked, raising his head. "Thanks, Toris!" His smile was radiant, making Toris smile as well.

These were the kinds of moments where Toris only liked seeing the small part of the big picture.


	3. Chapter 3

Late July, 1939, Warsaw, Poland

Toris led Feliks down the street toward Lech and Aldona's house. It was Feliks's first time going over there and he wanted to make a good first impression. This was an important visit because Feliks was dressed like a boy for the first time since Toris had met him, and to Toris it looked a little funny.

"These pants are so constricting," Feliks complained as they walked. "How do you wear them all the time, Toris?" He pulled at them in the thigh area. "Skirts are so much better!"

Toris laughed. "Come on, you can do this, Feliks," he encouraged. "It's only for the time that you're in their home."

Feliks crossed his arms with a huff as he continued walking. "You're lucky we're friends, Toris," he grumbled. He huffed a bit and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "If we weren't, I wouldn't wear this shit. I don't wear pants for just anyone."

"Then I'm glad," Toris said with a smile. He turned back to face forward. "I'll remember those words, Feliks."

"You better," the Polish boy huffed, glaring at Toris in defiance, even though Toris couldn't see it. "Because I'm only saying it once."

"I'm sure," the Lithuanian boy said. He smiled to himself as they reached the house. He stopped at the door. "Here we are!"

Feliks's green eyes widened. "I think I know these people! Lech and Aldona Jagoda?" He grabbed Toris's arm and looked panicked when Toris turned to face him. "I don't think Lech likes me…"

Toris smiled. "Whether he likes you or not, you have permission to be in his home," he assured. "I know that for a fact. He knows you will be here today and looks forward to it. That is what he told me last evening when I said I was bringing you over today."

Feliks still looked unsure, yet he followed Toris inside. He still had yet to meet Raivis, but had heard so much about the people Toris lived with that he wanted to meet and get to know all of them the way Toris had. "If you're sure…" he said.

Toris was confused. It was unlike Feliks to sound unsure of himself. Feliks was always so sure of every single thing he did! Why would something as simple as this make him so unsure? It was just dinner! Though Toris didn't understand, he offered Feliks a small smile of reassurance, which seemed to help Feliks more than Toris could understand.

"Toris, is that you?" Aldona called from the kitchen. "Come in here and bring your friend!"

Toris nodded for Feliks to follow him into the kitchen. "Yes, it's me, Aldona," he said. "And I did bring Feliks with me." He gestured to his friend, who just shied away and looked as if he were trying to blend in with the wall as Toris tried to figure out what was wrong with him. "He's just a little shy right now, I guess."

"I've never known Feliks to be shy," Aldona said with a warm smile. She turned to Feliks. "Welcome to our home. It's a pleasure to have you here, Feliks. I have seen you around, but I don't believe we have ever met. My name is Aldona Jagoda. I'm Lech's wife. I am very pleased to meet you."

Feliks seemed not to have as many doubts anymore as he walked over and stuck out his hand. "I am pleased to meet you as well, Miss Aldona," he said as they shook hands. "It is an honor to be in your home."

Aldona's smile widened. "And you are so polite!" she enthused. "I am so happy to have you as a guest in my home! Would you boys help me for a few minutes in here? I would much rather have help from a couple tall boys than risk falling from my stepstool."

"Of course, Aldona!" Toris quickly assured. "I would be honored to help you!" He looked to Feliks who was readily nodding as he looked at Aldona's pregnant belly. "Is Raivis helping as well?"

Aldona placed a hand on her lower stomach. "He is off helping Lech with fixing the neighbor's bedroom doors," she said. "Raivis and you have been such blessings to us that we would love to share you both with our friends as well." She rubbed her stomach fondly as she smiled down at it. "We can only hope our little one will one day be as wonderful as the two of you have been."

"It will be," Toris assured with a smile. He clasped his hands together. "Now what would you like us to get for you?"

.

A half hour later, Toris and Feliks sat on Toris's bed in the room he shared with Raivis. They had both enjoyed talking to Aldona and helping her out, but were both relieved that it was back to being just them again, even Toris. He had never realized how relaxing it truly was when it was just him and Feliks alone until they were around other people together, especially other people who knew of Feliks without knowing him personally.

"Aldona is very nice," Feliks decided. "Her child will be very beautiful when it's born." He nodded and smiled to himself. "I don't think I've ever seen Lech for myself, though. I have only heard of him. He is very well respected and was a business partner of my father's at one point."

"At one point?" Toris asked, cocking his head to the side.

Feliks nodded and left it at that, changing the subject with, "I wonder what Aldona is making for dinner. It smells very delicious." He smiled. "You are very lucky to live with an amazing chef like her!"

"Who makes your food at home?" Toris asked.

"Oh, I usually do," Feliks answered proudly. He smiled widely. "I am very skilled at it! You need to try it sometime! Maybe tomorrow or the day after!" He seemed to grow more and more excited, as if avoiding something, yet Toris couldn't tell what.

"Would your parents mind?" Toris asked.

Feliks's face went blank for a few moments before his smile returned. "Of course not," he assured. "They never mind me having guests anymore! Besides, I'd get lonely otherwise."

"You mean to tell me they're never home?" Toris asked him, shocked.

"My mother died a year ago and my father passed three before her," Feliks casually answered. "Since I was an only child to two designers, they left their money and home to me. I've barely spent any but to pay taxes and bills and to buy food and essentials, so I've made off well in life. Of course they wouldn't mind me having guests. They're no longer here to mind," he explained, voice sounding bittersweet near the end.

Toris blinked in surprise. He hadn't expected something like that to be the case. "I am so sorry to hear that, Feliks," he said. "I wish that hadn't happened to them."

"Wishing gets no one anywhere, Toris," Feliks simply said, looking out the window as the sun was setting. "Trust me, I would know."

"Whenever you want someone to spend time with, I will be there," Toris told him. "We're friends, Feliks. You don't have to be alone anymore."

"But I have grown so accustomed to it," Feliks said, a blank look on his face. "What will happen when you return to Lithuania? I cannot go back with you."

Toris was quiet for a moment. "I won't go back," he decided. "Not unless that was what you truly wanted for me. As your friend, it's my job to make sure you're okay and that you don't have to be all alone. I wouldn't be able to sleep well at night if either of those weren't true."

Feliks looked to Toris and smiled a little. "You are a good friend, Toris," he said. "I hope you know that."

Toris smiled. "I never really had many friends outside of school before I moved here. You are one of my first friends I've made outside of a school setting. I'm glad that we had the opportunity to meet."

"So am I," Feliks agreed. "I knew when I saw you on the train, just from the way you looked at me, that there was something different about you, Toris. I felt that you weren't going to judge me."

"Well when you found out my religion you didn't judge me," Toris said with a shrug. "I'm just sad that I can't practice it here."

"It's a shame that you can't," Feliks agreed. "If only there was a way to America and to the freedom of religion there. Because then you'd never have to worry about those stupid Germans and their lousy superiority complexes. There would be no 'big man' and no 'inferiors' there. Everyone there would be equals and can believe in what they want to, and they can be what they want to." He smiled to himself. "I could dress the way I wanted and not have to be warned not to let the Germans see it…"

Toris smiled. "You're right, Feliks. America does seem like the ultimate goal, doesn't it?" He hummed to himself as he thought more about it. "Maybe one day I'll go there."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Feliks scoffed.

"What?" Toris asked, blinking at him.

Feliks gestured to himself. "Me. Duh. I'm the one who gave you the idea. You had better not go without me, Toris. I would feel so betrayed if you did!"

"Of course I wouldn't go to America without you," Toris assured. "That would be too big of a journey to take all by myself anyway." He laughed. "Besides, it would be boring without a companion like you, Feliks. You're the life of our conversations. I'm dull and boring."

"Now, I don't believe that for a minute," Feliks insisted. "Toris, you're my best friend. I'm not friends with dull and boring people, I can assure you of that."

Toris felt a boost of confidence in himself upon hearing those words. "Thank you, Feliks."

"For the record, I don't just say things, Toris," he said. "I don't give false compliments, because where would those get me in life? I'm genuine, and that's why people don't like me. I only say things that I mean."

Toris felt his pride being boosted with every word that Feliks said to him. He hung on to every word. If Feliks really was telling the truth, then Toris had received many compliments that day. It made him feel special since Feliks said that he doesn't just say things.

Most importantly, Toris couldn't control the weird swelling feeling in his stomach that he felt every time Feliks complimented him. It made him desire more compliments from the Polish boy. It made him want to learn his language so Feliks didn't have to strive so hard to communicate with him. It made him want to do anything to make Feliks's life easier than it currently was. He wanted to do anything and everything he possibly could for Feliks. Anything to make Feliks feel as great as he made Toris feel.

.

Feliks sat next to Toris at the table that night, and across from Raivis. He seemed comfortable as they all sat and talked about what was going on in Poland, but he seemed more relieved when dinner was over and it was time to head home. Toris had insisted on walking with him since the sun wasn't all the way down and that they still had some things to talk about. But Feliks knew what Toris wanted to do more than anything. He wanted them to stargaze together on the roof, which Feliks didn't mind at all.

"Feliks, what did you think of dinner?" Toris asked as they gathered blankets to lay on when they got to the roof. "Aldona is fantastic, isn't she?"

Feliks grinned at Toris as he tossed him a blanket. "She is," he agreed. "I really enjoyed dinner. You live with very nice people." He looked down at the pants he was still wearing. "But do you mind if I change back into something more me?"

Toris smiled. "No problem, Feliks. I'll wait out by the stairway to the roof," he said, heading out of the room. He leaned against the wall next to the stairs, waiting for Feliks to come out of the room.

Feliks emerged a few minutes later, wearing a simple folk dress that flowed out at the waist ended at his shins. It swished around his legs as he walked. "Ready?" he asked, leading the way up the stairs.

Toris noticed that Feliks had even put a flower-shaped hair clip in his hair that matched the flower pattern on the skirt of the dress. "Yeah," he said, carrying the blankets after Feliks. He suddenly felt nervous, but he didn't really understand why. It wasn't like this was his first time going on the rooftop with Feliks, especially with Feliks dressed this way!

"Hey, are you okay?" Feliks asked once they were on the roof.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Toris assured, nodding quickly. He had to get ahold of himself! What was wrong with him? This was Feliks! It was only Feliks! He had to get a grip!

Feliks began taking the blankets from him one-by-one and laying them out on the rooftop. "I haven't had anyone to stargaze with before, so I'm excited for this," he admitted. "But now that I admit it out loud, it makes me sound a bit stupid."

"I don't think so," Toris told him. He smiled as they laid out the last blanket together. "Ready?" he asked, sitting on one side of the blankets. He laid back with Feliks on the blankets and suddenly felt small as they looked up into the massive night sky together. "Wow."

"Let me guess," Feliks quietly said, "you're feeling small, too?"

"How did you know?" Toris asked, glancing over at him. He was surprised to see Feliks looking back at him instead of up at the sky. "I thought I was the only one who felt things like that."

"You know, I never noticed things like the sky or clouds or stars until I met you, Toris," Feliks admitted. He turned his attention back to the sky. "It's so strange to think that we're just small beings in a big world in an even bigger galaxy. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around it at all. It's too huge for me to even begin to understand."

Toris smiled. "I'm glad I could help inspire thoughts like that."

"Yeah," Feliks scoffed. "Thanks for inspiring my headaches, Toris."

Toris laughed. Now there was the Feliks he knew! "Anytime, Feliks. It's my pleasure to do so."

Feliks laughed so hard he snorted, which caused him to calm down. "So embarrassing," he said, relieved that Toris couldn't see his blush in the moonlight.

Toris chuckled at Feliks's snort. "What was that?" he laughed. "It's fine. Everyone has done that at least once in their life. I know I have." He moved his hands to his sides instead of letting them rest on his stomach. His smallest finger brushed against Feliks's and he felt a hint of a blush dust his cheeks, glad that Feliks wouldn't be able to see it in the dark.

"So I'm not the only one who does embarrassing shit?" Feliks laughed, blush growing darker at Toris's touch. He felt as if the moonlight were playing tricks on him.

"Of course not," Toris assured. "We all do things like that. Every person on this planet."

Was it just the moonlight, or was Feliks always that beautiful when dressed like that? He had to remind himself that Feliks was a boy, and that Feliks was his male best friend! The moonlight was trying to intoxicate him! It had to be! Feliks never looked this desireable otherwise!

"Toris?" Feliks quietly asked, biting his lip.

"Yeah?" Toris asked. He was worried about Feliks's tone. Once more, Feliks was back to sounding unsure.

"Is the moon doing the same thing to you?" he asked, hoping that Toris would get the hint. He looked over at the Lithuanian boy, hoping for a distraction from the weird thoughts.

"What thing?" Toris asked, looking over at him. The moment his blue eyes met with Feliks's green ones, he knew he was done for. The intoxicating night sky had claimed two more victims to it's moonlight love story.

The heartbeats of both boys sped up in their chests as they each gasped so quietly the other couldn't hear it. But they could see that the other had the same thought. Both boys couldn't believe the realization each of them had at the same time. It had to be the moonlight! There was no other explanation!

Toris watched as a lock of blond hair fell into Feliks's eyes. He carefully reached over and moved it out of the way, tucking it behind the Polish boy's ear, yet he couldn't bring himself to move his hand from the side of Feliks's face as they gazed into each other's eyes, daring the other to make the next move.

Feliks held his breath and moved closer to Toris, closing off the gap between them. He left it up to Toris to do anything else, feeling he had done his part in what was going to be done. His heart was beating madly in his chest, and he was surprised at how Toris couldn't see it slamming against his ribcage.

Toris was blushing a deep crimson by this point. The feeling he felt toward Feliks at that exact moment was so wrong when based on the beliefs he grew up by. Yet hadn't his parents practically told him to discard those beliefs while in Poland and not let on that he had them? This desire toward Feliks was burning inside of him like the hot embers in the core of a raging bonfire. He didn't have to sleep with him, but was there anything wrong with just kissing him? His heart was so conflicted that he didn't know what to do. It was almost physically painful for him to try to decide. On one hand, it was what he grew up believing and was raised on. But on the other hand, it was what his parents had basically told him to do.

After about a minute of solid thinking, Toris made his decision and pressed his lips softly to Feliks's. It felt right to him. He had never kissed anyone, male or female, before, so he had nothing to compare it to, yet something about this kiss felt wonderful and pure. It wasn't until a few seconds in that he realized Feliks was kissing him back.

Toris pulled away after a moment. "How was that?" he asked. He bit his lip nervously, but then smile a little when he saw the dreamy look on Feliks's face.

Feliks shook his head, still smiling. "Not enough," he simply said. He grabbed Toris by the collar of his shirt and rolled onto his back, pulling Toris on top of him. "I want more of that." His smile seemed to energize Toris. "Kiss me again."

Toris smiled. "Gladly," he said. He got on his knees and elbows, positioning a knee and elbow on the left and right sides of Feliks before cupping Feliks's face in his hands and kissing him a bit more passionately than the last time. He felt Feliks nearly turn to putty in his hands and knew he had full control over what was going on. His heart pounded, but his fingers could feel that Feliks's pulse was just as rapid and racing. He had never felt more free than at that moment, kissing Feliks on that rooftop in the moonlight.

When Toris finally broke off the kiss, he sat next to Feliks to catch his breath. He didn't know what to do next. His hand reached for Feliks's, which Feliks gladly gave him. It was pale and smooth, unlike Toris's, which was tanned from the sun and calloused from working on the farm since he was young.

Feliks laid his head on Toris's thigh. "Thank you," he softly said.

"For what?" Toris asked.

"For coming back here with me tonight," Feliks answered. "This never would have happened otherwise. And also thanks for what you said earlier. Now I truly know I won't ever truly be alone again. I'll always have you , Toris. You truly are the greatest friend I've ever had."

Toris smiled. "I'm glad that I am."

Feliks smiled up at him before sitting up and grinning mischievously. "But I think there's a role you would fit much better than friend," he said, laughing. And without another word, he tackled Toris onto the blankets and kissed him once more.


	4. Chapter 4

Toris woke the next morning in his and Raivis's shared room feeling better than he had since coming to Poland. After his night of "stargazing" with Feliks, he didn't want to leave Poland anytime soon. He recalled his conversation with Raivis about falling in love and never returning back home. Had he fallen in love with Feliks? He knew that if he had, he would never be able to bring himself to return home anyway. His parents would never understand. They would never understand how he had simply fallen in love with another boy.

He sat up and stretched, yawning. He blinked his eyes a few times to see Raivis still sleeping. A guilty feeling made his stomach sink. Since they had come here, he hadn't spent much time with Raivis like he was supposed to. The guilt from that was eating him alive, so he decided to spend time with him that day and then go to Feliks's house later in the evening for dinner like he had promised before leaving the night before.

Toris wracked his brain, trying to remember what day of the week it was. He blinked a few times as he realized it was Friday, yet on this day he wouldn't have to prepare for the Sabbath. Now that he was in Poland, he no longer celebrated things like that. His Jewish customs that once formed who he was were almost like mere memories of his past, and he wasn't sure how he honestly felt about that.

"Good morning, Toris," Aldona greeted when he walked into the kitchen a few minutes later. "How did you sleep? You got home a little late last night. Did you have fun with Feliks? He seemed very nice. I had a lovely time last night when he was here."

"I slept well, thank you," Toris answered with a sleepy smile. "I'm still a little tired, though. We had a lot of fun. I showed him many constellations in the sky last night. His rooftop has a clear view of it, and it's so beautiful."

"That sounds fun," Aldona said, setting a glass of milk in front of Toris. She then set a plate with toast and jam in front of him as well. "Raivis has been sleeping in these past few days. He's been working hard with Lech, but I know he enjoys it. He even said he's glad that Lech asks him to help and not you because it makes him feel important."

Toris smiled to himself. "I'm glad that Raivis is seeing himself as important to others. He was worried that no one would need him for anything." He spread some jam on his toast and took a bite, washing it down with a swig of milk. "He's a great and dependable kid."

"He really is," Aldona agreed. "And he really looks up to you, Toris." She smiled. "I think he wants to spend some time with you soon."

"That was my plan for today," Toris told her, smiling. "I was going to spend the day with Raivis. Feliks wants me to go to his house for dinner, so I have until then."

"What time is that?" Aldona asked, sitting down at the table with him. She put jam on a slice of toast and took a bite.

"He said to come around seven," Toris answered. He finished his piece of toast and smiled, content. He was used to not eating much for breakfast and was content with just one piece of toast with jam. His stomach was full after drinking his milk.

"That sounds fun," Aldona said, smiling. "I wonder if his food is any good."

Toris shrugged. "He says it is, so I'll take his word for it until I know otherwise." He smiled as his cousin joined them in the kitchen. "Good morning, Raivis."

"You're actually here this morning," Raivis teased, sitting at the table with them. He, too, put some jam on toast and took a bite. "Are we going to spend time together today?"

"Of course we are," Toris answered with a smile. "I'm free until seven tonight. So you have me all day." He leaned across the table toward Raivis. "What would you like to do?"

Raivis thought for a moment. "Let's go find a field somewhere and watch clouds like we used to do at your house when I was younger," he said, smiling. "That was always so fun."

Toris grinned. "Great idea, Raivis! I'm sure we could find a field somewhere that isn't occupied by some kind of livestock." He thought for a moment. "Aldona, do you and Lech know anyone who would have a nice place to sky watch?" He knew that if all else failed he and Raivis could go to Feliks's house, but he wanted some cousin bonding time just him and Raivis if he could help it.

Aldona thought for a moment, tapping her chin with her index finger. "I'm almost certain Lech would know someone." She smiled at them. "I'll go and ask him." She got up and left the room. "You two stay right there, and I'll be right back."

Toris looked at Raivis from across the table. "I heard you've been helping Lech a lot lately. I'm glad that you have been helpful. Has it been helping with your nerves?"

"It's helping me find a sense of purpose," Raivis answered with a nod. "I am proud of what I have been doing. Things are going well. I'm glad that you've made a friend here. He's very nice. Is it true that he dresses up like a girl when he's not here? That's what Lech told me."

"Yeah," Toris answered, laughing. "Feliks usually dresses up like a girl. I think it's because he misses his mother. She died last year." He shrugged. "I mean, I could be wrong about that, but that could be why he does it."

Raivis nodded, trying to understand. "You make peculiar friends, Toris," he said, smiling. "I hope that I can be friends with him as well one day."

"I think he would like that," Toris said. "He doesn't have many friends."

"It's probably because people judge him." Raivis frowned. "He seemed really nice. And he was really funny." He smiled. "Yeah, I want to be his friend."

Toris grinned. "I think he would love to be friends with you as well." He watched as Raivis finished off his piece of toast. "He is a very nice person."

Raivis yawned. "Is there anything specific that you would like to do today, Toris?" he asked, blinking at his older cousin.

"I'll let you call it today, Raivis," he answered. "After all, you never get much of a choice with what you do with your days, yes?" Toris drummed his fingers on the table for a moment as Aldona came back into the kitchen.

"Lech has a friend a few houses down with a backyard you could use," she informed them. "Their house is the brown one with the green shutters." Aldona gestured toward the left of where them. "They live that way."

Toris jumped up from the table, Raivis just after him. "Thank you, Aldona! I appreciate it very much!" He took one of her hands and kissed it as Raivis did the same with the other. "I will see you later on this evening!"

Aldona smiled at them. "Have fun, boys. You two deserve it."

Toris scanned the details of every house they passed on the street as he and Raivis hurried down it. "Brown house with green shutters, right?" he asked as he spotted it.

"I believe so," Raivis confirmed with an excited nod. "I wonder if he phoned ahead. Knowing Lech, he probably did. He always does kind things like that for others." He looked up. "I can't wait to watch the clouds for awhile today!"

Toris walked over to the door and knocked. He began to think over the small bits of Polish that Lech, Aldona, and Feliks had been working with him on. It was the basics, like introducing himself and telling people who he lived with.

A man answered the door. He stood a little taller than Toris and was much heavier than him. His brown eyes stared at him, unblinking.

"Good morning," Toris greeted in nervous Polish. "My name is Toris Laurinaitis. I live with Lech and Aldona Jagoda…"

"Say no more," the man said in fluent Lithuanian. "Lech called a few minutes ago and told me you and Raivis are wanting to borrow my backyard to look at clouds?"

Toris blinked in surprise but answered back in his native language. "That is correct, sir," he confirmed with a nod. "Would you mind if we did so?"

"Not at all," the man said. "The backyard is just around the side of the house. No one will disturb you. Feel free to use it as long as you'd like." He smiled at Raivis. "Think of it as payment for helping with our shutters the other day, Raivis."

Raivis smiled at the man. "Thank you, sir." He was shaking, but only slightly. "I appreciate your kindness." He turned to look up at Toris. "I'll show Toris to the backyard."

The man smiled at them. "Have fun, boys," he said before shutting the door.

Toris smiled at Raivis as the smaller boy led him around the side of the house. "I did not know you helped him with his shutters the other day."

"Yeah," Raivis confirmed with a nod. "Lech and I fixed them after a storm messed them up a month ago." He walked over to a fence and flipped the latch on it, opening the gate wide. "It's a nice backyard, perfect for watching the clouds."

Toris looked over the backyard. Raivis was right, it was perfect. It almost reminded him of the field at the base of the hill that he lived on back home in Lithuania. He felt a small stutter in his heartbeat as he thought of his mother, father, and Dalia back home. He missed them a little, but knew that if he left Poland anytime soon he would miss Feliks even more.

"You are correct on that," Toris told Raivis as he walked into the backyard, Raivis latching the gate after them. He smiled as he went to the center of it and laid out. "We have a great view of the sky, too." Though he had to admit it wasn't as great as the view from Feliks's roof. He mentally reminded himself to take Raivis there one day.

Raivis laid next to Toris, though not as close as Feliks usually laid. He pointed up at a cloud. "Look at how thin that one is. You can nearly see through it compared to that one," he said, pointing to a puffier cloud. "I love how no two clouds are alike."

"Kind of like humans, eh, Raivis?" Toris asked, smiling. He gazed up at the clouds, sighing happily. "Everyone is different. Even twins aren't completely the same. It's the same with clouds. No two clouds are the same. I think it's just the nature of everything to be different, you know? Everything has to be different because the world would be boring if everything was the same."

"You say very philosophical things over such small matters," Raivis pointed out, smiling. "But that's what I like about spending time with you. I feel as if it makes me smarter."

"Why is that?" Toris asked, looking over at him.

Raivis turned and looked over at Toris. "You are the smartest person I know, Toris. I can't even speak even a little bit of Polish yet, and you can introduce yourself in it. I heard from Aldona that you can even speak some English. You're so smart, and I'm hoping that one day I can be as smart as you!"

"You will be if you work at it," Toris told him, smiling at him. "And I'll be there to encourage you the whole way. I can teach you English if you'd like. I learned it because it is becoming the most popular language in the world. One day, I bet everyone will be speaking it, or at least trying to learn it."

Raivis nodded. "Then I probably should learn it. Could you start teaching it to me? I want to be able to communicate with foreigners one day!" He smiled widely. "I still plan to marry a foreign woman one day, and then just stay in her country."

Toris smiled. "I have been thinking about that for myself," he admitted. "I like it a lot here in Poland. I might just stay here." His mind went to Feliks and how it felt to kiss him, how it felt more right than anything. He wouldn't mind kissing those lips for the rest of his life, even if it meant never returning home to Lithuania. "Poland is a very nice country."

Raivis nodded his agreement. "It's a great place to be. Much better than Latvia." He was quiet for a moment. "If I were to leave Poland, would you be sad?"

"I would miss you," Toris answered. "But if you left, it would be your choice to leave, would it not?" He sighed. "I would just prefer that you stay with me until you are at least sixteen. And then on that day, feel free to go off on any adventure you choose. I will not stop you."

The younger cousin thought it over for a moment. "That sounds fair," he decided. "After all, I am only thirteen right now. I guess three years with you can't be too bad, right? Besides, anything is better than returning to Latvia. You are a very fair cousin, and I would not mind staying by your side until I am sixteen years of age."

"I am glad to hear that," Toris said, smiling. He focused his attention on the clouds. "I wonder what it's like to see from the height of the clouds. Like the fighter jets that the military uses. I've always wondered what it would be like to be a pilot."

"I feel as if it would be scary," Raivis admitted. "I was never one for heights. I don't know how you can spend your afternoons on a rooftop. Isn't it a little frightening to be laying on top of a building and being so close to the sky?"

"Not at all," Toris answered. "The sky looks amazing from there. If I can get Feliks's permission, I'll take you there someday so you can experience it for yourself. I think you would really like it." He smiled as he thought of all the afternoons spent there with Feliks. Then his thoughts went to his night of stargazing with Feliks. "The night sky is just as beautiful."

"Is it?" Raivis asked. "Is that what you and Feliks did last night? Were you telling him about the constellations?"

"Of course," Toris quickly said. He wouldn't dare tell Raivis what he and Feliks were really doing. It wasn't like they did any more than kiss, but still. It wasn't any of Raivis's business. "He was very interested."

"I assume that he would be," Raivis said. "You have a way of holding people's attention."

"Yeah, I definitely held his attention last night," Toris said, smiling. That was for sure. Feliks couldn't keep his eyes or hands or lips off of him. "He was very interested." Definitely interested in something. Toris had no doubt in his mind that more "stargazing" would happen after dinner that night as well.

Raivis smiled. "Is Feliks as smart as you, Toris?"

"He might be," Toris said, thinking about it. He honestly didn't know. "I'm not too sure. We don't usually have conversations like these."

"Then what do you two talk about?" Raivis asked, giving Toris a confused look. "You don't seem like the type to have a silly sort of conversations with someone."

Toris thought for a moment. What sorts of things did he and Feliks talks about? "We talk about him," Toris answered. "He is very lonely and lives alone in a big apartment. His mother died a year ago, and his father died three years before her. Feliks is an only child."

Raivis frowned. "I'm glad that you can help him. He needs a friend like you."

"Yeah," Toris sighed. He pointed up at a cloud. "What does that cloud look like to you?" he asked him. To him, it looked like a heart.

"It's almost a perfectly heart-shaped cloud!" Raivis exclaimed. He groaned. "Toris, I want to be in love so badly. At what age do people usually fall in love?"

"It's different for everyone, Raivis," Toris answered. "But usually the youngest age when people fall in love is around sixteen. Or at least that's what I have observed. That was when your parents met. My mother met my father and fell in love with him when she was sixteen." He smiled. Even he himself had fallen in love for the first time when he was sixteen.

"I hope I fall in love when I turn sixteen," Raivis sighed. He frowned. "Maybe I'll fall in love with a beautiful girl with blonde hair and green eyes. It's such a beautiful combination."

Toris smiled. "Only the best people have it." He thought of Feliks and his beautiful features, his hair the color of golden wheat and those captivating green eyes.

Raivis smiled to himself. "I would probably fall in love with the first girl my age that I saw who had hair and eyes like that," he softly admitted. "She would probably steal my heart and I would be her prisoner. A prisoner of love."

"Sounds romantic," Toris mused. The heart-shaped cloud was starting to lose it's heart shape. It secretly disappointed him as he took it as a way of the universe saying that not all love lasts forever. Yet he felt his love for Feliks would last forever. "I hope that I can be romantic one day."

"Any girl would fall for that big, knowledgeable brain of yours someday," Raivis assured. "And she'll probably be just as smart as you, and you two can just hold intellectual debates all day. And your kids would be geniuses!"

"You think so?" Toris asked, smiling. "I would hope so as well. Smart kids would be nice." He looked at the clouds that were starting to mesh together in the sky. "You know, I think today will be a nice day, Raivis."

"I was thinking the same thing," Raivis agreed.

.

Toris knocked on Feliks's door five minutes before seven o'clock that evening. He hoped Feliks wouldn't think he was too early or anything. His heart pounded as he waited for the Polish boy to answer the door. He had been anticipating this moment all day, so excited to see Feliks again.

Feliks opened the door. He was wearing another folk dress that was similar to the one he wore the night before. A smile graced his face when he saw Toris and he quickly pulled him inside, shutting the door after him. "I'm glad to see you," he said.

"I've been waiting all day to see you," Toris assured, grinning at him. He kissed Feliks's cheek in greeting, causing the Polish boy to blush. That was when the overwhelming smell of dinner hit him. "It smells amazing in here! What did you make?"

"I just made some klopsiki, which is meatballs with tomato sauce, and a side dish of tłuczone ziemniaki, or mashed potatoes." He looked up at Toris and nervously tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. "I hope that's okay."

"It sounds great to me," Toris told him, smiling.

Feliks blushed. "With you being Jewish and all, I didn't know what was acceptable or…"

"While I am here with you, I will forget that I am Jewish," Toris softly told him. "After all, the way I feel about you is against Jewish culture and law, and I am ignoring it because I care more about you than the way I was raised." He leaned in toward Feliks and kissed his lips softly, causing Feliks to sigh softly against his lips. "And while I'm in Poland, I am willing to try many new things, as long as I try them with you."

Feliks's face could rival a tomato regarding redness. "I don't even know what to say, but it makes me very happy," he softly said. He looked up at Toris with his green eyes and smiled as he looped his arms around his neck. His smile widened as he brought Toris down to his level and brought their lips together once more.

Toris circled his arms around Feliks's waist as he kissed him, completely content with his life at that moment. He pulled Feliks closer to him, smiling into the kiss. If he had to spend the rest of his life in Poland, he wouldn't mind as long as he had Feliks there with him. He wouldn't mind anything as long as Feliks was there by his side.

"We should eat before it gets cold," Feliks said, breaking off the kiss. "I really hope you like it. I worked really hard on it!"

"Then I'm sure I will love it," Toris said, smiling. He moved his hands from around Feliks's waist and grabbed his hands from around his neck, holding them gently in his own. "How about we eat?"

Feliks blushed. "Y-Yeah," he said. "That sounds great." He looked at their hands and let go of one of his, still holding one tightly. "Here, follow me to the table." He led the way, his skirt swishing around his shins as he walked. The dress suited him better than any type of male clothing at all. He stopped at a small, elegantly-decorated table. "Here we are."

Toris looked at the two plates that were set out with delicious-looking food on it. "You made this?" he asked. There were two wine glasses set out with a dark liquid in it. "Is that wine?"

"Grape juice," Feliks bashfully admitted. "I just wanted to add the effect." He took his seat across the table from Toris as he sat. A smile graced his face. "Thank you for joining me tonight, Toris."

"Thank you for having me tonight, Feliks," Toris said, smiling back. He picked up his fork with one hand and his knife with the other, cutting up the meatball. He took a small bite and it was like an explosion of taste in his mouth. His eyes widened as he swallowed. "That was amazing!" he enthused.

Feliks looked at him with wide eyes. "Really? I feel as if it tastes a little bland."

"It's perfect!" Toris assured. He smiled widely. "You are a fantastic chef!" He took a bite of the potatoes and felt the same sensation of the taste explosion. "Feliks, this is amazing!"

Feliks blushed. "I'm glad you like it, Toris."

Toris reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "Please make more for me sometime! Anything! I want to try everything you can cook!"

Feliks smiled at him. "Anything and everything," he promised, stroking the back of Toris's hand with his thumb.

His smile captivated Toris, and that was when Toris knew without a doubt that there was no possible way he could ever leave this amazing Polish boy behind.


	5. Chapter 5

Mid-August, 1939, Warsaw, Poland

Toris had been spending days with Raivis, Aldona, and Lech and evenings with Feliks, seeing as it worked better for all of them that way. He was enjoying his time in Poland and was so glad that his parents had allowed him to visit. He usually spent his days anticipating the evening where he would see Feliks, who was always waiting for him at the door and wearing only the loveliest of dresses.

One night, Feliks was wearing a beautiful, green sundress that complimented his eyes very well. Toris was astonished at how well it went.

"Feliks, I've never asked you this, but why do you wear women's clothing all the time? Why do you feel more comfortable in it?" Toris asked him as they laid on Feliks's roof together one night. He grabbed Feliks's hand and smiled when he felt Feliks lightly squeeze it.

"First off, dresses are more comfortable than you would imagine," Feliks began. "Also because my mother always wanted a daughter, but she ended up having me." He sighed. "So when I found that out, I decided I wanted to let her have the daughter she always wanted after my father died. I have been wearing women's clothing since the day after my father died. He would have never let me wear this kind of stuff otherwise. My mother was so happy, Toris. She designed all of these dresses just for me. This green one was her favorite because she made it to match my eyes and make them stand out. I love wearing it, but only on special occasions."

"What is the special occasion tonight?" Toris asked, looking over at Feliks. He was confused. He wasn't aware that that night was more special than the others.

"There isn't one," Feliks said with a smile. "I'm wearing it because I get to see you. I have a dress like this that matches your blue eyes as well. Perhaps I will wear it tomorrow, Toris." He hummed softly to himself for a moment. "Yes, perhaps."

Toris smiled to himself. He had to admit that Feliks was indeed an odd fellow, but he loved that about him. It kept things exciting between them. "I would like to see it," he agreed, smiling to Feliks. "That would be nice." He squeezed the Polish boy's hand. "I'm sure blue looks great on you."

Feliks smiled. "You think it would?" he asked. "That's reassuring. I shall wear the blue one tomorrow then." He smiled over at Toris before scooting closer and kissing his cheek. "You are wonderful, Toris. I mean that. I really do."

Toris smiled and looked over at Feliks before rolling over on top of him, careful not to position his hands or knees on the fabric of the beautiful dress. "Feliks, you just seem so desirable in that dress," he softly told him. "I just have to kiss you."

Feliks's eyes widened. "Then kiss me, you idiot! Don't tell me you're going to! Just do it! Surprise me!" He grabbed Toris's collar and yanked him down, smashing their lips together in a steamy kiss. "Like that! Don't narrate your life to me! Just do it!"

Toris smiled at Feliks as he caught his breath before leaning down and kissing him once more, licking at the Polish boy's lips. He hadn't done that in awhile, but he was ready to feel adventurous and explore the mouth of the boy he loved. And when Feliks's lips parted even slightly, he stuck his tongue in and began to explore the inside of his love's mouth with it.

Feliks moaned softly into Toris's mouth, toes curling at the feeling of Toris's tongue maneuvering around his mouth. He put his hands on the back of Toris's head, holding it in place, as he tangled his fingers in the Lithuanian boy's hair. He felt like there was a burning fire inside of the core of his body that was dying to just set the whole rooftop ablaze.

Toris, having never heard Feliks moan like that, was slightly shocked, yet he loved the sound of it. He wondered what else he could do to make Feliks do it again. His hand went to Feliks's side and rubbed it as he kissed him.

Feliks only felt the heat inside of him get hotter and hotter with every touch from Toris. He moaned again as Toris rubbed his side. What was this feeling? He wanted more of it! He wanted as much of Toris as he could get that night! He used his tongue to battle Toris's, moaning out every time their tongues grazed each other roughly inside of their opened mouths. He wondered if he was the only one who felt extremely hot.

Toris suddenly felt like it was the middle of the day. It was suddenly so hot that he had begun to sweat. Yet how did it suddenly get so hot? He didn't know what was going on. The sun had gone down, so everything was supposed to be cool off. Everything was just fine a few moments ago, so why was it suddenly so hot? He broke off the kiss for a moment.

"Feliks?" he breathlessly asked. "Are you feeling hot, too?"

"I thought I was the only one," Feliks panted, struggling to catch his breath. His chest heaved up and down as he breathe deeply. "My body feels like it's on fire on the inside." He took large gulps of the cool night air, but it wasn't helping. He still felt hot. "Toris, what can I do? It's so hot."

Toris tugged at the collar of his shirt, trying to let the night air into it to cool down his chest, which was sticky with sweat. "I don't know. I'm burning up as well." He was surprised steam wasn't coming out of his shirt as he pulled it away from his body. "Is there any way to cool down? Do you have any fans inside?"

Feliks sighed and shook his head, pulling at the collar of his sundress. "It's so hot, Toris," he complained. He then began to mess with the buttons on the back.

"Feliks!" Toris gasped. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Feliks demanded. "I'm taking the damn thing off! It's too hot!"

"But that's indecent!" Toris stammered. His eyes were wide.

"Toris, I'm a fucking guy," Feliks sighed. "Now help me out with this! I feel like I'm being roasted alive!" He turned his back to Toris. "Unbutton it, Toris! Please!"

Toris reluctantly unbuttoned the back of Feliks's dress. He didn't know why, but he was blushing the whole time. "There, it's unbuttoned," he said, looking away.

Feliks stood and shrugged out of the dress, the green fabric falling to his ankles. He was wearing a pair of shorts, but his torso was bare and gleaming with sweat. His mouth formed into a triumphant smile as he turned to Toris. He knelt next to Toris and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Thank you," he softly said, lips teasing at Toris's ear, breath hot on Toris's neck. "Anything I can help you with?"

Toris's breath stilled for a moment. "What?" he asked. His heart was racing as he looked at Feliks's thin frame. How he wished he was slim and pale like him. He thought Feliks was beautiful. "Feliks, you…" He couldn't find words to say as he hand ran down the other boy's side. "Your skin, your body, just you…"

Feliks grabbed Toris's hand and brought it up over his heart. It was racing under his skin, pulsing, thrumming beneath their fingertips. "Toris, my heart is racing, beating fast." He began to mess with the buttons on the Lithuanian boy's shirt. "Take your shirt off, you must be hot."

Toris gladly unbuttoned his shirt. Years of working shirtless on his parents' land had gotten him a tanned, toned torso. He got his shirt off in record time, heart racing as fast as Feliks's, if not faster. "I was," he admitted.

Feliks's eyes widened as his fingers traced every line of Toris's torso. "You never told me you were so muscular." He couldn't take his eyes off of the Lithuanian. "Kiss me, Toris."

He didn't have to be told twice. His lips pressed into Feliks's with an electrifying intensity that he had never felt before. He wound his fingers into Feliks's hair. All of the air came out of his lungs when their chests collided, sending a thrilling shiver down both of their spines. Neither of them could explain the intensity of the situation, but they both felt they needed to keep kissing and touching.

Feliks moaned softly against Toris's lips, running his fingers through his hair. He felt his body heating up even more, yet he had no more clothes to take off without actually becoming indecent. His breath caught in his lungs when Toris's chest touched his as they kissed. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't focus on anything. Only Toris, and only on the aching desire inside of him.

"Those noises you make," Toris whispered against his lips. "They're wonderful." He chuckled softly, pulling away. "You should make more of them."

"Don't tease me like that," Feliks huffed, crossing his arms. He wanted more of Toris, though he wasn't about to ask him for it. He knew enough about Jewish law to know that Toris had broken a lot of it for him already.

Toris smiled and leaned over Feliks. "How can I get you to make more?" he asked, blue eyes locking with Feliks's green ones. He licked his lips, watching Feliks tremble with desire. "You'd make them for me, right?" He winked, sending Feliks over the edge.

Feliks threw his arms around Toris and tackled him onto the rooftop, kissing him feverishly. He opened his mouth, giving Toris all the access he could ever want, which Toris readily took. His moans escaped his mouth before he realized he was making them.

Toris relished the moans Feliks was making before realizing that he was moaning softly as well. The sounds coming from him were almost involuntary. He wondered if it was involuntary for Feliks as well. Either way, he felt that if Feliks was making those noises he was obviously doing something right.

Feliks pulled away. "Toris, you break to many Jewish laws for me," he softly said. He smiled weakly at him. "Maybe we should stop here tonight." He regretted saying it as soon as he saw Toris's face fall. "I know how much it really does mean to you," he said. "And I know you're torn when it comes to me. Let's not be so hasty with this and wait until you know for sure, Toris. I don't mind doing that."

Toris thought it over. He had to admit that Feliks had a point. "You're right," he finally said, defeated. "My religion is important to me. It's all I ever really knew." He sighed. "I'm sorry about this, Feliks. Getting you all worked up and then not being able to do anything to help you."

"I'm the one who decided this, didn't I?" Feliks asked, cupping Toris's cheek in his hand. "I'm okay with it, Toris. I can wait. Because waiting will make it all worth it in the end, right?"

"Where the hell did I find you?" Toris asked, smiling at him. He chuckled as he kissed down Feliks's neck. "It's like you were designed specifically for me."

"Who knows?" Feliks said. "Maybe I was." He smiled at Toris and gave him a quick kiss. "Looks like we'll never know."

Toris smiled. "I know one thing, though. You are everything I could ever ask for. I don't even care that you are a male. It doesn't matter to me. I adore you the way you are."

Feliks's smiled widely. "I adore you as well, Toris. And that's why I'm willing to wait." He grabbed Toris's hands and kissed them. "You have done so much for me, so this is the very least I could do for you."

Toris smiled. "You amaze me," he softly said. "And I am so glad that we get to be together like this every evening."

"Maybe one day we can be together until morning," Feliks suggested with a wink. "But I would only want that if you were sure about it."

Toris felt his heart rate speed up in his chest. "Stay here some night?" he asked. He knew exactly what Feliks had in mind. And he was starting to reach the point where he showed an interest in it as well. "Is your bed big enough?"

Feliks squeezed Toris's hands. "We'll use my parents' bed," he said, smiling. "It's big enough for both of us to have fun in."

Toris gulped. "That's wonderful," he stammered. "It sounds like a great plan." He tried to focus his breathing and make sure it stayed normal. "I look forward to it."

"But it's only if you're sure you want to do something like that," Feliks reminded. "If not, it's at least big enough to sleep in. Because I would want to sleep by your side."

"I wouldn't mind sleeping next to you," Toris said, smiling. "How about you give me until tomorrow night to think it over?" he suggested. "And if I decide it's what I want, we'll try it tomorrow. If I decide I'm not ready yet, we can at least sleep next to each other."

Feliks smiled warmly. "I'd like that," he said, lacing his fingers between Toris's. "We can watch the sky tomorrow night and then go to bed afterwards. And our bedtime activities are up to you, Toris. I wouldn't be upset if you decided tomorrow night wasn't for you."

Toris nodded. "I'll keep that in mind," he decided. He absently nodded a few more times before turning to Feliks. "I had better go soon. But I'll stay here with you tomorrow night. It's a Friday night, so Lech and Aldona shouldn't mind. They're always asking if I ever will anyway."

"Looks like you will tomorrow, then," Feliks said with a smile.

"And I can't wait," Toris said before leaning in and kissing Feliks's cheek.

.

Toris showed up at Feliks's house the next evening after spending the day with Raivis, Lech, and Aldona. No one was surprised that he was finally staying all night. Aldona had actually packed them some snacks because she was so happy that Feliks didn't have to stay alone.

Feliks answered the door, wearing the blue sundress that matched Toris's eyes. He smiled widely when he saw Toris. "Good evening, Toris Laurinaitis," he said, smiling. He grabbed Toris and pulled him inside, eagerly pressing a kiss to his lips when the door was closed. "How was your day, my favorite Lithuanian male?"

Toris smiled widely. "I'm great! And how is my favorite Polish male?" he asked, pecking Feliks's cheek. "Aldona made snacks for us."

Feliks smiled. "I'll have to remember to thank her tomorrow." He stood on his tip-toes to kiss Toris's cheek. "And I'm doing well. You came just in time for sunset."

Toris smiled. "I'm glad. We can eat Aldona's snacks while we watch the sunset on the rooftop together." He smiled as Feliks nodded and led him toward the stairs to the rooftop. "And I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do tonight."

"You have?" Feliks asked, pretending not to be as interested as he really was. He made sure not to let Toris feel how quickly his heart was racing. "And what have you decided?"

Toris was quiet for a moment. It was true that he had been wracking his brain all day over it. He had been stressing himself out over it. "I was thinking it over, and I want to see how far we can take it tonight," he said. "Let's just go with what happens. And if we end up sleeping together, then that's what we'll do."

Feliks smile. "I like how you think," he decided. "You're a great thinker." He led him up to the rooftop to watch the sunset. "Isn't this beautiful? I don't think you've seen a sunset like this from my rooftop."

Toris smiled as he looked at the sky. It looked like it was in flames, just like his heart at that time. He was so mesmerized by it that he didn't notice Feliks laying out a blanket and taking the snacks from him. He didn't really notice anything but the colors all blending together in the sky that seemed so close to him.

"Toris, are you coming to sit with me?" Feliks asked, bringing him back to earth. He patted the spot on the blanket next to him when Toris looked over. "I would like to have your company at some point."

"Coming," Toris said. He sat next to Feliks. "Sorry about that. The sky was just so beautiful, Feliks." He sighed happily. "I wouldn't want to watch this with anyone else." He slipped his hand on top of Feliks's and held it.

Feliks smiled. "I was thinking the same thing." He poked his fingers between Toris's. "You're wonderful, Toris. I really mean that. And remember, there's no pressure about tonight. Like I said, if we end up going to bed and only sleeping tonight, I would be content with that."

"Are you sure?" Toris asked. "I wouldn't want to disappoint you at all."

"You could never disappoint me by not being ready for such a big step," Feliks said, looking over at Toris. "I promise you that, Toris." He kissed his cheek lightly. "Now how should we begin all of this tonight? I don't know about you, but this sunset seems pretty romantic to me."

Toris smiled at Feliks and turned to kiss him. "It is romantic," he said before colliding his lips to Feliks's. His hand went to Feliks's hair and tangled into the golden strands. He kissed him deeply, tongue exploring the wet cavern of Feliks's mouth.

Feliks moaned slightly at Toris's touches as the heat began to build up between them once more. This time it was at a faster rate than the night before. His heart rate sped up as he tangled his fingers into Toris's brown locks. More than anything, he wanted what he had the night before. He pulled away. "Toris, it looks like we're almost back to where we were last night."

"It appears that way, doesn't it?" he asked. He began to unbutton his shirt, feeling hot once more. The sun hadn't gone down yet, and the sunset made Toris's tanned skin glow. He panted as he tried to catch his breath after kissing Feliks

Feliks's eyes widened. "Toris, the sunset makes you glow," he sighed out. "You just look amazing!" He placed his hands over Toris's muscles. "I could never get sick of this. You look so much better than me."

"Liar," Toris laughed. "You are so pale and thin. You look amazing like that. Your body type is perfect for you, Feliks."

"You really think so?" Feliks asked, looking up at him and biting his lip nervously.

"Should I try to find a way to prove it to you?" Toris asked, raising an eyebrow.

"How?" Feliks asked. He looked into Toris's eyes and they immediately began kissing once more as Toris unbuttoned the back of Feliks's dress. "Toris, if you wanted me out of my dress you could've just asked me."

"Actions speak louder than words," Toris simply said, smiling. He helped Feliks out of the dress. "And you are so pale and beautiful, Feliks."

Feliks blushed. "Just kiss me, Toris."

As the two kissed, they began to place their hands all over the body of the other boy. Soon, their hands were resting in places that the other boy never imagined he'd touch on another male. But finally Toris pulled away as it got later in the night.

"I don't think I can do this," he softly said, shaking his head. "I just…"

"Hey," Feliks said, cupping Toris's cheeks in his hands. "It's okay, Toris. I said it was going to be okay if we didn't." He smiled at Toris, striving not to show his disappointment.

Toris slowly nodded. "Feliks, let's go inside. I ruined the mood."

Feliks nodded. "Can we cuddle at least?" he asked, getting up as he picked up Toris's shirt and his sundress.

Toris smiled. "Yeah, we can do that."

Feliks smiled. "Then we're all good."

.

Toris laid next to Feliks's sleeping form in a large bed that night. Feliks had fallen asleep a long while before. It made him smile to hear Feliks softly snoring next to him, but he couldn't help but feel sad for disappointing him. He really did want to have sex with Feliks, but he was scared that Feliks wouldn't truly want it.

Was it him that truly didn't want it after all? What was his problem anyway? Was he just not ready? No, he had to be. There was nothing he really wanted more. Yesterday, all he had wanted was to have sex with Feliks, and then when the time came, he had backed down. But why had he? And why was he now up at the late hours of the night regretting it?

"Feliks," he softly said, nudging the Polish boy. "Feliks, wake up."

"Ngh," Feliks mumbled, blinking his eyes open. "What is it, Toris?"

"I think I'm ready, Feliks," Toris said after a moment. "Let's do it."

Feliks sat straight up, suddenly wide awake. "Wait, you are?"

Toris nodded. "Let's do it."


	6. Chapter 6

Toris's heart was racing as he looked at Feliks in his soft silk nightgown. He nervously bit his lip as he fiddled with the straps on the Polish boy's shoulders. Though he so badly wanted the silky nightgown off of Feliks, he didn't want to force it off of him.

Feliks slipped the straps of the nightgown from his shoulders. His eyes teasingly gazed at Toris as he slid the silky fabric over his head. He moved closer to Toris, clad only in his underwear. He gazed into Toris's deep blue eyes and slipped his hands onto his sturdy shoulders before pressing his lips gently to his.

The young Lithuanian wasn't having any of that, though. His arms quickly wrapped around Feliks's waist as he smashed his thin body against his, kissing him fiercely. Now was not the time for gentle kisses. In fact, now was not the time for gentle anything. He wanted more than just that, way more. And he knew that Feliks did as well.

Feliks gasped against Toris's lips, eyes opening wide. His mind went into a whirlwind with the realization that Toris was serious! He closed his eyes and melted into the kiss, snaking his arms around Toris's neck and down his shoulders. He was ready for this. He had been since the day he had met that beautiful Jewish boy.

Toris unbuttoned his shirt and quickly took it off before doing the same with his pants. He felt the rush from kissing someone and his body felt like it was overheating. His body was almost acting on its own and it almost scared him. It slightly scared him, but he knew he could trust himself. It wasn't like his body would betray him anyway. This was what he wanted.

Feliks trembled with anticipation. He wanted it so bad it was almost painful. Even Toris telling him he was ready and wanted to have sex with him got him aroused and he couldn't even think straight. His body was just moving on its own by that point, and he was just fine with that, considering he had never done anything like this before anyway.

Toris sat with Feliks, both boys in their underwear and breathing heavily. He plucked at the top of Feliks's underwear at the elastic waistband. He could already see that Feliks was nearly fully erect, and that excited him to the point where he was nearly there as well. By that point he was being driven solely by lust, and lust alone. He wanted Feliks, and he wanted him bad. His desires were what was leading him to the beautiful, pale Polish boy.

Feliks removed the underwear, laying back on the bed. He was ready. He had been ready for so long that it made his heart pound to know that it was finally time. His head was spinning.

Toris reached down and stroked Feliks's length carefully, trying to pleasure him as much as possible, taking in the sweet moans coming from him. He was loving every moment, savoring the sounds coming from Feliks as he watched the expressions on his lover's face.

"Yours, too," Feliks managed to say softly. "Take yours off, Toris." He pulled at Toris's underwear with the little strength he could summon through the pleasure coursing through his body. His legs wrapped around Toris's waist as he pulled the Lithuanian on top of him and kissed him deeply. "I love you," he murmured between kisses. "Please do something for me."

"What's that?" Toris asked, shimmying out of his underwear as he kissed Feliks back. He was so painfully aroused that he almost couldn't think straight.

"Make me yours," Feliks breathed. "Make love to me, Toris. Right now."

Toris spotted a jar of cold cream on a vanity across the room and went to grab it, moving Feliks's legs from his torso. He came back to the bed with it and opened it. "Hold on one moment," he said, opening the jar.

"What are you doing with that?" Feliks asked as Toris positioned him back to the way he was, jar open next to them.

"Hold on a moment," Toris said. "I'll show you." He dipped a couple fingers into the cold cream. His fingers trailed down Feliks's length, causing the Polish boy to shudder with ecstasy. They trailed lower and lower until they reached their destination, one entering.

Feliks gasped out and squeezed his eyes shut. "Toris!" he exclaimed.

Toris frowned. "What's wrong? Are you okay, Feliks?"

He nodded. "I'm fine," he said. "I just needed to get used to it is all." Feliks was quiet for a moment or two. "I'm ready for another," he finally said. He cringed as Toris inserted another.

"Do you want me to stop?" Toris asked, concerned.

Feliks shook his head. "No," he said. "After I get used to them being there, it actually feels really good." He pulled Toris down into a passionate kiss that lasted for a few minutes as Toris prepared him for what was to come. "I'm ready," he breathed, nodding to Toris.

Toris nodded to him and removed his fingers. He kissed Feliks's forehead. "I love you," he said to him before thrusting into him.

Feliks let out a sharp cry that faded into a soft moan. He shuddered a little and then paused, clinging to Toris until he felt comfortable. "Keep going," he breathed to him. "I'm ready for it, Toris."

A few minutes later, both boys lay side by side, hands tightly clasped as they breathed heavily and gazed into each other's eyes. Neither of them had ever felt more complete than at that moment, lying next to the other on that bed. They were both so in love that neither of them could help it at all.

"You're wonderful," Feliks softly said to Toris. "I have never felt more amazing in my life." He sighed out happily. "Now I can sleep happily and well." He leaned over and kissed Toris happily. "I love you, Toris Laurinaitis."

"And I love you, Feliks Łukasiewicz," Toris said back, rubbing his back gently. His eyes drifted shut. He had never felt so energized and tired at once. If only he could just stay awake, but he could feel his consciousness drifting from him. Before he fell asleep, he squeezed Feliks's hand one last time, smiling contentedly.

.

When Toris got home the next day, Aldona asked him and Raivis to go to the market to get some ingredients for dinner. He agreed to go, seeing that Aldona had a lot of cleaning to do and noticing that Lech wasn't feeling the best. It was also a great time to bond with Raivis.

"So how was your night at Feliks's house?" Raivis asked. "Did you sleep well?"

"I slept fine," Toris said with a shrug, pretending to be indifferent to the fact that he had slept better than he had ever slept in his life. "Do you remember the way to the market?"

Raivis nodded. "Yeah, it's right this way," he said. He bit his lip. "Haven't you been to the market before?"

"Yeah, but it's been awhile," Toris said. "My Polish has improved a lot, so I can finally understand the people there." He smiled proudly. "This time I'll be able to buy the things we need."

"When I came here with Aldona a couple weeks ago, she seemed troubled and kept shooting worried glances at me," Raivis said, looking at his shoes. He trembled a little. "I think they were talking about all of the scary things happening in Germany and the countries around us."

"You mean like what they are doing to Jewish people?" Toris asked.

Raivis nodded. "I think so…"

"There's nothing to be scared of," Toris told him. "We're fine here. No one knows that we are Jewish. We'll be okay."

Raivis nodded quickly. "R-Right!" he stammered. "You're right. There's no way anyone will ever find out anyway."

"Exactly," Toris told him. "We're safe here, Raivis. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Raivis nodded as they approached the market. "Let's just hurry and get the stuff and leave. I'll get the vegetables. You get the fruits."

Toris nodded. "Okay, we can do that. I'll meet you right here." He began to walk toward the fruit stands where local farmers presented some of their fruits. Though he couldn't help but overhear a conversation from two Polish men near him.

"They're trying to get rid of all of those fucking Jews," a man said. "I say let Hitler do it. Do us all a favor and rid the earth of all of them."

Toris felt his heart sink into his gut as the other man replied with, "The less Jews in this world, the better. We really don't need any here in Poland. You know, I hear that the Nowacks are harboring a few Jews that escaped Germany."

"Are they fucking stupid?!" the first man angrily demanded. "Why would they let those Jews come here?! Don't they know that will bring the Nazis here?!" He pounded his fist onto the side of his fruit cart and then noticed Toris. "Hey, kid. Can I help you?"

Toris pointed to the apples, remembering that Aldona wanted to make apple pies later that day. "Could I get a dozen apples?" he asked, speaking Polish to the best of his ability.

"Sure thing, kid," he said, filling a bag with twelve apples as Toris got the money out of his pocket and handed it to him. "You're not from here, are you?"

"Lithuania," Toris answered, accepting the apples. "I came here to study abroad."

"You seem like a smart kid, but don't you know there's a war going on?" the second man asked. "Surely your family must be worried about you."

Toris shrugged. "Maybe."

"You seem like a kid with a good head on your shoulders," the first man said. "Try to stay out of trouble, okay?"

"I will try," Toris answered. He waved as he began to walk away. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome!" the first man cheerfully called to him. He then turned back to the other man and said, "I think we should just kill all of the Jews," causing Toris's blood to turn cold.

"Toris, is something wrong?" Raivis asked, meeting back up with him at their meeting spot. "You're so pale. You don't look too well."

"I think I need to go lie down is all," Toris said, putting a clammy hand to his forehead. He couldn't believe that man could be so kind to him and then say something like that, not knowing that Toris was a Jew himself. It was so unsettling that it made Toris want to vomit right then and there. Now he understood why Raivis shook constantly. He also understood why Aldona felt nervous about taking Raivis there.

"Do you want me to carry the apples?" Raivis asked, offering his free hand.

"No, that's okay," Toris answered. "I've got them." He sighed. "Let's just hurry back to the house. I would like to lie down." He didn't want to admit to Raivis that he was scared because Raivis looked up to him. If he told Raivis that he was scared of something, Raivis would be terrified. And that was the last thing Toris wanted.

"If you're sure," Raivis said, sounding doubtful of Toris. He eyed him suspiciously. "What made you suddenly start feeling sick, Toris?"

"I don't know," he lied. "Something just suddenly came over me. I just really don't feel very well." He began to lead the way back to the house, his pace faster than usual. "Raivis, have Aldona and Lech been working with you on learning Polish at all?"

Raivis rolled his eyes. "I have no interest in learning Polish," he answered. "I don't really want to stay here. I would rather go away to a different country, like Italy or Austria or a country like that. So I'd rather learn a language like that instead."

Toris had to refrain from breathing a sigh of relief. "I see," he said. "Have you ever thought of Switzerland? I heard it's nice there."

"Switzerland, you say?" Raivis asked. "I hadn't thought about there. But it does sound nice. I might have to consider that one…"

Toris smiled, glad that he got Raivis's mind off of his condition. He was more worried about getting home without passing out, and he didn't need Raivis worrying about it as well. That would just cause more stress, which he really didn't need. The last thing he needed was Raivis freaking out over something as seemingly pointless as Toris's health while Toris was freaking out over the fact that there were people who wanted them dead.

.

"Toris, may I ask you something?" Aldona asked Toris that evening after dinner. Her gray eyes studied him carefully as he sat at the table.

"Hmm?" he asked, looking up from the table where he had been drawing patterns with his fingertip on the wood.

"Did something happen at the farmer's market today?" Aldona asked. "I noticed that you went back to your room when you got home and you barely ate all day." She frowned and sat across from him. "You know you can talk to me or Lech about anything, right? I just want to know if something happened. You just seem very distressed and I want to help if I can."

"I've been learning Polish in my spare time with Feliks," Toris began. "So I can understand it, but I can't speak it too well." He bit his lip and looked up at Aldona. "I heard them talking about Jews today at the market."

Aldona bit her lip and looked down. "Oh, I see." She frowned. "What kinds of things were they saying, dear?"

"They want us dead," Toris softly said. "And it made me very thankful that Raivis can't speak or understand Polish. It would have caused a nervous breakdown for him, and that would have been awful for all of us. But to be honest, I have never been more scared in my life."

"I took Raivis with me there a couple weeks ago, and they were saying things like that then, too," Aldona admitted. "I kept looking to Raivis because I forgot that he couldn't understand them. I think I made him suspicious, but it made me uncomfortable that they would speak so openly like that in front of people. It was so sad." Her frown deepened. "Why can't people just be nice?"

"I've always wondered that," Toris sighed, looking up at Aldona. "The world may be a beautiful place, but it's so cruel as well." He frowned. "I'm scared, Aldona. What will we do if the Nazis come here?"

Aldona sighed. "We will just have to find out when that day comes, Toris," she answered. "I wish I could tell you that would never happen, but even I don't know that, dear."

"Thanks for not lying to me," Toris said. "That at least helps me feel better. I'd rather hear the cold, hard truth than a lie any day."

Aldona walked over to his side of the table and hugged him. "I wish things could be easier for you, for all of us. Don't lose hope, Toris. It isn't the end."

"I feel like it is," Toris sighed. He frowned and held his head in his hands. "I'm scared, Aldona. I'm so scared." His body began to tremble like Raivis's. "I can't stop thinking about the cruelty in that man's voice as he said that all Jews should die…"

She ran her fingers through his hair comfortingly. "Toris, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay. No one will find out that you're Jewish. Lech and I will never tell anyone. You're safe here with us, I promise."

Toris leaned against her, squeezing his eyes shut. "Do you think the Germans will come?" he softly asked.

"It's hard to say," Aldona answered, still gently running her fingers through Toris's brunet locks. "But I do know one thing. You can't live your life fearing what will happen the next day. You have to free yourself from all worries and live your life in the present. Only then can you truly live." She kissed the top of his head. "You are a good kid, Toris. Remember that."

Toris nodded, accepting her praise. Yet deep down he couldn't help but feel that he wasn't as good of a kid as she thought he was. After all, he had lost his virginity the night before, and to a guy at that! But he knew that no one ever had to know about that. It was his and Feliks's secret.

"I know you're scared, but I also know how strong you are, Toris," Aldona said. "Be strong for Raivis. He needs you to be strong. I know that's selfish of me to ask of you, and I'm sorry to ask, but it's what we all really need right now."

Toris slowly nodded. "I understand," he said. "I can do it, Aldona. I just need time to calm down." He took a deep breath. "I'll be fine in a little bit."

"You're all shook up, Toris," Aldona said with a nod of understanding. "Anyone in their right mind would be after hearing things like that. Take your time to recover from the shock of it. I can distract Raivis for you if you'd like. I'm sure Lech and I could find something for him to do. Please, go lie down in your room. You look as if you've seen a ghost." She frowned and pushed his hair back from his face. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about you right now."

"There's no need to worry about me," Toris told her. "I'll be fine. I think I may just need some rest right now is all."

"That's good to hear, but it won't stop me from worrying, Toris," she softly said. "Do you need help walking to your room."

He shakily stood. "I'll be fine," he insisted. "This is nothing. I've been worse before."

"You may have been, but that was back in Lithuania," Aldona reminded. "It was back when you were home with your family, not here with us." She sighed. "Would you like me to bring you anything?"

"No, I think I'll be okay," he said, sighing. He leaned heavily against the wall for a moment. "I think my fright just has me slightly weak is all."

"Toris," she softly said, frowning.

He stood up. "I'll be fine," he insisted. "My room is just this way. I can make it, no problem." It took all of his energy to walk to his and Raivis's shared room and make it to his bed. He flopped down onto it, his face burying into the pillow.

"Toris, are you feeling okay?" Raivis nervously asked from his own bed across the small room.

"Aldona wants you," Toris told him, looking up from the pillow. He was envious of the way Raivis was able to stay completely oblivious to everything going on around them at that time. It almost made him angry. Why did Raivis get to ignore the fact that everyone hated their kind and wanted them dead while he had to carry the burden of knowing it all too well?

"Oh, I should go see what she wants," Raivis said. He got up from his bed and walked over to Toris's bed for a moment. "I really hope you feel better soon, Toris. It's odd having you all mopey and sick. I like it better when you're happy."

"I do too," Toris huffed from his pillow. "I'll get my rest and try to feel better soon, Raivis, I promise. Just please hurry and get to Aldona."

Raivis nodded to him. "I'll talk to you later when you're done resting then," he said. With that, he rushed from the room to help Aldona.

Toris felt bad keeping Raivis in the dark, but he knew it was much better for the boy's nerves to make sure he didn't find out about those awful men and their hurtful words unless something were to happen that would directly affect them. It almost pained him to keep a secret like that from his young, oblivious cousin, yet he had to keep reminding himself that it was for the best that he did. Raivis was too nervous to know the truth. He didn't want to know what would happen if Raivis found out what those men had said. He didn't want to explain to Raivis how hated their kind truly was.

He sighed and rolled onto his back, finally letting his tears flow. His crying was silent, just small streams of tears trickling down the sides of his face as he held in the loud, heart-wrenching sobs that wanted to escape from him. Now was not the time for those. Not when Raivis, Aldona, and Lech could hear him. Toris supposed he could confide in Feliks later and maybe, just maybe, he could let the tears flow then. But not there. Not where Raivis would be able to see or hear.

Of course, if he were to cry in front of Feliks, he didn't know how Feliks would take to that. He had never showed any sign of weakness in front of Feliks at all, so he had no idea how the Polish boy would react to it. But in Toris's eyes, crying in front of Feliks and showing weakness to Feliks was better than doing that with Raivis. Because at least Feliks wasn't always looking up to him and watching his every move. Toris didn't feel like he couldn't fail Feliks.

That's because Feliks was different to Toris. Feliks was something special to Toris. It wasn't like Toris felt like he could fail Feliks or anything like that, but Toris just didn't feel any kind of pressure around him at all. There was no pressure, no tension, no facade, nothing like that. All there was, from what Toris could tell, was truth. No one was fake. No one was lying about anything. And maybe that was what Toris truly needed all along.


	7. Chapter 7

August 31, 1939, Warsaw, Poland

Toris laid back on Feliks's bed with him. He was staying over again. His body snuggled against his lover's so perfectly as the two of them kissed. Everything felt so perfect, so right. He always felt so wonderful whenever he was with that beautiful Polish boy.

Feliks kissed Toris passionately. "I love you," he softly told him between kisses. Each time he said it, he would switch languages, the first time in Polish, and the second time in Lithuanian. He slowly unbuttoned Toris's shirt as he kissed him, soon trailing kisses across his jaw and then down his neck and torso, pausing at the waistline of his pants.

Toris blushed. He wanted more, but he didn't dare ask Feliks for it. Even though he and Feliks had sex on a regular basis, he never once asked Feliks for it, and Feliks never asked him. It was just kind of a thing that they both knew each other wanted without having to ask. Either way, he unzipped and unbuttoned his pants.

Feliks grinned up at him. "Thanks," he said, moving up to give him a quick, lingering kiss on the lips. He then pulled Toris's length out of his underwear. It was harder than he thought it would be by that point. "I turn you on this much?" he teasingly asked.

"What can I say?" Toris asked, smiling. "You are just that amazing."

"And I plan to get even better," Feliks said before taking Toris's full length into his mouth. He licked and sucked as it reached fully erect. He then removed it from his mouth and wrapped his hand around it, pumping slowly and then faster.

Toris squeezed his eyes shut as he moaned softly. "Feliks," he softly said. "You are just amazing…" He leaned back against the headboard of the four-poster bed. "I love you."

Feliks grinned at Toris and kissed him. "I want to make you feel good, Toris. I want you to always feel good." He nuzzled his face into Toris's neck, which was now a little damp with sweat. "Because when you love someone, their feelings become more important than yours."

A few minutes later, Toris cuddled Feliks close to him after doing to him what he had done. "I love you, Feliks Łukasiewicz. I'm more sure of it than anything now." He ran his fingers through Feliks's hair, smiling. "You are everything to me. And I would never want anyone else."

"Neither would I," Feliks said, lacing his fingers between Toris's. "You're so good to me, Toris. I've never met another person quite like you. I'm glad that you love me too."

"Why wouldn't I love you?" Toris asked. "I've always been in love with you, Feliks. From the moment I saw you. Even when I found out you were a man."

Feliks snuggled him. "I love you, Toris. You're the best." He yawned. "What do you say we go to bed? I'm tired." His eyes fluttered closed as he placed one last kiss on Toris's jaw. "Goodnight, Toris. I hope tomorrow is just as perfect as today was."

.

September 1, 1939, Warsaw, Poland

Toris woke with a start the next morning to angry pounding at the door. He already knew who it was. He could tell by the pounding that it had to be those hateful Jew oppressors. It was too soon! Why were they there now? His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for the next set of knocks.

"Feliks!" he whispered. "Feliks, follow my lead! Please! It's important! Put on one of your dresses, and don't say a word!"

Feliks rubbed at his eyes but nodded. "What's going on?" he sleepily whispered, yawning.

"Not another word, Feliks," Toris warned. "Don't say another word until I tell you that you can speak again. Do you understand. This is bad. I'll go answer the door." He stood up and straightened up his clothes, praying that this could just be a nightmare and that he would wake up. His heart was pounding and he felt like he was going to vomit at any moment. It was so awful that he could barely breath. He was becoming lightheaded, but he knew he had to stand strong and answer that door, fighting the urge to run and hide.

"Hello?" he asked, opening the door. He was even surprised that his voice didn't shake as he spoke.

"English or German," the man at the door said. "Speak it."

Toris blinked in surprise and struggled to remember his English lessons he had taken back home in Lithuania. He struggled to recall everything, but soon did. The guns the men held jogged his memory quickly. "Oh, yes," he said in English. "I speak English."

"Are you Jewish, boy?" the man at the door asked, German accent very heavy.

"No, sir," Toris quickly answered. He was immediately met with soul-crushing guilt. How could he have so easily denied everything he had ever known? How could he have so easily denied the God that he was just praying to on the way to the door just like that? He felt sick. He just wanted God to strike him dead right then and there.

"Does anyone else live here?" the man asked him.

"This is actually my girlfriend's house, but she is terribly shy," Toris answered. "Her name is Sara Łukasiewicz."

"We are going to need confirmation on her existence," the man said. "Bring her to the door."

Toris nodded. "One moment, please. I will go and get her." He left the doorway, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut.

Feliks met him in the hallway, a terrified look in his eyes, yet he didn't say a word, remembering Toris's words. He was wearing the folk dress that he wore the night that Toris had fallen in love with him, his hair pinned back with a beautiful clip that matched the dress.

"Your name is Sara for now," Toris softly whispered so his voice wouldn't carry. "You are my girlfriend and I live here with you. You are shy and you don't talk because you're scared of men other than me. Do you understand?"

Feliks carefully nodded before grabbing Toris's hand. He bit his lips shut and followed Toris to the door, peeking up at the men at the door with his large, green eyes. His blonde hair tickled Toris's neck as a breeze blew in.

Toris gestured to the men. "This is my girlfriend, Sara," he said. "She only speaks Polish."

Feliks blushed and shyly waved to them with his free hand, hiding behind Toris.

"You have yourself a beauty there," the man said to Toris. "But I don't believe I caught your name, son."

"Toris Laurinaitis," Toris said, offering his free hand to shake. He wasn't as scared as he was at first, but he was still nervous that he would be caught. "I was originally from Lithuania."

"What brought you to Poland?" the man suspiciously asked.

"My parents saw it as an opportunity for me to learn about another culture for a semester," he said. "I was originally living with some family friends before I met the love of my life." Toris turned to smile fondly at Feliks, who shyly smiled back. He couldn't believe how easily it came to him to lie to these men when he normally couldn't tell a lie to save his life. "And now I'm considering getting membership to the country so Sara and I could be happy together."

"I see," the man said. He raised an eyebrow. "Well I wish you two luck. We will probably be back in a few days to speak more with you. And we will be bringing an interpreter to speak with her as well." He pointed to Feliks. "So make sure she's ready to talk."

"Thank you, sir," Toris said with a nod. "I will do that. Have a wonderful day."

After he had shut the door, he sank against it, trembling like Raivis usually did. He was terrified out of his mind to the point where tears were streaming down his face without him even noticing. He couldn't even explain to Feliks what had happened. All he wanted was for Feliks to hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, but he knew Feliks couldn't talk near the door. Instead, he just held Feliks close and sobbed quietly into his shoulder before he picked himself up and went to the bedroom.

.

"What the actual fuck just happened?" Feliks demanded when Toris had finally calmed down. "Who were those men and what did they want?"

"They were the Nazis," Toris answered. "I just lied to a bunch of fucking Nazis." He could barely believe his own ears when he realized what he was saying. "Feliks, I lied to the people who are trying to kill me. I betrayed my people and my way of life. I don't even know who I am anymore."

"You are Toris Laurinaitis," Feliks answered for him, "and I am your beautiful girlfriend Sara Łukasiewicz. And we are going to get through this together. We just need to talk to Lech and Aldona."

"But you can't go there in that, and I don't trust those men with you here alone," Toris said. "If they find out you're a man they'll kill you."

"Looks like Lech's going to have to get over it," Feliks said. "We'll explain why I have to wear this and why you have to live here from now on." He sighed. "And now I have to start making my voice higher whenever I speak. This is going to be torture."

"Like you said, we can make it through this together," Toris told him. "It won't be as bad as you think it will be."

"Of course not," Feliks said. "Because I know that you'll always be here by my side. With my love by my side, I can endure anything."

Toris smiled proudly. "That's right. The same goes for you." He leaned in and kissed Feliks's lips. "I'm so lucky to have you, you know that?"

"Oh, I know," Feliks answered. "You're pretty damn lucky." He winked at him. "I'll protect you with my life if I have to. No one will ever know your secret, Toris. I'll make sure of that."

At that moment, Toris felt more safe than he had felt all day. He knew that he could trust Feliks, because now they were quite literally "partners in crime". "I love you," Toris told him before kissing him again. "As if I don't tell you that enough."

"I would gladly hear it forever," Feliks told him, smiling. "As long as you mean it every time you say it."

"And I do," Toris said. "You are my savior right now, Feliks. My life depends on you keeping my secret. And I know that my secret is safe with you. I know we can get away with this. Everything is going to be okay."

"You're damn right it is," Feliks said, cupping Toris's cheek in his hand. "And if it's not, I'll make it okay, just for you. I'll change things to make them in your favor, I promise. No one will ever take you away. I promise you'll get out safe, even if that means I get taken in your place."

"Feliks, please don't say that," Toris said, eyes filling with tears. It sounded too real to him. He didn't want to think about Feliks being taken away and possibly being tortured or killed. "We're going to be just fine. I know we will be. We have to be, you know?"

"I'm just saying that to reassure you," Feliks explained. "It's not like it will happen."

"I know it won't, but please don't say it," Toris said. "That could jinx it."

"I don't believe in superstitions," Feliks laughed. He turned away from Toris. "Come on, let's get ready to go to Lech and Aldona's. We have to get your stuff since you're going to live here with me from now on."

Toris nodded. "Right," he said. He felt bad leaving Raivis behind, but he knew he had to live there since he was the one who had answered the door. "I feel bad that I have to leave Raivis there."

"I know that Lech and Aldona will take care of him," Feliks said. "And if anything, he can move in here with us in a while once things settle down. But for now it has to be just us, okay?" He sighed. "He will be okay."

"I know he will, but he looks up to me," Toris sighed. "It just makes me feel bad to leave him there alone when he depends so much on me."

"Well he's welcome to come over here anytime during the day," Feliks said. He then turned to face Toris and winked. "But I get you all to myself at night."

Toris laughed. "Of course. I wouldn't give up nights with you for anything."

"That's my boy," Feliks laughed. "Now get ready to go to Lech and Aldona's."

.

"You poor thing!" Aldona sympathized, hugging Toris at the table. "I can't believe you had to talk to them! We completely understand you situation!" She looked up at Feliks. "Are you sure you don't mind, Feliks?"

"It doesn't look like I have much of a choice to mind or not," Feliks laughed. "And I'm sorry that I had to come here in a dress, but someone told them that I'm a girl. So now I have to practice speaking in a high voice and all that."

Aldona sighed. "Good luck with that." She gave Toris a sharp look. "Now, why would you do that to Feliks?"

"Have you seen his usual dress attire?" Toris asked. "You couldn't get him to wear pants or male clothing to save his life."

Feliks laughed. "That is quite true. And the Nazis are looking for reasons to kill people like me. He told them I was a girl to save me, Aldona. So I should technically be thanking him instead of complaining about what he said about me. After all, pitching my voice up a couple octaves shouldn't be too hard if it's only for a little bit, right? It's better than dying."

"You do have a point there, Feliks," Aldona agreed. She frowned. "I'm going to miss having you around the house, Toris. Please visit often. You too, Feliks. I'm sure Lech will forgive the dresses. After all, if he knew the circumstances he'd understand immediately."

"I hope so," Feliks sighed. "I don't really want to be alone with those men on the loose. I saw the way they stared at me."

"I hear you there," Aldona agreed. "Lech looked like he wanted to murder them for the way they looked at me."

Toris nodded. "Anyway, we came here to grab my things and say goodbye and explain things. They will probably be patrolling the streets at night, so we're wanting to get home before sundown."

"That sounds like a good idea. Great thinking, Toris," she said. "I'm glad that you're a smart kid."

He smiled proudly. "It was actually Feliks who thought that."

Aldona blushed. "Sorry. Great idea, Feliks. You're very smart."

Feliks smiled proudly. "Why thank you for the compliment. I really try."

.

Feliks undressed for bed and pulled a silk nightgown over his head before crawling in next to Toris. "We officially live together now. How do you feel about that?"

Toris looked over at him. "I don't know. I'm very happy and excited about it," he said, "but I'll also miss my little cousin a lot. We would talk about random things before going to bed, whereas we have sex before bed."

Feliks laughed. "We can talk before bed if you'd like. Hell, we could go and stargaze if you'd like."

"I'd rather not be out in the same air as them at night," Toris softly said. "Those Germans creep me out."

"I understand," Feliks sympathized with a nod. "It must be scary, huh? You're Jewish and they're after you, yet they have this false trust in you because you lied to them. But if they find out you lied to them, you're literally dead."

"Thanks for making my situation more real to me," Toris groaned.

Feliks frowned. "That wasn't what I was trying to do. I was trying to confirm that I really do know what's going on, unlike the popular opinion that seems to think I don't. And I'm aware of my own situation as well."

Toris sighed. "Just cuddle with me," he softly said. "I just want to be cuddled and reassured."

"Of course I can do that," Feliks said. He wrapped his arms around Toris, cradling his head against his collarbone. He kissed his lover's forehead. "I love you, Toris Laurinaitis. None of this is your fault. You are a good person. You did nothing wrong. Everything is going to be okay, I promise."

Toris closed his eyes and just listened to Feliks's voice as he told him those things. He still couldn't get it out of his head that one of the first things he did that morning was deny everything he had ever stood for, everything he had ever known. He just didn't understand it. It made his blood turn cold. How could he have done that so quickly, so easily? He didn't understand.

"What are you thinking about, Toris?" Feliks softly asked.

"How could I have done that so easily, Feliks?" he asked. "How could I have denied my God and my way of life so easily this morning? I did it so quickly. How did I do that? I don't understand it, Feliks. My parents would be ashamed of me. I know God definitely is. I'm ashamed of myself as well. This is not what I want for myself."

"Toris, God understands why you did it," Feliks softly said.

"No," Toris said, tears spilling from his eyes. "No he doesn't. Because when our faiths our tested is when we are to prove what we are. And I didn't do that because I knew what would happen to me. Feliks, I am a coward."

"You are not a coward, Toris Laurinaitis," Feliks said. "Never in a million years would I ever think that after seeing what I saw you do today. You talked to those Nazis today, Toris. You talked to them, and you did not back down once. You lied so smoothly that even I could have believed you if I didn't know otherwise. Even I couldn't have done that. Don't you ever call yourself a coward when I know otherwise. You are so brave, Toris." He kissed his lover's cheek. "I think you're amazing."

"I should never be proud of lying."

"But you lied to save me," Feliks said. "You lied for noble reasons, Toris. It wasn't like you were doing it for only your benefit. You did it to save my life. Don't you get that? If you would've told the truth, I could've died today. What part of that do you not understand? You saved my life by lying! You are my fucking hero!"

Toris blushed. "And you're sure you'd want a hero like me."

Feliks caressed Toris's cheek with his hand and smiled fondly at him. "I am absolutely certain that I would love to have you for my hero."

"And why is that?" Toris asked.

"Because you would risk everything to keep me safe. You proved that today."

Toris sat up and then moved so he was positioned above Feliks. He lowered himself to kiss him. "I love you," he said, pulling away. "You always know what to say to me."

Feliks smiled. "It's a gift of mine. Or maybe a talent."

"Talents and gifts are wonderful, aren't they?" Toris teasingly asked.

"My God, you're so alluring," Feliks sighed out.

"Then do something about it," Toris told him.

And just like that, every single worry each of them had about that day was forgotten. All of Toris's worries about being murdered for lying were taken away by Feliks. All of Feliks's hidden anxieties of his real gender being found out were taken away by Toris making love to him. Both boys were too distracted by their feelings of love and lust for the other to even think about how hard the day had been for each of them. After all, in an internal battle of fear and love, didn't love always prevail?


	8. Chapter 8

Toris woke the next morning tangled between Feliks's legs. He yawned and stretched, working on untangling himself, but Feliks just wouldn't budge. His sigh woke his lover. "Wake up, Sara," he said, shaking him gently.

Feliks blinked his eyes open. "The fuck did you call me?" he asked, moving his blond hair from his green eyes. "Oh, wait," he said as it dawned on him. "I am Sara now…" He sighed. "I keep forgetting that."

The Lithuanian boy sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, Feliks. But I knew you wouldn't wear male clothing and I wanted you to be okay and not die," he said, voice choking with the last few words. "I didn't want you to be taken away, okay?!"

"Toris, I didn't mean it like that!" Feliks quickly exclaimed, sitting up and holding Toris. "I didn't mean it in that way!" He kissed Toris's cheek repeatedly until he calmed down. "You did it to protect me. How could I ever be mad at you for something as noble as that? And you did it so I could still wear women's clothing. I could never be mad that you considered my comfort as well, dearest."

"Are you sure about that?" Toris asked. "I mean, I did it without consulting you."

"Well I wouldn't have chosen the name Sara, but that's just my personal preference that I'll just have to get over," Feliks said with a wink. He kissed Toris's cheek. "You're fine, Toris, I'm only kidding. Get a sense of humor. In hard times like these, it's best to have one."

Toris took a deep breath. "You're right, Feliks. It's best that I have one right now. Times are very trying. I should have a sense of humor, and I should have it now."

"That's the spirit," Feliks said before realizing that they were both still naked from the night before. "Now, I suggest that we'll both need a bath, what do you think? And then maybe we can look at clouds or you could help me practice speaking with a high voice?"

"Why not both?" Toris asked him. He smiled at his lover and kissed him tenderly, making sure to take in as much of Feliks as sensually possible for him. It was a moment he wanted to remember. He wanted to remember the first official day of his life with Feliks from his lover's appearance that morning to the way he smelled when he woke up. Toris wanted to remember it all.

"Toris, what are you doing?" Feliks asked when he noticed Toris inhaling. "Are you sniffing me?"

"I'm making a memory," Toris softly answered. "Let me do this."

Feliks laughed. "Fine, but only this once." He smiled as Toris's hands ran up and down his body, taking in the way he felt. "How exactly do you take in a memory?"

"I want to remember everything about this moment," Toris softly said. "I want to remember everything from the way you looked to the way you smelled to the way you sounded."

Feliks sniffed himself and made a disgusted face. "That smells like a terrible memory to me," he flatly stated. "Why not wait until we're bathed instead?"

Toris shook his head. "No," he softly said. "I want to remember right now because this marks the first morning of our life together. This marks the beginning of us. The beginning of Toris and Feliks."

The Polish boy smiled widely. "Then sniff away, my dear partner," he said before embracing him and kissing his face all over. Never in his life had he ever met a boy sweeter than Toris Laurinaitis.

.

Over the next few days, Feliks and Toris worked together to improve his ability to speak and act in a womanly manner to the point that Toris could barely tell that Feliks was even a man until they made love at night. Feliks actually enjoyed being a woman by day. It gave him great enjoyment, yet he was deathly afraid of the day he would have to speak in front of the Germans. Toris kept telling him not to be afraid and that he would do fine, but even then, Feliks felt like he wouldn't be able to do it.

Then the fateful day came. There was a strong knock at the door and Toris went to answer it, already knowing who it was due to the knock. It was the blasted Germans and their stupid interpreter.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," Toris greeted, opening the door for them.

The Germans stiffly greeted him and stepped inside. It wasn't the same group as the last time. These ones seemed more rude and mean than the last ones. The leader of them had blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.

"Good afternoon," the leader said. "My name is Lieutenant Ludwig Beilschmidt. I am here to speak with Miss Sara Łukasiewicz. Is she home?"

"Right here," Feliks said, voice high, as he walked into the room and gripped Toris's hand tightly. His eyes flashed to Toris as he squeezed his hand as if to say, Don't leave me here with them!

The interpreter turned to the lieutenant. "This is her," he said, gesturing to Feliks. "What would you like to ask her?"

"Ask her if she is Jewish," Lieutenant Beilschmidt commanded.

Feliks shook his head to the question when asked by the interpreter. "I was converted to Christianity at a very young age, sir," he answered in a high voice. "And before that, my family was Roman Catholic."

Lieutenant Beilschmidt nodded when he heard Feliks's answer. "My family was Christian as well," he answered, showing Feliks the cross necklace he wore under his uniform. "Next question then."

The interrogation went on for a solid twenty minutes before Lieutenant Beilschmidt ran out of questions. He seemed satisfied when finished, though. With a nod from him and a curtsey from Feliks, he left.

Feliks then turned to Toris. "I am drenched in sweat," he whispered. "I need a bath. I was so nervous that my knees were shaking the whole time…"

Toris leaned in and kissed Feliks's cheek. "I think you did well. And he seemed satisfied." He squeezed Feliks's sweat-soaked hand. "You're wonderful. Every answer was perfect. They won't be coming back for another interrogation from you, that's for sure."

"Are you sure?" Feliks nervously asked, turning pale. "I don't think I could handle another one. I feel like I'm going to faint any moment now…"

Toris's eyes widened as Feliks's eyes rolled back and he began to fall backwards. He caught him and laid him out on the couch. "Feliks?" he nervously asked. "Feliks, can you hear me?" He could see his lover's chest rising and falling, so he knew Feliks wasn't dead. Feliks had only fainted, but it worried Toris like no other!

.

When Feliks came to, Toris made him take a warm bath as he sat by the edge of the bathtub to make sure he didn't faint again. Feliks felt fine afterwards, but Toris still didn't trust it and insisted on staying by his love's side.

"You worry too much," Feliks sighed, scrubbing at one of his feet. "I'm completely fine. So what if I fainted? I'm fine now. You don't have to watch over me like I'm some fair maiden in a corset. Everything is okay."

"Feliks, you're important to me," Toris said. "That's why I worry about you."

"Well could you worry a little less?" Feliks asked. "That lieutenant seemed fine with all of my answers anyway." He sighed and ducked under the water for a few moments before rising out. "I'm fine, so you can go away."

"What if I don't want to?" Toris stubbornly asked.

Feliks glared at him. "Pervert," he grumbled before putting his mouth under the water and blowing bubbles at Toris out of anger. His anger soon subsided as he grew amused by the bubbles he was blowing."Dammit, Toris! I'm supposed to be mad at you!"

Toris smiled. "I didn't do anything."

"But I got distracted while being mad at you," Feliks protested. "Therefore, it's your fault!" He pointed an accusatory finger at Toris. "So why don't you go to the other room?"

"I don't feel like it," Toris said, smiling at him. "I'm rather comfortable right here, if I'm being honest, Feliks."

"Then get in here with me. You might be even more comfortable." Feliks winked at Toris. "Come on in, the water is fine, babe." He lifted his legs to either side of the bathtub and rested them there. "We've never made love in the bath before. It could be a new experience."

Toris's eyes widened. "You want to make love in the bathtub?" he asked.

"What? You don't?" he asked. "I know people do it sometime. I be Lech and Aldona have. I know my parents used to. So why can't we?"

Toris smiled and began to unbutton his shirt. "Well if you want to, I guess we can."

Feliks blushed. "Then go ahead and get in here with me. The water is just fine."

.

There was a knock at the door the next morning and Toris went to answer it. He yawned as he rubbed at his eyes. He had no idea who it could be since it couldn't be the Germans. The knock was too gentle to be them.

His eyes widened in surprise when he opened the door. It was the interpreter. "Can I help you, sir?" he asked him, blinking in surprise.

"You say your girlfriend is named Sara, correct?" the interpreter asked.

"That is correct," Toris said with a nod.

The interpreter's eyes narrowed. "I see through your lies, boy," he said. "But I kept your dirty secret from them. Are there any more lies between the two of you other than the fact that Sara is really Feliks?"

"How do you know that, sir?" Toris asked. "I have never seen you before."

"I knew Sara very well," he said. "Feliks looks enough like Sara Łukasiewicz, but I know enough about Sara to know that her voice didn't sound like that."

"Wait, there actually is a Sara Łukasiewicz?" Toris asked, astonished. "I didn't know that."

"How much do you know about the Łukasiewicz family?" the interpreter asked. "Do you know about their wealth and fame in design in Europe? Obviously not. Or else you would know what happened to the late Sara Łukasiewicz. Either way, Feliks does look just like his dear, late mother."

"Sara was his mother's name?" Toris asked. Suddenly, the memory of Feliks the other morning popped into his head. "Well I wouldn't have chosen the name Sara, but that's just my personal preference that I'll just have to get over," he had said. How could Toris have been so thoughtless? How could he have never thought to ask Feliks of his mother's name? "I never knew."

"How could you have been so cruel and thoughtless?" the interpreter asked. "You probably hurt him deeply with your carelessness. He is one who does not forgive things like that easily."

Toris gulped. "Is that all you came to say?" he asked.

"That is all," he confirmed.

"Then I bid you a good day, sir," Toris said before shutting the door.

"Who was that?" Feliks asked, coming into the living room in his nightgown. He was rubbing at his big, green eyes so cutely. He yawned and stretched.

"No one," Toris softly said, leaning against the door. He looked up at Feliks and noticed his feminine features. It made his heart pump faster in his chest, but it also caused more guilt to build up. "I just…"

Feliks looked concerned. "What's wrong, Toris?"

"Why didn't you tell me that your mother's name was Sara?" Toris suddenly blurted out. His eyes were wide but serious as he wondered if he should have said anything.

A hurt expression crossed Feliks's face for a moment. "Who told you that?" he finally said, voice cracking with hurt. When Toris stayed silent, he took a step toward him and raised his voice slightly. "Who told you that, Toris?!" he demanded.

"The interpreter came by and told me," Toris said. "He knew you mother."

Feliks looked down. "Oh," he softly said. "Yes, my mother's name was Sara Łukasiewicz. I don't know why I didn't tell you that. Maybe it's because I didn't want to tell you. I look just like her. I could easily pass for her if I styled my hair just right, you know." He sighed. "I'm an idiot."

"You're not," Toris said. "You don't have to tell me everything all at once. I haven't even told you about my own family." He sighed. "How about we get to know each other better? I can start."

Feliks looked up at him. "Toris…"

"I mean it. I am the oldest child of Tavas and Ingrida Laurinaitis," Toris began. "I have a younger sister named Dalia. She can be a pain at times, but she's very kind and caring like I am. I grew up on a farm, so I know how to harvest fields of crops and take care of animals."

Feliks smiled. "You have a little sister? I never knew that. How old is she?"

Toris smiled. "She just turned eleven," he answered. "I think it was last week. I sent her a letter for her birthday. I hope she got it. It was right before the Germans came."

The Polish boy smiled. "I hope she got it as well. It's so nice to have a caring older brother like you, Toris." He grinned. "My mother's name was Sara, and my father was named Aleksander. They named me Feliks, after my father's pet dog he had as a boy." He rolled his eyes. "Isn't that just pathetic?"

"I think that's actually adorable," Toris said, laughing.

"Oh, shut up," Feliks grumbled, crossing his arms. "Where did you get your name, Toris?"

Toris smiled sheepishly. "My mother had a cow she really liked as a child named Toris."

"That's worse than being named after a dog!" Feliks laughed. He ran to Toris and hugged him tightly. "God, I knew I was madly in love with you for a reason!" His lips pressed to Toris's and he giggled against his lips. "Named after a cow…"

"Shut up," Toris laughed against Feliks's lips.

Feliks grinned. "Make me."

"You really want me to?" Toris tested.

"I'd like to see you do so," Feliks said, eyes fluttering closed as he waited for Toris to make his move. "I dare you to, baby." His lips teased Toris's as he pulled them a millimeter away from his.

Toris didn't need any other convincing than that. He picked Feliks up and kissed him deeply. His lover's legs around his waist gave his libido a slight boost as he kissed Feliks deeply and smiled into the kiss. "Let's take this to the bedroom."

Feliks, red-faced, nodded and grinned. "I agree," he softly said, trying to catch his breath. "I love you, my precious cow."

"Woof," Toris responded, taking Feliks to their bedroom.

.

Toris lay in bed next to Feliks, breathing heavily. "You know, for being named after a dog, you have the energy of one." He smiled over at his lover. "And that makes for a great partner."

"Oh, it does?" Feliks teased. "And what does a cow make for?"

Toris laughed. "I don't know. I guess I'm strong like one?"

Feliks smiled. "I guess that's right. I mean you carried me in here with such ease and we are the same age." He traced small hearts into Toris's chest with his finger as he snuggled up to him. "I love you," he softly said. "You're amazing, Toris. Don't ever believe anyone who tells you otherwise."

"I won't," Toris promised him, smiling. "You're the best lover anyone could ever ask for."

Feliks smiled. "You're so sweet, Toris."

"I am?" he asked, smiling.

There was a knock at the door that made both of them jump. Toris immediately got dressed and ran to the mirror to fix his hair and make himself look decent before going to answer the door.

"Hello?" he asked, answering it. It was Lieutenant Beilschmidt, and he was alone.

"Hello there, Toris Laurinaitis," he said. "I am sorry to disturb you, but may I speak with you alone out here?"

"Sure," he said, stepping out and closing the door behind him. He looked around him and noticed that they were, in fact, alone. That calmed his anxieties slightly, but he realized that he was still alone with a German, and that made him too nervous. "What can I do for you, Lieutenant?"

Lieutenant Beilschmidt looked at him. "You're not Jewish, are you?"

"Of course not," Toris immediately answered, once more feeling that sinking feeling in his heart from betraying his people. He almost reached up and clutched his chest, but that would've given him away. "Jews are an abomination." What the hell was he saying?! Those were his people he was talking about! Why was he saying such terrible things?!

"So you share my views then," Lieutenant Beilschmidt said with a nod. "It's good to see a man so open about his views on things. They are hard to come by." He looked off in the distance as if seeing something that wasn't there. "Things will be getting more difficult soon enough. I came to warn you because you seemed like an honest man. Honest men are hard to come by as well."

Toris nodded. "I thank you for that," he said. "It pleases me to receive a compliment from you. You are very kind."

Lieutenant Beilschmidt shook his head. "I am not a kind man. I am just doing what I think is right." He nodded to Toris. "Have a good day, Toris." With that, he began to descend the steps that led to the street.

"Good day, Lieutenant," Toris called to him before going back inside. He shook his head after closing the door. When were those Germans just going to leave him alone?

.

Feliks sat back and watched Toris pace a little bit, waiting for him to calm down before asking him what was bothering him. His green eyes followed Toris around the room before he finally stopped and sat on the bed, putting his head in his hands. "Toris, what's wrong?" he finally asked.

"I did it again," Toris softly said. "Only I did worse. I said Jews were an abomination. I called my people an abomination!" He started sobbing. "I betrayed my people again! And it was so easy to do it! It was so easy to turn my back on everything I ever knew and loved! Everything I was raised on, I denied and threw away! I called it an abomination!" He began to hyperventilate. "Feliks, who am I?!"

"You are Toris Laurinaitis," Feliks softly told him, moving over to him and rubbing his back. "You are lying like this to save yourself and me. You are a good person, and I love you so much." He kissed Toris's cheek comfortingly. "Toris, you are doing all of this to save us and make sure we'll be okay. You're a good person. You can make it."

Toris shook his head. "Feliks, I'm a terrible person. I'm not worthy of any kind of love. Not yours! Not my family's! Not even God's!"

"That's not true," Feliks said, hugging him close and trying to console him. "Toris, I love you. Please see that you are worthy of so much more than you may think right now."

"Yeah right," Toris sighed after calming down considerably. "I can't help anyone. I can't help myself. I'm going to get found out, just like you."

Feliks shook his head. "No you won't. And if you do, they'll have to take me too. Like I said, before they get you they'll have to get me first. I'd rather they take me than you. There is so much going for you, Toris. I need to make sure that you get the future you deserve."

"I don't deserve a future," Toris sighed. "I betrayed my people twice."

"You deserve everything the world can possibly offer you," Feliks told him. "I hope you know that." He kissed his cheek. "Speaking of bright futures, have you heard from Raivis lately?"

That was when Toris's eyes widened. He hadn't heard from Raivis since the first day the Germans had come.


	9. Chapter 9

Toris ran to the front door as fast as his feet could carry him, Feliks hot on his heels. "Raivis!" he cried out when he got to the door. "I forgot about Raivis!" He began to breathe heavily. "How could I have forgotten about him?! He's my responsibility! I am the worst older cousin in the entire world! I can't believe it! I forgot about him!"

Feliks grabbed his hand. "Toris, think about what you're doing!" he hissed. "You need to calm down or they'll think something is up!" He cupped Toris's face in his hands and studied his panicked expression for a moment. "Now, if we go calmly and together, it will not raise suspicion. Give me a few minutes to get ready."

The Lithuanian boy reluctantly nodded. "Okay," he decided. He took a deep breath to calm himself down. "I just need to calm down anyway."

"That's right," Feliks said, pecking Toris's lips softly. "Now, I'm going to go and change into my dress. Give me a few minutes and I'll be ready to go." He then hurried from the living room.

Toris wandered mindlessly over to an armchair and sat in it, almost missing it and tumbling to the floor. He was all out of sorts and couldn't understand what was going on. All he knew was that he needed to get to Raivis. He had to know that Raivis was okay. Nothing would be okay until he knew that Raivis was safe and sound at Aldona and Lech's house.

Feliks flounced into the room in a fluffy, pink dress a few minutes later, a matching pink ribbon in his hair. His green eyes seemed to sparkle and dance in their beautiful, natural way as he sashayed over to Toris. "Ready to go?" he asked.

"What?" Toris asked, looking up at him. His eyes widened when he saw how absolutely gorgeous Feliks looked. It made him smile. "Yes, I'm ready," he said, blushing.

The Polish boy pulled Toris to his feet, kissing him once he was standing. "Then how about we go?" he suggested, smiling.

"Yeah," Toris nodded. "We need to go and check on Raivis." He grabbed Feliks's hand. "Lock the door on our way out. Or do you want me to?"

"I've got it," Feliks answered, pulling the key from his pink purse that rested in the crook of his elbow. He followed Toris out the door and only took his hand back long enough to lock the door before placing it back in his lover's grasp. "Let's get going, darling," he said, voice high and bright.

Toris smiled. "Cute," he commented.

"Hey, it's your fault I have to talk like this in public," Feliks reminded. He kissed Toris's cheek. "Just remember that, darling."

Toris rolled his eyes and blushed. "Yeah, sure," he muttered, squeezing Feliks's hand. He quickly pecked the other's cheek when he wasn't expecting it and continued the walk. "I'm sorry, okay? You don't have to constantly remind me of all of the stress I have caused you."

Feliks's cheeks were bright red as he looked up at Toris. "It's not that stressful, really," he softly said, keeping his voice high. "I promise. I guess I just tease you about it is all. But if you'd like me to stop, I will."

"You don't have to," Toris said. "I just wish you'd do it a little less. I just feel terrible about it is all. You just have no idea how terrible I feel about all of it…" He closed his eyes and sighed. "Sara, you just have no idea."

Feliks nodded and sighed. "I can only imagine, dear," he softly said. He grabbed Toris's arm and clung to it, smiling. "I love you, Toris Laurinaitis."

Toris kissed the top of his head. "I love you too, Sara," he told him. "You really are amazing for putting up with me like this. I'm so sorry that things are this way for us."

"Stop worrying about it," Feliks scolded, pointing a disappointed finger at Toris. "I'm tired of you putting yourself down like that. It's not fair to you. Things like that are bad for your health."

"Bad for my health?" Toris asked. "Sara, existing in general is bad for my health. You have no idea how hard it is for me in life. I have so many emotions built up inside of me that I feel like I can't control. They keep me awake at night long after you fall asleep…"

"Why is this the first time I am hearing of them?" Feliks asked, squeezing Toris's hand, a worried expression covering his face. "I don't like it when you worry me, darling."

"It's nothing to worry over, Sara," Toris sighed. "Honestly, it's not." He sighed. "It's not your problem anyway. It's mine. It's my thoughts in my own head that keep me awake at night. Everything will be all right. I just have to constantly tell myself that is all."

They finished their walk together in silence, Toris not wanting to speak any further on the subject, and Feliks not wanting to worry any further. The silence wasn't awkward between them, but it was definitely heavy. Feliks felt like he couldn't breathe from the weight of it all. Toris felt as if he were drowning in it.

.

When they finally arrived at Aldona and Lech's house, Toris immediately asked about Raivis. Aldona wrung her hands nervously.

"He almost gave away that he was Jewish," Aldona said. "The Germans are very suspicious of him. They stop by the house a lot and are curious as to why he doesn't speak English very well." She sighed. "But he's safe for now."

Toris breathed a sigh of relief. "Where is he?"

"He's up in his room," Aldona said. "I think you need to go talk to him, Toris. Feliks, how about you stay down here with me for now?"

Feliks nodded and turned to Toris. "Good luck."

Toris nodded and headed up to the room he used to share with Raivis. "Raivis?" he asked, knocking on the door. "Are you in here? It's me, Toris."

The door opened a crack as one of Raivis's blue eyes peeked out. "Is it really you?" he asked softly. "I've been waiting for you to come visit me, Toris. I'm scared to death and I've needed you. I've been so worried that the Germans got you…"

Toris opened the door and went in, closing the door behind him. His waist was immediately encircled by Raivis's arms. He hugged his younger cousin back. "I'm so sorry, Raivis. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm okay, and so is Feliks. I've lied to the Germans to save my hide, though. I'm a terrible person. I've lied about being Jewish and thrown away everything I've ever known to be true just so I could live."

"You too?" Raivis asked, looking up at him with tear-filled eyes. "Toris, are we bad people?"

"No," Toris said after a moment of thinking. "We are just scared people who are looking for a way out." He sighed and looked down at his cousin. "We just want to live, and there is nothing wrong with that."

"But we denied God," Raivis said. "We're going to hell for sure."

"Raivis, there are many things that I am going to hell for," Toris softly said. "So why not add to the list?"

"I don't understand what it is you are saying," Raivis softly told him, burying his face in his chest. "But just having family here makes me feel better. Just stay with me for awhile today. Please, Toris."

"I won't leave your side, Raivis," Toris said. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

"How can you be so sure?" Raivis asked as his tears began to spill out.

"Because I will protect you and keep you safe," Toris told him. "No harm will ever come to you, not while I'm still breathing. Everything is going to be okay."

"I trust you," Raivis told him. "Please keep me safe, Toris."

.

Toris went down into the kitchen once Raivis had fallen asleep. He had begun to worry when Raivis had told him that he hadn't slept in a few days out of fear of the Germans. Though Raivis had agreed to sleep as long as Toris was there, it didn't lessen Toris's worry one bit. It only made him even more nervous.

"Aldona, why didn't you tell me he wasn't sleeping?" Toris softly asked, sitting at the table with her and Feliks.

Aldona looked down. "I had forgotten to mention it."

"That is something you should have mentioned first thing," Toris said. "He's asleep now, but it's only because I'm here. But I have to wake him before I leave."

"I'm sorry for not telling you, Toris," Aldona said. "You just seemed troubled when you showed up. I hate seeing you boys like that, so that was all I could think about."

"I understand," Toris told her. "Please tell me next time."

Aldona nodded. "I will." She looked to Feliks. "Sara was just telling me that she was worried about you as well."

Toris sighed. "There's nothing to be worried about regarding me," he said. "I'm completely fine. Sara is just being absurd."

"Am I?" Feliks asked, narrowing his eyes challengingly. "You want to say that again, Toris?" His gaze turned into a glare. He hoped it would get his silent threats across.

Toris gulped. "No, ma'am," he quickly said.

"That's what I thought." Feliks looked down at his hands, which were daintily folded on the table. He breathed a deep sigh. "I'm sorry to argue with him in front of you, Aldona," he softly said. "I know it's not something you want to see, and I apologize."

"I'm sorry as well," Toris said, looking down at the table. "We will continue it when we get home." His eyes snapped up to Feliks, who glanced up at him for a brief moment and nodded sharply. "For now, we will enjoy our time with you."

"That's very kind of you two," Aldona said with a smile. She rubbed her pregnant belly, which had grown over the summer. "Can you believe I'm going to be a mother soon?"

"It's hard to believe," Feliks said, looking up and smiling at her. "I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother. You took great care of Toris, and I'm sure Raivis would tell us you've taken good care of him as well."

"You're very kind, Sara," Aldona said, grinning. "Your kind words mean a lot. I only hope that I can raise my child as well as your parents raised the two of you."

"You will," Feliks said, "I'm sure of it." He reached across the table and excitedly grabbed Aldona's hands. "Lech is a very lucky man to have such a wonderful and understanding woman such as yourself. You are a real gem, Aldona!"

"You're making me blush, Sara!" Aldona giggled. She lowered her voice as she said, "Sometimes when we talk like this I forget that you're actually a boy."

"Honestly," Feliks softly said, "so do I."

.

That night, when they arrived at home, Feliks whirled on Toris as soon as the door was shut. "You will not disrespect me like that in front of people!" he said, pointing an angry finger at Toris and jabbing it into his chest. "Do you understand me? I may be pretending to be a lady, but I am not an actual female! You may not disrespect me as such like that!"

Toris was suddenly angry as well. "Stop worrying about me like that! I'm not helpless like you seem to think I am! Who cares if I stay up all night worrying about shit?! That's my problem, not yours!"

"I worry about you because I love you!" Feliks shouted at him. Tears of hurt and anger pricked his eyes. "Don't you see that?! I love you so much that I worry about what fucking happens to you, okay?! But if you don't see that, then don't even bother!" He turned to walk away, not wanting Toris to see him cry, but Toris grabbed his arm.

"Feliks," Toris softly said, using his real name for the first time in over a week. "I know you love me. And I know you worry because you love me. But I don't want to bring stress on you because you love me. That's not what I want, okay?"

"Well it's a little too late for that," Feliks said, wiping away the tears as they began to flood out. He refused to turn and face Toris, having never cried like this in front of him before. "I'm already too invested in you to just quit now." The tears began falling faster than he could wipe away. "Goddammit," he muttered.

Toris frowned and pulled Feliks into a hug. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know you only worry because you care. And me yelling doesn't make matters any better. I love you too, Feliks. I need to treat you like the treasure you really are." He kissed the top of Feliks's head. "I don't want to fight with you anymore tonight. Let's just go to bed and have a better day tomorrow."

Feliks began sobbing as he turned toward Toris and buried his face into his lover's chest, clinging to him. He nodded as he cried. "I want that," he said through his tears. "I want a better day tomorrow."

"Am I banished to the guest room tonight?" Toris asked him.

"Not unless you're wanting to share that small bed with me," Feliks softly said as his crying began to subside. "And I don't think you want to do that." He looked up at Toris. "I'm sorry that I'm a mess tonight."

"You're only a mess because I pushed you too far," Toris softly said. "It's my fault." He smiled down at Feliks and wiped his tears away with his thumbs before kissing his eyelids. "I love you, Feliks Łukasiewicz. Please don't ever think for one second that I don't."

"I'll never doubt it again," Feliks said, smiling. He pulled Toris into a hug and kissed his cheek. "You're just kind of amazing. You know that?"

"I do now," Toris told him. He kissed Feliks softly on the lips. "And it's only because you told me that."

Feliks smiled. "Glad to be of assistance." He nodded in the direction of their bedroom. "Come on, let's get to bed, Toris. And let's have a better day tomorrow."

"I agree," Toris said, smiling. He grabbed Feliks's hand. "Let's go to bed."

.

The next few days were stressful, but Toris and Feliks found time to go to Lech and Aldona's so that Raivis would be able to sleep comfortably, knowing that Toris was there to protect him and keep him safe from the Germans.

"This is getting ridiculous," Lech sighed as he sat at the table with Toris, Feliks, and Aldona. "Raivis refuses to sleep unless if Toris is here, and he won't even leave the house anymore. Is he really that scared?"

"With all due respect, sir," Toris began, "Raivis has always been an extremely nervous boy. Ever since he was a small child, he's been afraid of most things. I know he is terrified of the Germans, and he believes that I will keep him safe since I am safe from them."

"Would it be better if we took him for you?" Feliks suggested to Lech and Aldona. "Communication has been cut with all surrounding countries anyway. Perhaps it would be best for Raivis to be with family. He trusts Toris. Though, I know he trusts the two of you as well, perhaps it would be best for him to be with Toris."

"I see where you are coming from, Sara," Aldona softly said, thinking it over. "I think it would benefit all of us in the end. Toris and Raivis could be together again, and you would have someone to help mediate when the two of you argue. Also, Lech and I could prepare for the arrival of our baby in the next couple months." She looked up at her husband. "What do you think, dear?"

Lech thought it over for a moment. "It does not sound like a bad idea to me," he said. "I will only agree to it if you promise to visit at least twice a week to let us know that you are all doing well."

"We will follow your rule, Lech," Toris said, smiling. "After all, haven't we always?"

Lech looked at Feliks's dress that he was wearing that day. "Not always," he softly said.

"He has no choice but to wear that," Aldona softly said. "He'll get killed otherwise." She smiled at Feliks. "Don't mind him, Sara. Lech is just being Lech."

Feliks smiled and nodded. "I understand," he said. "It's quite all right." He looked to Toris. "Why don't you go and tell Raivis the news? Perhaps you could also help him pack?"

"Yeah," Toris said, nodding absently. "Will you be okay down here?"

"I'll be fine," Feliks said, looking at the couple, who seemed to be having an argument with their eyes. "Just go along now."

Toris rushed up to Raivis's room and opened the door. "Raivis, wake up," he said, gently shaking his cousin.

"Are you leaving already?" Raivis asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Not exactly," Toris said, smiling at him. "But when I do, you'll be coming with me. There's a room for you at Feliks's house. We have a guest room just for you."

Raivis's blue eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, what? I'm coming to live with you and Feliks, I mean Sara?" He smiled widely, suddenly wide awake. "I really get to come live with you?"

"Yes," Toris answered, smiling back. "You really get to come live with us in our house. It was Feliks who suggested it actually. He wants you to come live with us. He's worried about you and wants you to be able to sleep comfortably and feel safe. We'll always be together now."

Raivis smiled. "I can't believe it…"

"Can't believe what?" Toris asked.

"I have been praying to come live with you for awhile now," Raivis said, laughing to himself. "And it looks like my prayers have been answered. I may have turned my back on God, but he still didn't turn his back on me…"

"Don't you remember what our parents always taught us?" Toris asked. "God never gives up on anyone. He'll never give up on you either, even if you give up on him." He pulled Raivis into a hug. "Even if we turn our backs on Him, He'll never do that to us. Our God is a God of second chances."

"And I'm thankful for that," Raivis softly said. He sighed. "How do you think our families are doing?" he finally asked after a moment. "Do you think the Germans got them?"

"It's hard telling," Toris said, frowning, though he didn't let Raivis see. "But I know that God is watching over them wherever they are."

"Do you think they're still alive?" Raivis asked.

"What does your heart tell you?" Toris asked.

"My heart says yes," the younger cousin answered after what felt like forever. "I want to believe that they are still alive, even though I never plan on returning home to them. I want to believe that they are all well and still in their rightful home. That is my only wish right now, is that my family is alive and well and at home."

"Then I wish that it's true," Toris said. "The same goes for my family." He thought about his mother and father and Dalia. He hoped that they were all alive and well, still living on the farm like they always have. His mind wandered to the last time he had seen them, waving goodbye to him with tears in their eyes. He said a silent prayer for them all. "I want them to be okay."

"Let's hope that they are," Raivis said. "Let's hope that those scary Germans didn't get them."

"Raivis, why are you thinking about such dark things anyway?" Toris asked.

"Because they plague my thoughts, Toris," the younger one answered. "When you live on a busy street such as this one and you see a family get dragged out of their home by them, that's when you decide that you never want to sleep again."

Toris cursed himself for ever leaving Raivis behind in this house. He wished that Raivis could still have his childhood innocence. He wished that it hadn't been taken away by those blasted Germans. If only he hadn't seen such a terrible sight. It was no wonder Raivis was so terrified. He had seen more than he ever should.


	10. Chapter 10

Toris led Raivis to his bedroom in Feliks's house. "Remember, from now on, Feliks is known as Sara," he told his younger cousin in a hushed tone. He never knew who could be listening in. He hated that he had to lie and bring Raivis into his lies like that.

"But Toris, where do you sleep?" Raivis asked him, confused. He placed his bag on the bed and looked up at his cousin, confused. "If I sleep in this room, does this mean that you sacrificed your bedroom for me? Where will you sleep now that I am here?"

"I will be sleeping with Feliks now," Toris answered. "We have to pretend to be a couple now anyway, so this is how it will be done. It's all right, Raivis. We are both fine with it. You are not a burden at all, because we want you here."

Raivis felt as if he were going to tear up at any moment. "Toris, you are so good to me. You are the best cousin that God could ever give me!" He hugged Toris tightly. "I admire you greatly! I hope you know that!"

"Well now I do," Toris teased, smiling. He hugged Raivis back. "The same could be said about you, Raivis." He smiled. "I'm just so glad that you're with me now. I promise that I will keep you safe from now on. No harm will come to you, not while I'm around."

"Thank you," Raivis said, eyes finally filling with tears. "I feel safe enough to sleep now. Would you mind if I took a nap? I feel as if I haven't slept in years."

Toris nodded, pulling away. "Sleep as long as you would like," he told Raivis. "I will wake you at meal times, okay?"

Raivis nodded. "Thank you, Toris. I appreciate you being so good to me, even when I don't exactly deserve it." He smiled. "It means a lot to me. I know that I do not deserve everything you have done for me."

"We are family, Raivis," Toris told him. "Do not ever mention not deserving anything from me again." He smiled. "You are worth the world to me." He walked over to the doorway. "Have a wonderful nap and good dreams."

"You know what?" Raivis began. "I think I will."

"That's what I like to hear," Toris said before exiting the room and going off to find Feliks.

.

Feliks smiled at Toris as they stood in their room. It was on the complete opposite side of the house from Raivis's. "Well now that we're guaranteed alone time, there is some stuff I have been wanting to talk to you about," he softly told his lover.

"What's that?" Toris asked. He gulped anxiously. Was Feliks angry with him for bringing his cousin back with them? "I hope you're not angry with me."

"Toris, don't be silly," Feliks said. "Why would I be angry with you? I wanted to talk to you about something that is a little bit important to me, and I would think is at least kind of important to you…"

"What would that be?" Toris asked, sitting down on the bed.

Feliks sat on Toris's lap, facing him. He straddled his Lithuanian lover's hips. "We need to talk about how we're going to have sex with him here. I know he won't be leaving the house without us. What I need to know is if he's a light sleeper or not."

The Lithuanian boy's eyes widened. "Sex. Right." He hadn't thought about that until Feliks brought it up. But now that it was mentioned, he knew that he couldn't go too much longer without it. After all, when it was just him and Feliks there, they did it almost every night. "Raivis is a very heavy sleeper. We wouldn't even wake him up if we did it right now."

Feliks's eyes flashed with that mysterious glint that Toris had grown to love during intimate times. "Oh really?" he asked his lover, leaning into him. "So if I were to initiate sex between us right now, he wouldn't wake up?"

"He shouldn't," Toris said, gulping. He knew what was coming. "But you might want to close our bedroom door. He always knocks first before entering a room anyway."

Feliks sashayed over to the door and closed it. "Is that better?" he asked Toris, winking at him. He smiled when Toris nodded. "Now, where were we?" he asked, taking his spot on his lover's lap and kissing him. "I think I remember now."

Just as the kisses were heating up, there was a loud pounding on the door.

"For fuck's sake," Feliks muttered under his breath, pouting. "Get the door, and hurry with whatever those fucking Germans want. I'll be timing you."

Toris sighed and got up. He went to the door and opened it to find Lieutenant Beilschmidt and a few other soldiers who looked like trainees. "Good afternoon, Lieutenant," he greeted in English. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"There is," Lieutenant Beilschmidt answered. "I hate to bother you like this, Toris, but I was wondering if it were true that Raivis Galante lives here with you."

"News travels fast," Toris breathed. "Yes, he's here. You see, he is my cousin, so he is my responsibility."

"I see," Lieutenant Beilschmidt slowly said. "We had our suspicions that he may be Jewish or hiding something from us."

"Hiding something?" Toris asked. "Not at all, sir. Why would you think that?"

"He just shakes all of the damn time," the lieutenant answered. "It makes me suspicious of him."

"No," Toris quickly said. "He just has a disorder which causes him to shake a lot. He has always been extremely nervous. At the moment, he is sleeping in Sara's spare bedroom. She's asleep in our bedroom."

"I see," Lieutenant Beilschmidt said. "I will return when it is more convenient for all of you." He turned back toward the door. "Do not betray my trust, Toris Laurinaitis."

"I would never dream of it, sir," Toris quickly said with a nod. "You have my word."

Lieutenant Beilschmidt nodded to him and then turned to leave, taking his troops with him.

Toris shut the door and then collapsed, knees weak from all of the pressure of his lies to a man who really did trust him. All Toris ever did was lie to that man's face, and it made him sad that he had to do that. Who knew what Lieutenant Beilschmidt was truly risking to believe the lies that Toris told him?

Feliks was impatiently waiting when Toris got back in there, clad only in his boxers. "What got into you?" he asked. "Did Lieutenant What's-His-Name scare you again?"

"You're so lucky that you can't speak directly to them," Toris groaned, sitting on the bed. "It's so stressful. I have no idea how people can honestly live in this kind of setting. It's terrible. Sometimes I just want to give up and have them take me away."

"No you don't," Feliks softly told him, undoing his pants.

Toris sighed, not even caring about what Feliks was doing. "I just don't even know what's going on with my own life anymore. It's like the Germans rule my life. They made me into this liar. Raivis would be horrified if he knew half of the things that I've said to those men."

"Good thing he doesn't have to know," Feliks softly said, reaching into Toris's boxers.

The Lithuanian boy jumped a little from the sudden contact. "What if he finds out somehow? What if Lieutenant Beilschmidt tells him? That would be horrifying!"

"He won't, so stop worrying about it," Feliks said, stroking Toris's length in his hands as he kissed Toris's cheek. "You're safe right here, right now. Focus on the present, and forget the future for a little bit. Focus on me."

Toris then realized what was going on and pulled Feliks in for a passionate kiss. "I love you, Feliks," he softly said. "I love every little detail about you, even the quirks that I pretend annoy me."

"Yeah, I'm sure you're pretending," Feliks sarcastically said between kisses. "But I love you too, Toris."

.

Toris felt refreshed after sleeping with Feliks. He woke from a short nap after feeling quite refreshed and full of energy. He sat up and noticed that Feliks wasn't in bed. Then he smelled an amazing scent that could only be known as Feliks's cooking coming from the kitchen. He quickly dressed and went out to the kitchen.

He was surprised to see Raivis in there talking to Feliks when he walked in. Toris stood back in the hallways and listened in on the conversation for a moment. He wanted to know if the two really did get along and what sorts of things they talked about.

"So he really did all of that to keep us safe?" Raivis asked Feliks. "I never knew that Toris was that quick on his feet. I bet he feels terrible betraying everything he ever knew just to keep the people he cares about safe." He was quiet for a moment. "My beliefs are that our God is a God of second chances. I'm sure that Toris can ask for forgiveness when this is all over, and it will be granted to him. He just needs to do this for a little while longer."

Feliks chuckled. "Toris is so lucky to have an understanding cousin like you, Raivis. He was so worried about you not understanding that he nearly fainted. I told him he should get some rest, so that's why he's resting in our room right now."

Toris smiled. So Feliks was a quick thinker as well. He would definitely have to thank that brilliant man later. That was for sure. He walked into the kitchen. "Good afternoon."

Raivis smiled over at him. "Good afternoon, Toris. Did you have a nice nap?"

"I did," Toris answered. "I was so exhausted from stuff that went on this afternoon that I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer."

"That's what I heard," Raivis answered. He looked at Toris admirably. "I heard how you handle the Germans. Toris, you really are my hero, you know that?"

"I'm not the kind of person you would really want for a hero, kid," Toris replied. "Trust me, you'd be better off with Sara here for a hero."

Feliks scoffed. "And what's that supposed to mean?" he demanded, putting a hand on his hip. He then mentally decided that he was way too good at pretending to be a woman.

"I mean that you're a better hero than me," Toris said. "You're only lying because I'm forcing you to." He frowned, realizing that was the honest truth after he had said it. Feliks really was only lying because he was forcing him to.

"Hey, let's not have another crisis again today, Toris," Feliks said, walking over to him. "One is enough for today." He smiled at Toris and winked. "I think you'll be just fine if you calm down and reassess the situation before you. How about we all just have dinner, like a normal family, okay?"

"Family," Toris said, smiling. "Right. That's what we are now. We are a family of three."

"It's me, you, and Sara now," Raivis said. "We'll make a pretty nice family, don't you think, Toris?"

"I think we'll make a great family," Toris answered with a smile. He chuckled to himself. "Especially since Sara is the only one of us who can actually cook anything decently without poisoning anyone."

Feliks smirked at him. "I don't know how to take that, Toris."

"Take it any way you'd like," Toris offered with a broad smile. He remained grinning at Feliks until he was swatted away with a dish towel. "I'll just go sit at the table."

"Yes, please do," Feliks said. "Get out of my sight." He sighed and turned back to the stove to cook.

Raivis's eyes widened as he laughed. "To think you were speaking so admirably of him just moments before, Sara," he laughed. "And now you act like this toward him."

Toris smiled when he heard his cousin's words. It made him happy to heard Raivis speaking with Feliks so easily. He knew that Raivis had trouble talking to new people, but it appeared to him that Raivis was currently having no trouble at all. That made him quite proud of his younger cousin.

Feliks laughed. "Oh, Toris will live, trust me." He smiled at Raivis. "Are you hungry, kid?"

"What are you making?" Raivis asked him.

"Meatballs?" Feliks proudly answered. "But I'm making them the Polish way! They're a wonderful delicacy here!"

Raivis suddenly looked pale. "I don't think I can eat those," he quietly said. "It may go against my religion."

Feliks remembered how conflicted Toris was at first about them, then he remembered that Toris and Raivis were not the same person. "If you want, I could make a salad to go with them," he offered, trying to appease the young Jewish boy.

"Does Toris eat them?" Raivis asked, looking up at Feliks.

Feeling conflicted on the matter, Feliks finally nodded. "Yes, he does," he finally answered.

"Then I'll eat them, too," Raivis decided. "Anything Toris will eat, I will eat as well!" He puffed out his chest and smiled. "My cousin knows what is best, and I will trust his judgement on anything."

Feliks laughed. "Alright then."

.

That night as the two prepared for bed, Feliks approached Toris and hugged him, snuggling close to his body. "You know, we're going to have to be more careful with our words and actions than I thought."

"What do you mean?" Toris asked curiously. He hugged Feliks back, feeling confused. "What's going on?"

"Your cousin looks to you as if you're a god," Feliks told him. "He looks up to you more than I've ever seen someone look up to another person." His eyes lit up. "One day, I would love for someone to look at me with that much admiration in their eyes. Toris, it's truly beautiful. That kid adores you. He's always watching you when you two are in a room together. You need to remain a good role model for him."

"I try to," Toris told him, smiling. "He's a good kid. This is really my first time seeing him since he was really young, so of course he'll look up to me for now. We're four years apart in age. But he's seen far more than a boy his age should have ever seen at this point…"

"What do you mean?" Feliks asked him.

"He saw a family dragged out of their home and taken away by the Germans," Toris answered. "That's why he won't sleep unless if I'm around to keep him safe. Even though they didn't do anything directly to him, those Germans did some serious damage to my poor, little cousin."

Feliks sighed. "Oh, what a world we live in."

"It's not that bad of a world since you're here," Toris told him, smiling.

The Polish boy grinned up at him. "What kind of a thing is that to say to me?" he asked, winking. "Is that a sort of thing to make me fall more in love with you?"

"I don't know," Toris said. "It depends on one thing."

"And what's that?" Feliks asked him.

"Did it work?" Toris grinned at him.

"I'll let you figure that out on your own," Feliks answered as he pulled Toris down to his level and kissed him softly and then more roughly as the kiss went on. His senses were overrun by the driving force that overwhelmed him with the taste and feel of Toris. He wanted more and more, hands running over Toris's body until he felt like he couldn't stand it anymore. "I know we already did it earlier, but I need you to take your clothes off, Toris. I can't take it anymore. I want you, and I want you now."

Toris winked at him. "So it did work?"

"Shut up."

.

Toris smiled at Feliks the next day as they sat on the couch together and read from the same book. Raivis was in his room, napping, as per usual. The poor Latvian boy had a lot of sleep to catch up on after going so long without it.

Feliks smiled back at Toris. "You know, I feel as if things are actually going to get better for us," he softly said. "Maybe within the next few months, I can even stop this false show of being a woman as well."

"Perhaps," Toris answered with a shrug. He smiled and kissed Feliks's nose. "Though your dresses look wonderful on you."

"As if I'd stop wearing them," Feliks scoffed. "It's just that talking this high makes my vocal chords hurt sometimes. I'm afraid I'll get laryngitis or something."

"You'll be fine," Toris answered with a chuckle.

"Says the man who doesn't have to constantly strain his voice," Feliks grumbled. "You have no idea how hard it is all the time."

"I can only imagine," the other softly said, snuggling his lover closer. "You're very brave for what you do, and I admire that."

"Well when you put it that way, how can I really complain about it then?" Feliks asked. "I'm brave. I know how brave I am. You don't have to tell me twice." He folded his arms over his chest and smiled as Toris kissed his cheek. "That's right. All those kisses are mine."

Toris laughed. "Yes, Sara, they're all yours."

Feliks smiled and turned to look at Toris. "They had better be, because you're mine and mine alone. Promise me that."

"I promise," Toris answered. "I promise that I am yours, and yours alone. May I never belong to another as long as you are living."

Feliks smiled. "There we go. I am now assured that you are mine forever."

The two were just about to share another happy kiss between them when their happy moment was interrupted by another loud pounding on the door. The Germans had once-again returned.


	11. Chapter 11

Toris got up and hurried to the door. He was concerned about what the Germans would want, but he knew from the knock that it was them. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest, so he had to take a moment to collect himself. When he was completely calm, he opened the door.

Lieutenant Beilschmidt stood there. "Good afternoon, Toris," he said, nodding to him. "I understand that you have a new living arrangement. I hear there is a Raivis Galante living here now?"

The Lithuanian froze for a moment. How had they found out about Raivis so quickly? "Yes," he softly said. "My cousin has started living with us. He is asleep right now. Is there a problem, Lieutenant?"

"No problems at the moment," Lieutenant Beilschmidt stated. "But from now on, we request that you report all living arrangement changes to our office in city hall."

Toris nodded. "We can do that," he told him. "I apologize for not reporting it, sir. He has been so tired, and I think he is unwell at the moment."

"Well I hope his health improves," Lieutenant Beilschmidt said, smiling a half-smile. "I bid you a good day, Toris Laurinaitis. I will report the changes for you."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Toris gratefully said. "I appreciate you stopping by to let me know. Please have a nice day." He then closed the door. His mind began to spin. Was he suddenly friends with the people who were supposed to be his enemies?

.

Feliks sighed as he watched Toris pace in their bedroom once more. "Toris, honey, you do this every time you talk to them," he softly said. "What is it this time?"

"Am I becoming friends with them?" Toris asked, troubled. He wrung his hands as he turned to face Feliks. "Sara, this is insane! Am I really being friendly with those bastards?!" His nerves were on edge. What was he doing, being all friendly with Lieutenant Beilschmidt, the enemy of the Jews?!

"And if you are?" Feliks asked, perching himself on the end of the bed and smoothing out his skirts with his hands. He then folded his hands in his lap and just sat there, watching Toris. Part of him hated seeing him so distressed, yet at the same time he thought Toris was just overreacting. "Toris, darling, you really need to calm down. Always remember that this, too, shall pass. It may not be simple and fun, but it will. And when it does, everything will be so much better for you, I promise. It's like that God you've spoken of before. Do you really think He would hang you out to dry?"

"After I've denied him like I have, I believe that He would," Toris answered bitterly, turning to face Feliks. "And what would you know about God anyway?!"

Feliks flinched, startled. "I don't know anything but what you've told me about God on the few occasions that we've talked about Him," he finally answered. "But I believe that a God who would love His people enough to send His own child to die for them would forgive a man for saying something he didn't mean!" He stood and got toe-to-toe with Toris. "And don't talk down to me like I'm lesser than you! Don't you dare think for one moment that I am below you! Just because I have to dress and act and sound like a woman doesn't mean that I actually am!" Before he could stop himself, his hand flew out and struck Toris's cheek as tears filled his eyes. "I'm a fucking man, Toris!" He ran off toward the stairs to the roof and slammed the door to the roof after him.

Toris stood there, stunned. He didn't even feel the slap, but he felt Feliks's words like a stab to the heart. His legs wanted to take off after Feliks, but his body wouldn't let him. All he wanted to do was to tell Feliks he was sorry and hold him and kiss him and beg for forgiveness. He just didn't know how to do that when Feliks was so upset with him.

"Fuck!" Toris yelled, slamming his hands down on Feliks's vanity, which let out a groan from having his weight put on it. Tears of frustration burned his eyes. Why did he have to get so angry like that? Why couldn't he control his temper?

.

Feliks sat on the roof, hugging his knees to his chest. The wind blew his long, blond hair every whichway, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be alone, or at least wanted Toris to apologize, whichever would take the pain away first. His heart was aching for Toris, but his mind was telling his heart to shut up.

There was nothing he wanted to do more than to just run back to Toris and kiss him and tell him he was sorry for hitting him, but the actual truth was...He wasn't sorry for hitting him. In his opinion, he thought Toris needed to be slapped to show that his arrogance was starting to get in the way of their relationship. He needed to be reminded that Feliks was also a boy. Toris needed to remember that Feliks was no less of a person.

The Polish boy let out a deep sigh and buried his face in his knees. He couldn't stop his tears from trailing down his cheeks. All he wanted was for his boyfriend to say sorry and acknowledge that Feliks was just as much a man as he was. That was all he wanted to hear.

Feliks's mind began to wander. Did Toris really think of him as less of a person? Was that why he dubbed Feliks a woman? Was that why Feliks became Sara to Toris? The only time Toris ever said Feliks's real name was when they were having sex at night, and it was whispered quietly when no one else could hear. Just one more time, Feliks wanted to openly be called by his real name again by the man he loved. Just one more time was all he wanted.

He quickly turned his head as Toris walked through the door and up onto the room. His heart began pounding in his chest. What was Toris doing up here so soon? Had he already seen the error of his ways? Did he already want to come and apologize?

"Can we talk?" Toris asked, sitting next to Feliks. He said nothing more than that, waiting for a response. His lips were tightly shut as far as Feliks could tell from where he sat. Toris was very serious when it came to things like this.

"What would you like to discuss?" Feliks asked him, refusing to look at him. He stared at the rooftop instead. His eyes threatened to flood over with tears once more if he looked at Toris.

"You were right to hit me," Toris told him. "I was wrong for speaking to you the way that I did. You are every bit as much of a man as I am, Feliks."

Feliks felt his heart stutter in his chest. He didn't even have to ask for Toris to say his true name, he had done it on his own. His cheeks turned a bright shade of red as he glanced over at Toris, who was focused on the sunset before them.

"I was wrong to take out my frustration on you, Feliks," Toris said. "And I'm sorry. You are not truly Sara. You are really Feliks, and sometimes I feel as if I forget that, and I'm sorry."

Feliks was truly touched. He was at a loss for words, so instead he turned to Toris and softly kissed him. "I love you," he softly told him, pulling away. "Toris, you mean the world to me. It just hurts sometimes when you talk down to me. Please try to always remember that I am a man, just like you are."

"I will," Toris said with a nod. "And if I ever forget again, make sure to hit me."

"Oh, I will," Feliks laughed. His gaze followed Toris's to the beautiful sunset as he leaned his head on Toris's shoulder. "But for now, let's enjoy this beautiful sunset before us. After all, no two sunsets are the same."

Toris had to admit that he had never seen a sunset more beautiful, but whether it was because he was watching it with Feliks or because of nature he would never truly know.

.

That night as they prepared for bed, Feliks smiled at Toris and crawled over him with a smile. "I love you," he softly told him. "I want us to always be together."

"We always will," Toris told him. "What makes you think we won't?" He smiled at Feliks and tucked his blond hair behind his ear. "Are you being doubtful, my love?"

Feliks sat down and straddled Toris's hips. "It's not that I'm being doubtful, but what if we were to fight more like we did today, but we never made up?"

"Let me tell you something," Toris told him. "My parents fought all the time when I was younger, but I knew they loved each other. Just like I love you." He sat up and pecked Feliks's lips. "The thing is, not all relationships are perfect. You have to fight sometimes or it's not a healthy relationship."

"I suppose you're right," Feliks answered timidly. "But it hurts to fight, Toris." He frowned. "I hate fighting with you. You have no idea how much it bothered me."

"It bothered me too," Toris answered. "I just guess that I need to start minding myself and the things that I say. I know that you'll probably get mad at me and that I'll probably get mad at you at times, but you know what? That stuff will happen. But it means that we love each other. I love you, Feliks Łukasiewicz. I doubt I'll ever stop loving you either."

Feliks teared up a little. That was the second time Toris had openly called him by his real name that day. "I know I'll never stop loving you,Toris Laurinaitis." He leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend with all the love he had inside of him.

Toris kissed Feliks back with just as much passion and love. He was so in love that he couldn't take it. He couldn't take how wonderful and forgiving Feliks was. Feliks was too good for him, and he knew that. Yet Feliks had chosen him, and he was thankful for that. He would make sure to never take that for granted again.

.

March 1942, Warsaw, Poland

The morning started off like any other morning. Toris went to wake up Raivis while Feliks prepared breakfast. They all gathered at the table to eat, and things went well. There were no problems between them as they all ate, because they had all been living together for nearly three years. Things seemed perfect for them.

There was suddenly a pounding on the door that they hadn't heard in over a year. It only meant one thing. The Germans were there. Toris was the one who still dealt with them, even though Raivis and Feliks had both become fluent in English by that point.

Toris got up from the table. "I'm going to go see what they want," he said.

Feliks jumped up. "How about you let me get it?" he suggested. "They shouldn't be too hard to deal with, right? I mean, Toris deals with them all the time." He walked to the front room to answer the door.

There was the sound of Feliks opening the door and then tense conversation. It was so bad that the tension could be felt from the kitchen. Toris and Raivis both held their breaths for fear of their worst nightmares coming true.

"This isn't good!" Feliks shouted from the front room, forgetting to pitch his voice. "Toris, they figured all of us out! They know!"

"How much do they know?" Raivis asked Toris, an edge of fear in his voice.

Before Toris could answer, Lieutenant Beilschmidt entered the kitchen with Feliks, accompanied by a young-looking soldier with auburn hair and two other soldiers with blond hair and blue eyes. He gritted his teeth and glared at Toris.

"Don't think the three of you will escape," he snarled at Toris. "We figured all of you out, you disgusting Jew." He then turned to Feliks. "And you. You're the worst of them, pretending to be a woman for two years…"

Toris gulped. It was all of his nightmares come to life. He was going to die right then and there, or he was going to get captured and die. He closed his eyes and began to pray for the first time in a long time. He prayed to the God that he thought would never provide for him again, begging for an escape that would allow at least Raivis to live.

"The back door, Toris! Run! Take Raivis and go!" Feliks yelled. "Go!" The soldiers grabbed him by his arms and began bending them in ways that they shouldn't be bent. "Toris, run! Take Raivis and run! Don't worry about me!" There was a loud crack as one of his arms snapped and Feliks cried out in pain. "Run, Toris!"

Raivis looked as if he were going to vomit as Feliks was dragged from the room and toward the front door. His gaze was fixed on the man with the auburn hair, who looked as if he were going to vomit as well.

"Major Vargas, we need to get the two Jews," Lieutenant Beilschmidt commanded. "You get the smaller one. Laurinaitis is mine," he growled.

Toris gulped and turned toward Raivis. He grabbed his younger cousin's arm and dragged him through the house toward the back door. "Raivis, run like you life depends on it, because it really does right now!" Toris shouted at him in Lithuanian. "We can't let those men catch us, okay?!" He threw open the back door. "Just run with me, and we'll be okay!"

The two ran down the street, forgetting everything except getting out of there. And luckily, they found the American military coming through, armed and prepared to fight if any Germans came near them on their way. Toris quickly explained their situation to one of their young captains. Williams was his name, and he quickly found a way to help them and smuggle them to Russia.

Sure, Russia wasn't the first choice of a place for Toris to go, but he couldn't exactly stay in Poland. Lieutenant Beilschmidt would find him and end him for sure, so Toris and Raivis put on American military uniforms and climbed into their truck to head to Russia with them.

And as they journeyed, Toris just sat there and prayed silently to God. He apologized for ever denying him and begged for forgiveness for the first half of his first night. For the other half of the night, he prayed and prayed for Feliks's safety. All he wanted was for Feliks to be safe and not to die. He just wanted Feliks to return to him.

.

During one of the stops, Captain Williams pulled Toris aside. He had a kind look in his blue eyes. "Last night you told me about a man named Feliks," he began. "He was taken away by the Germans, you said."

Toris felt a painful stab in his heart like a fresh wound. "Yeah," he choked out. The scene from the day before played over in his head like a vivid nightmare that he couldn't wake up from.

"I'm sorry to hear that it happened," Captain Williams told him, frowning. His eyes remained kind and comforting, though. "Our military is trying our best to save those who have been captured by those bastards. I hope that we can save your Feliks."

Toris hadn't expected such kindness from a stranger. He smiled with gratitude. "Thank you, Captain Williams," he said, nodding to him. "I appreciate your kind words."

Matthew smiled a half smile. "I understand how hard it is to have to be strong for a younger member of your family, Toris," he softly said. "I have a younger brother that I always felt I had to be strong for. I feel as if I can relate at least a little bit."

"How old are you, Captain Williams?" Toris curiously asked him.

"I'm nineteen years old," he answered.

"You're the same age as me!" Toris answered, shocked. His jaw dropped slightly. He couldn't believe that someone like Captain Williams could be the same age as him yet be so mature like that. It made Toris admire him even more than he did before.

"Really?" Captain Williams asked. "I would have figured you were older than me. You are much taller, that's for sure. Both you and my brother are taller." He smiled to himself. "Oh well. It's to be expected, I guess."

"Expected?" Toris asked.

"I was blessed with a higher rank than my brother, so I guess he gets the height," Captain Williams joked with a shrug.

"You speak of your brother a lot," Toris observed. "Is he here, Captain Williams?"

The captain sadly shook his head. "No, he's in England. Alfred doesn't cooperate well with many people, so it's best that he stays behind until they find a unit leader who will make him cooperate." He sighed. "I miss him a lot already, though. We're very close."

"I can tell," Toris said with a smile. "You two must be close like Raivis and me."

"You and Raivis seem like brothers," Captain Williams observed.

"I think of him as one," the Lithuanian boy said, "but he's just my cousin. But sometimes I feel as if we're closer."

"He's still your blood either way," Captain Williams told him. "And that's pretty damn important, Toris. Just remember that much."

Toris nodded. "I will. Thank you, Captain Williams."

"Just call me Matt," he said, smiling. "You're not one of my men, so casual names are okay."

"Okay, Matt," Toris said with a small smile. "Thanks."

.

Toris couldn't sleep in the moving military car, but Raivis slept soundly on Toris's shouder as the car jostled them around on the bumpy road. He didn't mind being awake as long as Raivis was able to sleep. He could only hope that Raivis wasn't having nightmares of what had happened to Feliks just over a day before…

The Lithuanian boy watched as Raivis's facial features seemed distressed for a moment in his sleep but then seemed to relax soon after. It worried him as he wondered what his younger cousin was dreaming about. He could only hope that it wasn't about Feliks or those wicked Germans. After all, no one would want to dream of the things they had witnessed those awful Germans doing to people like them for the past three years. They were the kinds of things people only saw in their worst nightmares.

"Worried about him?" Matt asked Toris, nudging him slightly.

"Yeah," Toris sighed. "Raivis doesn't sleep well anyway, so after what happened to Feliks, I can only imagine the kind of shit he'd be dreaming about..." He sighed and frowned, looking down at Raivis's face. "If only I could have protected him from the evil in this world."

"No one can be protected from all evil," Matt softly said. "But I can understand what you mean. We all have to experience it at some point in our lives or we can never truly say that we lived, you know?"

"I guess you're right," Toris sighed. "I just wish that Raivis didn't have to experience such graphic evil. He's so nervous all the time anyway. Before we even came to Poland, he would always tremble, and I'm almost certain he'll start trembling like that again in Russia. It's just so sad that he was almost cured of it just to be struck again…"

"Yeah, that is rather sad," Matt agreed with a nod. "But he'll come out of this stronger, I know he will. Things will turn out better for him in the long run. You just have to believe that part of it."

"I just hope you're right, Matt," Toris sighed. "If not, he's fucked…"

.

Toris couldn't wait to get to the base when they got to Russia, but he was starving as well. He decided to join everyone for lunch first at a nice restaurant, and as he was going in, he noticed a waitress that didn't catch the eye of every man like her coworker did.

The waitress that Toris noticed was flat-chested, unlike her busty coworker, with long, blonde hair and a completely serious expression. Her eyes were blue and she seemed to have dull shine to them, but he thought they were beautiful.

His mind immediately went to Feliks and he cursed himself for thinking she was beautiful. How could he be so insensitive when Feliks had sacrificed himself so bravely for Toris and Raivis only days ago? Toris could barely stand how he had noticed her almost immediately upon walking in. He wanted to slap himself the way Feliks used to slap him whenever he got out of line. It made him sick to think that he even thought this waitress was beautiful.

"Toris, your order?" Matt asked, raising an eyebrow to Toris.

The Lithuanian quickly ordered and then went back to getting lost in his own thoughts, yet his gaze remained on that waitress. They had to be about roughly the same age. Or at least somewhere around there. She looked younger than her coworker, that was for sure.

When it was time to leave, Toris pulled their waitress aside and asked for the other waitress's name.

"Oh, her?" his waitress asked with a smile. "Her name is Natalia Arlovskaya. Not many men ask about her, so I'm sure you are quite the special man, sir. Please come again soon."

Toris didn't know how to take her answer, so he quickly went to join the other men he had gone there with. He did like her name, though. Natalia Arlovskaya, a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.


	12. Chapter 12

Toris sat on a military bunk that night and sighed. What was going on in his head? How could his mind have betrayed Feliks so quickly like that? And for a waitress? He had to get his head around everything that was going on. Why had he been thinking about her all day long? It was strange to him, to have been so in love with Feliks just days before to suddenly being over this love after seeing this girl here in Russia! He wanted to stab his eyes out and go blind before seeing her again! How could he betray Feliks like that? After all Feliks had done for him…

"Toris?" Raivis asked, frowning. "Are you okay? You look sick? Are you thinking of him?"

Just the way Raivis had said that made Toris feel guilty. He wished he was thinking of Feliks, but he wasn't. His mind was still on Natalia, that stupid waitress that he had seen that day. His insides felt as if they had been replaced with ice.

"Things will get better, Toris," Raivis encouraged, placing a hand on his cousin's shoulder. "As they say, 'This too shall pass'."

"Not this time, Raivis," Toris softly said as tears of betrayal stung his eyes. "It won't pass. He's dead. I'm certain of it…"

"You mean like how they killed the Jewish families?" Raivis asked, the situation with Feliks suddenly becoming more real to him. "They killed Feliks?"

Toris nodded, unable to speak. Feliks had sacrificed it all for him, just so he could live and make it out of there alive. And here he was, mind occupied with thoughts of another just days later. He was so ashamed of himself that he could barely think straight. How could his mind betray Feliks like that? It wasn't fair to his memory!

"I can't believe it," Raivis softly said, seating himself next to Toris. He had no words to say. How could he say anything to someone who had lost so much? "I'm so sorry for your loss, Toris. I know how much Feliks meant to you."

"Yeah," Toris gasped out, realization flooding over him. He was never going to see his beloved Feliks ever again. It wasn't fair! His eyes brimmed over with tears as he grabbed a pillow and held it close, shaking with sobs. "It's not fair…" he whispered. "It's not fair, Raivis. Why couldn't it have been me?"

"I wouldn't have wanted it to be you," Raivis answered softly. "Toris, you promised you would never leave me again." He looked down at his hands, which were folded firmly in his lap. "It would hurt too much...Not that it doesn't hurt enough now, of course…"

"Yeah," Toris said, voice choked. His pillow was drenched. "Feliks is dead, and it's all my fault!"

"It's not your fault, Toris," Raivis said. "You didn't know that was going to happen to him. Neither of us did…" He tried to comfort his distressed cousin, but this was a pain he knew he would never be able to take away. This was a pain that caused even Raivis's heart to cry out in agony. It was so unfair that Feliks had that fate. "What we can do now is remember everything good we did together."

Toris shook his head. "It's not the same! Oh, my God! I killed Feliks!"

Raivis's eyes went wide in panic. "Don't say that, Toris! You had nothing to do with it!" He hugged his cousin tightly. "Feliks's death wasn't your fault! Please don't blame yourself for it! It would mean that he died for nothing!"

The Lithuanian man didn't hear him, though. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts of betrayal to Feliks's memory. How could he have been so selfish? Feliks was dead now, and his mind wanted him to just move on. Just like that? It wasn't fair to Feliks! He felt troubled and wanted everything to just stop. He wanted to go back to Feliks's house in Poland with Feliks and Raivis, but he knew Feliks would never return there. Feliks would never return to him. Never.

"Toris…" Raivis softly said, frowning. His eyes began to water as well. He hated seeing Toris like this. Toris was his rock! If anyone was strong enough to make it through this, it was Toris! But now as he saw Toris falling apart, he was wondering how strong he could really be for him. It was terrifying for Raivis to see Toris in this state. He had no idea what to do!

"I'm sorry," Toris sobbed, leaning his head on Raivis's shouder. "I'm sorry that you had to see what they did to him! I hope one day you'll forgive me!"

Raivis's eyes filled with tears. "What are you saying, Toris? Of course I'll forgive you. It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault."

"I should have never said he was a woman, Raivis! I never should have lied to the Germans!" He clung to his younger cousin as he sobbed. "He's dead because of me! It's as bad as if I had killed him myself, Raivis!"

"No," Raivis softly said, rubbing Toris's back as his own tears finally spilled over. "You didn't kill him. You saved him for as long as you could. I know the truth, Toris. You didn't kill Feliks. And I don't think that Feliks would see it that way if he were here with us right now."

"Y-You r-really think s-so?" Toris stammered, trying to keep himself composed. "H-H-He wouldn't hate me?"

"I don't think he would," Raivis said. "I know you loved him, Toris. And I know in what way you loved him." He took a deep breath. "I also know that he loved you back. He told me that so many times. That was why he sacrificed himself for us, so that you will have a chance."

Toris nodded and managed to stop crying. "He was a great man."

"And he should be remembered as such," Raivis told him, wiping his tears away with his sleeve. "He wouldn't blame you for his death. He would have considered it an honor to die for someone whom he loved so much."

"You really think so?" Toris asked, sniffling as he struggled to compose himself.

"I know so," Raivis answered. "Feliks loved you, Toris. Don't ever forget that. But also, don't forget that it's okay to love again. In due time, it's okay."

Toris closed his eyes and nodded, exhausted from crying. "What would I do without you, Raivis?" he softly asked. "I guess there are times where I'm not strong all the time. I apologize."

"It only means that it's my turn to be the strong one," Raivis simply told him. "And I don't mind that."

"Thanks," Toris softly said. "Hopefully tomorrow I'll be better."

"I won't expect you to, Toris. Things like this take time," the younger cousin sympathized. "Lean on me when you need to, okay? I don't mind being here for you. It's my turn to carry the burdens."

At that, Toris began sobbing once more, but whether it was from guilt or relief he didn't know.

.

Raivis woke the next morning in Toris's bunk with him. He could hear the comments coming from the surrounding soldiers, but he tried to ignore them. All he could do was hope that Toris coudn't hear as well.

"What do you think they saw the Krauts do?" one soldier asked another. "It must've been awful to make the other one cry all night like that. I feel bad for them."

Raivis struggled to block them out. No one had to know exactly what they saw the past few years in Poland. It wasn't their business at all, especially what happened to Feliks. And he didn't want Toris to have to put up with that kind of talk, especially while the Feliks wound was still so fresh. If anything, he wanted to protect Toris the way Toris had protected him for the past couple years. He felt it was his duty, the very least he could do.

Toris began to stir in his sleep. "Raivis?" he softly asked, opening his blue eyes to see his younger cousin. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine," Raivis softly assured. "Go back to sleep, Toris. You need it. You don't look well."

"I don't exactly feel well either," Toris admitted before coughing. "All of the crying has exhausted my body, Raivis."

"Then sleep," Raivis encouraged. "You won't do anyone any good if you're sick."

Toris sighed. "I suppose you're right." His eyelids fluttered shut. "Hey, Raivis, thanks for taking care of me like this. You are the best."

Raivis smiled. "You're welcome, Toris. Now go back to sleep." He put a hand to his cousin's forehead, feeling a sight fever. "You need to feel better soon."

"Right," Toris answered. "I need to feel better."

"That's right, Toris," he softly said. Raivis bit his lip. Why did everything have to be so hard? Why couldn't the Germans have just let them live in peace? Why was everything so backwards and terrifying? Yet as Raivis pondered each of those questions, he began to fear the answers more and more.

For the first time in over a year, Raivis bowed his head in prayer.

.

A couple days later, Toris seemed back to his usual self. He was talking normally with everyone, and there was no sign that he had cried or even gotten sick days before due to grief. He seemed completely normal, except a little lonely.

"Toris, are you all right?" Raivis asked him that afternoon. "You seem lonely, but normal."

"Lonely," Toris mused. "I guess I am a bit lonely without my Feliks, aren't I?" He frowned. "I miss him a lot."

"I know you do," Raivis softly said, nodding. "Things like this will take time. But I'll be here for you." He placed a hand on Toris's shoulder, only then realizing how tall he had gotten since they went to Poland together. "I'm not going to leave until I know you'll be okay."

Toris smiled to himself. "Of course," he said. "I did tell you that you could leave once you were old enough. And you're just about there." He sighed. "I'll miss you, Rai."

"I'll miss you too, Toris," Raivis said with a smile. "But it's a good thing that we don't have to worry about that now." He wanted to stay by Toris's side until it all blew over. "I'll be here for you until you don't need me anymore."

"I'll always need you, Raivis, but I know what you mean," Toris said. "You're the greatest cousin I could ever ask for. I will miss you when you leave."

"How are you so certain that I'll leave?" Raivis asked him.

"Because we're so alike," Toris answered. "You'll leave. I know you will. But only once my heart is ready for you to go."

Raivis nodded. "You know me well."

"After nearly three years with you, I would hope that I do," Toris said with a chuckle. "Now come on, let's go to that restaurant we went to on our first day here. I heard Matt and the others were going. If we hurry, we can go with them."

"I'd like that," Raivis said. "I bet I can beat you to them."

"You're on," Toris said, grinning.

.

Natalia was working at the restaurant again when they go there. Her long, blonde hair hung down her back and her blue eyes pierced into any man who called upon her. It was then that Toris knew he would never stand a chance. She was too far out of his league. And thus Toris knew to give up on her.

"I'm Natalia, and I'm your waitress today," she said, walking over to Toris's table. "What can I help you with?"

"You can start by getting Irunya for us," a soldier said.

Toris saw a look of hurt cross Natalia's face, but she tried to hide it. "I think Natalia's fine," he simply stated in her defense. "Why does it matter if we have Irunya or Natalia?"

"Irunya's better to look at," the soldier muttered to Toris.

"Not to me," Toris answered. "I think Natalia is lovely."

Matt silenced them as he said, "Forgive my men, Natalia," to her. "They are very rude, and will be punished when we return to our base. I think you are a wonderful waitress." He glared at the soldier who had asked for Irunya. "Apologize to her."

"Sorry," the soldier said, not even looking in her direction. Toris could tell that he didn't really mean it at all. It made him want to punch the soldier for his rudeness. Even if Natalia wasn't his type, there was no reason to be rude to her.

Toris was still angry with the man, but he kept it to himself. There was no use getting angry for her sake if she wouldn't appreciate it. He wanted to get revenge on the man, but knew better than to. After all, he knew he was below her anyway. Living in Poland for almost three years taught him that Jews were below everyone.

Natalia looked to Toris. "What would you like to drink?" she asked him, accent thick. She smiled softly to him, maybe to be kind. What if she had heard him?

Toris felt the heat rising to his cheeks. "Water," he softly said. "I'll take a water, please." He quickly hid his face in his menu, trying to pass it off as him seeming hungry. But he wondered how many times he could pass that off before they all found out.

.

Toris went for a walk after lunch with Matt. He was glad to be out in the open again, instead of cooped up in the barracks while sick. It felt good to get a breeze, even if it was a bit chilly. He took a deep breath of the air and felt himself relaxing.

"I don't understand why my men are so rude to Natalia and Irunya," Matt pondered aloud. "What makes them different from American women? They're women, just the same, and should be treated with respect and kindness."

"I agree with you, Matt," Toris said with a nod. "I didn't like the way the soldiers treated Natalia today. She can't help the way she is. It's not fair for them to ask for Irunya."

"That's very true," Matt agreed. "I don't think they realize how fragile a maiden's heart really is. Natalia must have been truly hurt by them, just like how Irunya was hurt by them a few days ago with their ignorant comments. I will not have my men known for harassing the women of Russia. That was not my plan."

Toris noddd glumly. "I'm glad that the captain shares my views on the subject," he said. "Or else this would probably be one awkward conversation."

"Women are to be respected," Matt stated. "They are not here for our entertainment or enjoyment. They are here to be them as well. It is not fair to them that we live in a man's world." He was quiet for a moment. "Before she died, my mother was very big on teaching me how to respect and treat a woman. She wanted to make sure that she raised a gentleman, not some monster who will disrespect someone like her."

"Your mother was a good woman," Toris said. "I have a younger sister, so I treat women the way I would want a man to treat Dalia."

It had been so long since he had spoken of Dalia that he suddenly felt sad. His poor sister was most likely dead like Feliks as well. In fact, his whole family probably was. Raivis's too. It wasn't fair that innocent people had to die in that stupid war.

"You spoke louder than you intended to today, Toris," Matt softly said. "I know Natalia heard you call her lovely. I knew that she had heard you when I looked at the check and noticed that your meal was free."

Toris blinked his eyes in surprise. "You mean my meal was paid for by her?"

"That's right," Matthew said with a nod. "She must see a form of kindness in you, because I heard she is a very shrewd woman." He sighed. "Maybe she needs a kind person like you to be her friend."

"Maybe," Toris sighed. "I'm just struggling a bit as well after losing my love."

"I know," Matt softly said. "Maybe it would be good for you to make more friends than just me. Try getting a job somewhere."

"Yeah, I think I'll try that," Toris said, looking at all of the shops around. "I can try my hand at something around here. I just know it."

Matt smiled. "That's the spirit, Toris. I know you can do it." He stopped outside of a shop called "Arlovskaya Drug". "Why not try this one?"

Toris looked inside. "I guess I could try it," he said. He opened the door and walked in with Matthew. "But I don't speak Russian. They wouldn't understand me."

"Who wouldn't understand you?" a man with a beard and a gruff voice asked, walking out of an aisle. "This is a drugstore. Many more people speak English than you think. And once you're part of a place for awhile, you pick up on the way they talk." He eyed Toris through his dusty glasses. "Let me guess, you're here to apply for a job, son?"

"That would be correct," Toris timidly said.

"What about you?" the gruff man asked Matt.

Matt quickly shook his head. "No, sir. I am part of the military."

"Good on you," the gruff man said, cracking a small smile to Matt. "Well, what's your name?" he asked, turning to Toris.

"Toris Laurinaitis, sir," Toris answered, struggling to keep his voice from shaking. "I'm looking for a job to help take care of my cousin and I."

"Nice to meet you," the gruff man said. "My name is Boris Arlovskaya. I am the owner of this drugstore. What qualifies you for this job?"

"I have honestly never had a job before, but I can do labor," Toris answered. "I grew up on a farm in Lithuania, and I did most of the tasks there once my father grew older. I am a hard worker and will do anything you ask of me."

"That sounds promising," Boris said. "How about you come by here tomorrow, Toris, and I'll let you try out your first day?"

"That sounds wonderful!" Toris said, grinning. "Thank you so much, Mr. Arlovskaya!"

Boris smiled. "Don't let me regret it."

.

That night, Toris stayed up in bed, thinking about his first day of work the next day. He was excited, but he was also nervous. And the last name Arlovskaya sounded familiar to him, but he just couldn't place where he had heard it before. Surely it had to be somewhere in Russia, but where?

Toris rolled over and looked over at Raivis sleeping in the bunk next to him. He knew they wouldn't always be welcome in the military barracks. He needed this job for them, for a better life. Raivis needed a stable home for the rest of the time he was going to be with Toris.

He sighed as he rolled onto his back. There was so much to think about and what felt like so little time. He had so many plans for his own life, and for Raivis's as well. The only thing that scared him was being left alone here in Russia while Raivis went off on an adventure alone. The thought of no longer being able to care for Raivis made him nervous. What if Raivis got sick or died? He knew he had to trust his younger cousin, but it was so hard when he had already lost so much.

Toris closed his eyes as his heart pounded in his chest. He couldn't worry about Raivis forever. One day, that boy was going to have to go off on his own and have his own experiences. But for the time being, he knew that Raivis was safe with him. And that was all that mattered at that moment.

As he drifted off to sleep, he thought more about the job that he was going to have starting tomorrow. He was anxious and nervous about it. But then another thought entered his head, causing him to remember why that last name was so familiar. It made his stomach cramp up inside of him.

Natalia's last name was Arlovskaya.


	13. Chapter 13

Toris woke up early the next morning and sighed. It was his first day of work. He didn't really know what to do. He was so nervous about going to work, hoping that Natalia didn't have the day off. If she was at the store, it would make it so much harder for him to concentrate on the work he would have to do. His heart was pounding a mile a minute in his chest.

"Are you nervous about your first day of work?" Raivis asked his cousin, raising an eyebrow. "You'll be late if you don't hurry up."

The Lithuanian sighed. "I know, I know." He dressed into some casual attire, hoping that it would work for his job. He hadn't asked what kind of clothing he should wear on his first day, but now that he thought about it, that did seem like an important detail that he forgot. Toris internally cursed himself for it.

"So you're off?" Raivis asked, coking his head to the side in curiosity.

Toris nodded. "Yeah," he confirmed. "I'll be back later. Don't cause the soldiers any grief, okay?"

Raivis laughed and nodded. "Okay." He gestured for toward the door. "Now, I think you should be on your way, Toris. Have a fun first day of work." His grin was wide as he waved goodbye to his cousin.

Toris walked out of the base and down the street toward the drugstore. He smiled as he looked up at the overcast day. At least it wasn't raining just yet. He hoped the rain would hold off until he got back to the base. Walking back in the rain would be awful.

The bell above the door jingled as he walked into the store. He smiled and waved to the customers as he scanned the store for his boss. But it wasn't his boss that he saw first, it was Natalia. She was wearing a work apron!

Natalia looked up at Toris and walked over to him. "So you're the new guy?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips and fixing him with an icy glare. "Toris Laurinaitis?" She cocked her head to the side attentively. "Where the hell are you from?"

"I am from Lithuania," Toris answered, summoning the courage to hold her beautiful gaze evenly. "But I do not see why that would matter."

"It doesn't," she indifferently stated. "I was just asking because your last name sounded different." Her deep blue eyes blinked innocently at him. "That's all, Toris."

Toris nearly melted under her gaze. He had to hold himself together. His job depended on it. But he just couldn't help that Natalia was so beautiful. He felt the heat rising to his cheeks. He really needed to calm down in front of her. "So where's the owner?" Toris asked.

"My father?" Natalia asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, he's at home. He came down with an illness in the middle of the night and left me to train you." She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him. "Does that bother you, Toris?"

He gulped. "Not at all," he quickly said. "You know what you're doing better than I do. So why not learn from you?" Toris smiled nervously. "Please show me the ropes. I would gladly follow your lead. Just show me what to do, and I'll do it."

Natalia smirked. "You show promise. I like it." She turned her back to Toris and looked over her shoulder at him with a smirk. "Try to keep up, Toris."

Toris smiled at her as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail. "Lead the way." He followed after her, grinning. "I'm ready to learn what you can teach me."

"Oh, I'll teach you everything," Natalia assured.

He was thoroughly enjoying the banter between him and Natalia. In all honesty, he wasn't nearly as nervous around her as he thought he would be. His first day of work looked like it was going to run smoother than he thought it would. And that was all he wanted.

.

"Shift's over, Toris," Natalia said as she looked at the sunset outside. "Now it's time to clean up the store for tomorrow." She took off her apron and folded it, placing it on the counter. Natalia walked over to the window and flipped the sign from "Open" to "Closed". "Nice job today, by the way."

"Thanks," Toris said, grinning. "It wasn't nearly as nerve-wracking as I thought it would be." He took off his apron and folded it as well. "You're a good teacher."

"You think so?" Natalia asked, turning to him. "I don't normally work here. It was just my day off at the restaurant, so I came to help since my father was sick. I'm the person who usually does training, whether here or at the restaurant. I'm glad that you find me to be a good trainer."

"You're welcome," Toris said. He got the broom out from behind the counter. "Here, how about I sweep up the store?"

"That would be perfect," Natalia answered. She smiled and got a rag to wipe down the counter. "You were a great help today, by the way. My father would be glad to know that he hired a good employee." Her smile widened. "This is the first time my father has hired someone since we moved here from Belarus. Consider yourself lucky."

"I am honored," Toris answered as he began sweeping. He watched the floor as he swept, making sure that he didn't miss even a speck of dust. His goal was to impress Natalia even more before the day was out, and if he was going to do that, he had to make sure not to miss a spot while cleaning.

"So tell me about yourself," Natalia said as she scrubbed at the countertop. "What brought you here to Russia?"

Toris sucked in his breath. That was the exact question that he had been dreading. "Well, I was staying in Poland for awhile before the Germans came and started taking people." He saw Natalia's hand tighten on the rag. "You see, I'm Jewish, so I was at a high risk. When the Germans stormed the house I was staying in, I took my younger cousin Raivis and ran. That's when we ran into Matt, I mean Captain Williams. He saved us and brought us here with him." Toris gulped. "If it wasn't for the American military, I would be dead right now."

"So you're Jewish?" Natalia asked, peering up at him. She hummed in thought. "My mother is Jewish. Those Germans are terrible people. I'm terribly sorry to hear about the circumstances that brought you here." Though her words were kind, yet her gaze was like ice. It was almost as if she weren't used to talking to people often, especially in a comforting way.

"I never would have guessed," Toris said, sweeping slightly faster. He didn't like how the atmosphere changed and really hoped he didn't trigger anything by stating that he was Jewish so openly. "Poland was nice while I was there, though. I stayed with my friend, and he was a wonderful host."

Painful images of Feliks filled his mind and nearly consumed him. Feliks's smile, his laugh, his tears, everything. It was almost like a nightmare as he remembered his lost lover. His heart felt as if it were going to burst under the pressure put on it. He missed Feliks so much. He felt empty without him. A dull ache was set in his chest. He wished he didn't have to feel this way. Why was the world such a cruel and painful place? Toris just didn't understand it. He hoped he would never have to either.

"Toris, are you all right?" Natalia asked, eyeing him closely. "You've been sweeping that spot on the floor for the past ten minutes. I'm pretty sure it's clean." She walked over to him and took the broom. "Here, I'll handle the rest."

Toris felt his cheeks flare up in embarrassment. He hadn't thought that much time had passed while thinking about Feliks, but then again time always flew when distracted. "Sorry," he muttered. "I was just thinking about something."

"The circumstances that brought you here?" Natalia asked, sweeping the floor with swift, expert skill. "I understand how hard that can be, and I'm sincerely sorry that you experienced it, but please try not to let it affect your work."

"I won't," Toris said. "I'm terribly sorry. It won't happen again." He was too embarrassed to look at her, so he averted his eyes. "Is there anything else that needs done?"

"Could you wipe down the windows?" Natalia asked. "That's a job that's simple enough."

Toris bushed. "Right away, Natalia." He walked over to the counter and grabbed the rag and spray bottle to clean the windows. He could tell that Natalia was watching him closely, so he knew he would have to do a great job if he wanted to make up for not sweeping the floor properly.

"You know," Natalia began as she swept, "most men wouldn't listen to a woman's instruction. You know that, right?"

"I am aware," Toris said as he scrubbed at the window.

"So why are you listening to me?" Natalia asked, leaning on the broom.

"It's because you know what you're doing better than I know," Toris honestly answered. "You know how things go here, and I don't."

She hummed thoughtfully as she rested her chin on the top of the broom handle. "I see," she softly said. "Once, we had a new employee that my father left it up to me to train. He wouldn't listen to a thing I said, so he was fired by my father the next day. His excuse was, 'Why should I listen to someone lower than me?'" Natalia scoffed. "Men these days," she groaned.

Toris nodded in agreement. "That's highly disrespectful," he commented. "You actually know what you're doing, which is more than one could say for him, or even me today."

Natalia smirked at Toris. "I like you," she said. "I'm going to put in a good word for you with my father."

"You'd do that for me?" Toris asked, shocked. He turned to look at her, eyes wide.

"Of course I would," Natalia answered. "You're much better than most of the men who have shown up to work this job. You see, my father's not really sick. He just likes to have me train the new employees to see if they'll follow my direction. You passed, Toris. Welcome to the store."

Toris smiled brightly and went back to working on the windows. "Thank you so much, Natalia! I appreciate it!"

"Don't mention it," she scoffed, smiling. "Anything is better than a man who can't follow the direction of a woman. But I'm pretty sure you'll get the hang of things. You seem like a fast learner."

"Thank you," Toris said with a nod. He finished wiping down the windows and walked over to her. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Not that I can think of," Natalia said, humming softly in thought. She smiled gratefully to Toris as she finished sweeping. "I am grateful for you help today."

Toris smiled. "I am grateful for your instruction. I wouldn't have been able to do well without you." He held out a hand to Natalia for her to shake. "I look forward to working with you again sometime if your father permits it."

Her eyes widened. "You want to work with me again?" she asked, surprised. "Why is that?"

"You're highly intelligent," Toris told her. "I would be honored to work with you." He grinned widely. "You know this place better than any other employee, right?"

Natalia blushed, not used to being complimented. "Yeah, I guess so…" She reached out and took Toris's outstretched hand in a firm handshake. "Thank you, Toris."

"I look forward to working with you again," he said.

"Come back tomorrow, then," Natalia said. "We'll set up a schedule then."

.

The next day, Toris walked into the store to hear some soft music playing. It was in English, so he understood every word being sung.

"Missed the Saturday dance," a male's voice sang.

"Heard they crowded the floor.

Couldn't bear it without you.

Don't get around much anymore.

Thought I'd visit the club.

Got as far as the door.

They had asked me about you.

Don't get around much anymore."

A female's voice was then heard singing along with the radio inside the store. "Oh, darlin', I guess

My mind's more at ease.

But nevertheless,

Why stir up memories?"

"Natalia?" Toris asked when he realized that she was the one singing. "Are you in here?"

The female voice immediately stopped singing along as Natalia poked her head around the corner of an aisle. "How long have you been here?" she demanded. Her eyes narrowed at Toris. "Were you listening to me singing?"

"On my behalf, you do have a lovely voice," Toris quickly said. "I couldn't help but listen." He blushed, realizing he had given a very forward compliment. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"You really think my voice is lovely?" Natalia asked, cheeks a rosy pink. "That's kind of you. No one has ever told me that." She nodded to the radio. "Do you know this song, Toris?"

He thought for a moment. It sounded familiar. Then he remembered where he had heard it. Feliks used to sing it while cleaning. A knot formed in his stomach and throat. He felt as if he couldn't breathe. "Yes," he slowly answered. "A dear friend of mine used to sing it."

"Dear friend?" Natalia asked, cocking her head to the side. "Were they back in Poland?"

Toris nodded. "Yes," he said. Images of Feliks grabbing him by his hands and dancing around the kitchen with him flooded into his mind. It made his heart hurt to know he would never see those beautiful green eyes or that darling smile ever again. That made his heart ache.

"I'm sorry," she softly said. "I didn't mean to bring back harsh memories." She awkwardly looked down at the floor.

"No, it's not your fault," Toris quickly said, head snapping up to look at her. "In fact, I'm thankful for those memories. It's just that maybe I should make some new memories with this song so it's not as painful."

"Make new memories?" Natalia asked, raising an eyebrow. "I don't quite follow you."

Toris smiled at her and extended his hand. "May I have this dance?"

Her eyes widened. "You want to dance? Why?"

"I want to make some good memories," Toris told her. He re-extended his hand. "So, may I?"

Natalia blushed deeply. "Okay," she softly agreed. She refused to make eye contact, yet she grabbed his hand, blushing even more when his hand rested on her hip. Her hand found its way to his shoulder. She looked at Toris's shoulders as they began to slowly sway back and forth. "I didn't expect you to be such a good dancer."

"You didn't?" Toris laughed. "My mother taught me when I was younger." He smiled warmly. "I was always forced to dance with my little sister."

He bit his lip as thoughts of Dalia entered his mind. He remembered dancing around the front room with her when they were younger. She would always giggle when he spun and twirled her, making him smile widely. The memories which were once so fond now left a bittersweet feeling in his mind. He would give anything to go back to those days when his sister's laughter rang in his ears. Hell, he wasn't even sure if she was even alive anymore. And that was the worst thing about those memories.

"Are you all right?" Natalia asked, looking closer at his face. "Is something wrong?"

Toris shook his head, "Nothing at all. I'm sorry. My head's not completely here at the moment. All of these memories keep returning to me unbidden."

"That's okay, Toris," Natalia said. "It must be hard." She frowned. "I hope things get better. You're a very nice man. You don't deserve such a tragic past." Her eyes had a sympathetic aura about them as she looked up at him. "I hope people see that."

Toris smiled. "Thanks." He blushed more and twirled Natalia, who let a soft giggle escape her lips. "Your laugh is beautiful."

"It is?" Natalia asked, eyes widening. She looked into Toris's eyes. "No one has ever told me that." She blinked her eyes and then closed them.

"They haven't?" Toris asked. "Well you should know that you have a beautiful laugh. I'm glad that I got to hear it."

The song ended, yet they kept dancing, too lost in each other's gaze. Toris's eyes were just as wide as Natalia's as they gazed at each other. Natalia's heart pounded, yet she couldn't explain why. She blinked her eyes when she saw the intensity in Toris's.

"We should get to work," Natalia said, stepping back. Her cheeks were bright red. "My father will be mad if we don't open soon." She hurried away from him and began to busy herself at the counter with setting up. "Come on, Toris, hurry up." She couldn't explain why she was so flustered, but she wasn't going to let it interfere with her work.

.

The day went by like it had the day before, except for one factor. There was a strange tension between Natalia and Toris as they worked. At moments, their hands would brush against each other's and both would blush so hard that they felt fevered. It wasn't like it was awkward between them, it was just that neither of them knew what to do.

It was Natalia who finally spoke as they closed the store together. "I enjoyed dancing with you today," she admitted without looking at him.

"I-I'm glad," Toris stammered.

"There is a dance coming up at the restaurant," she continued. "When I know the date, I will tell you. I would like to see you there."

"I'll be there," Toris answered with a smile. "I hope I would be able to dance with you there."

"I would like that," Natalia said, blushing. She didn't even bring her eyes up to meet his, embarrassed. "Thank you for being so kind and listening to me these past couple days. I'm glad that my father finally hired a good man." She then looked up at him. "I go back to work at the restaurant tomorrow, so you will be working with my father. I wrote out your schedule for you, so please don't lose it." She handed him a piece of paper. "I look forward to working with you again. Now let's head home."

Toris nodded and took the paper. "Thank you, Natalia." He smiled and tucked it into his pocket. "It's getting dark outside, and I don't think a lady should ever walk home alone after dusk. Please, allow me to walk you home."

"You wish to walk me home?" Natalia asked, startled. "You had better not be getting any ideas about me!"

"None at all," Toris quickly assured. "I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you on your way home. I would feel as if it were my fault. Please allow me to accompany you on your walk."

"Such a gentleman," Natalia commented with a soft smile. "Okay, I will let you walk me home." She didn't mention to him that she kept a dagger in her boot at all times, feeling that it would ruin the mood.

Toris grinned with pride. "I will keep you safe."

Natalia locked up the store as they began to walk together. She noticed how Toris kept looking up at the sky and marvelling at the stars. It made her smile slightly. "You like the stars?" she asked once they were at her door.

"Oh, yes," Toris answered. "I used to stargaze with my friend all the time back in Poland…" His voice trailed off as he thought of Feliks once more. He felt as if his heart were breaking all over again.

"You're a simple man, aren't you?" Natalia asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"I'd like to think I am," Toris answered. "Is that bad?"

"Not bad at all," Natalia answered. "But that doesn't mean I will fall in love with you." She smiled at him. "Thank you for walking me home, but I must now bid you a good night."

"Goodnight, Natalia," Toris said with a smile. He stayed long enough to make sure she got inside safely. But as he walked home, he once more began to compare her to Feliks in his head. Was it really okay to fall for her?


	14. Chapter 14

Mid-April, 1942, Ukrainian Border

Toris hummed to himself as he drummed his fingers on the table, listening to the music that surrounded the restaurant. He had decided to go to the dance after much persuasion from Natalia. His blue eyes watched Matt as he danced around the floor with Irunya. The captain had been hesitant on asking the woman to dance, but with some encouragement from Toris, he decided to give in to it.

The Lithuanian male smiled to himself as he saw the way Irunya looked at Matt. She was so in love with Matt, and every but Matt knew that. Toris secretly hoped that Matt would figure it out soon. He was happy for the dancing pair, though he wished that he could just dance once with Natalia, but she had turned him down twice already, saying that she was too busy waiting tables.

As the song ended, Toris sighed. The dance was over, and he hadn't had a chance to dance with Natalia. Part of him sighed in disappointment, and another part of him was glad that he didn't have to dance in front of people. He didn't like to dance in front of people if he could help it. It was something he was almost insecure about, even if he was good at it.

Toris approached Natalia as people began filtering out. "It's a shame that I didn't get to dance with you tonight," he told her, awkwardly leaning against the wall. He ran his hands through his hair, which he regularly kept in a ponytail those days since it had grown so long. "I was honestly looking forward to it."

"You were?" Natalia asked, looking over at him. She shrugged her shoulders. "Sorry, I was working." Her soft blue eyes looked up at him. "How disappointed are you?"

"What do you mean?" Toris asked, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. He cast her a curious look.

"How disappointed are you that you didn't get to dance with me?" she asked, bringing herself to her full height but only reaching his shoulders. Natalia focused her gaze on him. "And I want the truth, Laurinaitis."

"I have to say I'm pretty disappointed," he admitted. "But you were working, so it's okay. I understand." Toris shot her a small smile. "It's not your fault, Natalia."

She flashed him a small smile. "If you're sure, Toris," she said. Natalia thought for a moment. "Guess we'll just have to wait for the next dance."

Toris took her hands when she set down a pile of plates on a table. For a moment, she looked shocked until she looked up into his eyes. The burning intensity in them made her pause. Why was he looking at her like that?

"What's wrong?" Natalia finally asked, trying to take her hands back. She gave up immediately when he held strong. "Toris?" she asked after a moment. "Is everything okay?"

He just stared at her for a moment before licking his lips and saying, "If I can play one last song, will you dance with me?"

"How will you do that?" Natalia asked, blinking in surprise.

"You didn't answer my question," Toris reminded. He smiled lightly at her.

Natalia thought about it for a moment. "I guess I wouldn't be able to say no."

"I was hoping you'd say that," Toris said with a smile. He walked over to the jukebox and looked at the music on it. Finally, he found the song he was looking for, pressed play, and walked back over to Natalia. "May I have this dance?"

The voice came out as almost a hum from all of the blood rushing in the ears of both people. "When I'm not playing solitaire,

I take a book down from the shelf.

And what with programs on the air,

I keep pretty much to myself."

Natalia accepted the offer and placed both hands on Toris's strong shoulders. She blushed as he placed his hands on her hips and began to sway back and forth with her. The music suddenly seemed to surround them.

"Missed the Saturday dance,

Heard they crowded the floor.

Couldn't bear it without you.

Don't get around much anymore."

Toris twirled her in time to the music, causing a soft laugh to escape her lips. He grinned widely as he pulled her back in close. If anything, he didn't want their dance to ever end. It was too perfect.

A flashback came upon him as he pulled her closer. It was of another time he had slow-danced to this song. He remembered Feliks's long, blond hair tickling his cheek as he pulled him closer, Feliks's laughter bubbling up between them. He remembered the feeling of Feliks's lips against his as the song came to a close. It sent chills down his spine as he shivered to himself.

"Are you cold?" Natalia asked him. Her eyes held concern as she looked up at him.

"No, I'm fine," Toris lied. "I just got a random cold chill, that's all." He plastered a fake smile to his face. "You dance so smoothly, Miss Arlovskaya."

"Why thank you," Natalia answered, blushing. "My mother made me take lessons when I was younger." Her mind then went to the handsome Russian boy she had danced with. She remembered his violet eyes and his silvery-white hair. "I was one of the best in the class, along with a Russian boy who moved away."

"Well it definitely shows," Toris told her, impressed with her history of dance. "It's pretty impressive."

"Not really," she said, blushing. Natalia averted her eyes to Toris's chest. She hadn't noticed how strong and masculine his build really was. Her mind suddenly wondered what would ever happen if he were to leave her like that Russian boy had. She tightened her grip on his shoulders, almost fearing he would leave if she were to let go.

"What's wrong?" Toris asked her.

Natalia shook her head, looking down at their feet now. She noticed how they stopped swaying, hoping it wasn't because of her. Her brain couldn't comprehend why she was so scared of this dance ending. It was as if she was terrified that after tonight she'd never see him again, just like with her old dance partner. Her head spun as she began to contemplate ways to make sure he wouldn't disappear as well.

"Well there's obviously something, Natalia," Toris said to her. He reached up a hand to brush her hair behind her ear. "Talk to me."

Her eyes met with his for a brief moment before she gripped his collar in her hands and brought his lips down to hers. She closed her eyes as she kissed the Lithuanian man, the feeling of it being everything she thought it would be. Natalia's hands went from his collar to the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her.

Toris's hands went up to her waist, wrapping his arms around her as he kissed her back. His heart felt as if it were going to burst out of his chest from excitement. He pulled her as close as he could get her, his hands pressing greedily against the small of her back.

Natalia felt the pressure, but she didn't care. All that mattered to her was that she was kissing the kindest and sweetest man she had ever met, a man who truly seemed to care about her. She began to run her fingers through his hair as they kissed. She let out a soft sigh as he moved his lips on hers.

When they finally pulled apart for air, it felt as if there were no one else in the world but them. They stared into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity before Natalia realized that she was still at work.

"I have to get to cleaning!" she exclaimed, eyes widening in surprise. She hadn't expected any of that to happen. It didn't seem like it had lasted long, but the song was over by that point. Her cheeks filled with a familiar blush as she looked back up at Toris. "Thank you for dancing with me, Toris!"

He smiled and bent down to kiss her cheek. "I won't keep you any longer," he joked. "Besides, I have work tomorrow." His hands trailed their way to her hands as he gave them a gentle squeeze. "I'll see you again soon."

"Yeah," she said, biting her lip in anticipation. "See you soon, Toris."

Toris watched her as she walked away, seeing the way her skirt swished on her calves and the way her long, blonde hair moved back and forth as she walked. All he could do was grin and sigh out, "What a woman."

.

Early July, 1942, Ukrainian Border

The past few months had been like a dream for Toris, a fast-paced yet blissful dream. He and Natalia had decided to go steady a couple days after the dance, and he had also heard a rumor about Matt admitting his feelings to Irunya before leaving for France a month or so back. Toris had also gotten an apartment for himself and Raivis, which was actually right above the store he worked in. Natalia's father had cut him a deal since he was dating his daughter.

One day, while Toris was working, Natalia stormed into the store, fuming. He was honestly surprised that there wasn't steam coming out of her ears. He hadn't even gotten a chance to greet her before she stormed into the storage room and began shouting in Russian.

Feeling curious, Toris went into the back room when he was sure there were no customers on the floor. He walked into a chaotic scene of Natalia shouting and throwing rolls of toilet paper at the wall.

"Natalia?" Toris calmly asked. His eyes widened as she slowly turned to her. There were tears slipping down her face. "Woah. Are you okay? What's wrong?"

She dropped the toilet paper roll she had been holding and ran to Toris. Her arms gripped him in a tight hug as she buried her face in his chest, letting the tears flow once again. "I'm so furious!" she cried, voice muffled by his body.

Toris smoothed her hair comfortingly. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Natalia broke apart from Toris and grabbed the dagger out of her boot, viciously stabbing the nearest roll of toilet paper, unsatisfied until it was just a pile of shreds. Her face was bright red as she looked back up at Toris. "I know that you are friends with that Captain Williams, but that doesn't mean I can't hate him for what he's done!" she shouted at Toris.

"What does Matt have to do with anything?" Toris asked her. He didn't understand why she was bringing up someone who had already left the area long before.

"First, he was incredibly insensitive to Irunya's feelings before he left," Natalia fumed.

Toris nodded. "I remember you saying that. But I thought he made up for that and took her out on a date."

"Exactly!" she shouted. "But I didn't get to hear how the date truly went until today!" Natalia clenched her fist tightly around her dagger's handle.

"Why would Irunya suddenly mention her date with Matt?" Toris asked her, confused. "If she didn't mention it when it happened, why would she mention it now?"

"That's what I was thinking at first," Natalia slowly said, voice growing an eerily dark edge to it. "But the reason she mentioned it today is because Irunya just found out that she's pregnant!"

Toris felt as if the world had flipped him upside down. The words "Irunya" and "pregnant" didn't belong together. Surely Natalia had to be mistaken. Irunya was too innocent to have sex with Matt! The whole idea of it just seemed so insane that Toris could barely wrap his head around it.

"She's pregnant?" Toris asked. "With Matt's baby?"

Natalia looked up at him. "Yeah…" she choked out. "I don't know why she didn't tell me about her and him sooner. She was just so tight-lipped about the date until today. It was as if she knew this was going to happen all along."

He thought for a moment. "That must be hard for you, having her keep something like that from you."

"It is," Natalia sniffled. "If she can't tell me things, then who can she tell?"

"Come here," Toris said, opening his arms to her.

Natalia stood up and stumbled over to him, falling into his embrace. "I thought me and Irunya were friends," she mumbled. "Why couldn't she tell me when it happened?"

"I don't know," Toris told her. "I really don't."

"Doesn't she see that he's ruined her life?" Natalia asked. "A child with no father is going to bring her nothing but trouble. She's going to get fired. She already knows it. That child has ruined her life, Toris."

"Is that how you will feel one day when you have children?" Toris asked her.

She pulled away from him and glared up at him. "I never want children," she flatly told him. "I do not ever want a child."

"You don't?" Toris asked. He was honestly a little taken aback. He hadn't expected Natalia to say that, having wanted to continue his family line with her one day.

"No," Natalia answered. "I hate children. I always have."

"You might think differently when it's your own," Toris told her with a shrug.

She looked back up at him. "No I won't."

Toris decided to drop the subject of children and comfort her.

.

Toris woke up to a pounding on the door to his apartment. It was the middle of the night. Who would be at his door that late at night? He rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he groggily sat up. His legs let him stumble down the stairs to the door.

"Who is it?" he asked as the pounding continued. It was too early for this. The sun wasn't even up.

The insistent knocking continued until he opened the door and a person collapsed to their feet before him. The person was shorter than him, and blonde, but he knew immediately that it wasn't Natalia. The shade was too light to be her.

With extra caution in his pace, Toris leaned down to see if he knew the person. "Hello?" he softly asked in English. "Who are you? What are you here for?"

The person slowly picked themselves up and looked up at him with their beautiful, shining green eyes. "Have you forgot me?" the person asked, voice low.

Toris realized that the person wasn't speaking English, but he somehow understood them. He looked closer in the dark staircase. "Feliks?" he softly asked.

"Who else did you think it was?" Feliks asked, voice sounding bitterly confused. He pushed his hair out of his face and smiled. "You know, you're a hard man to find," he scolded. "You have no idea how long it took me to find you."

"How did you know I was here?" Toris asked. As his eyes adjusted, he noticed how thin and sickly Feliks looked. He put an arm around Feliks's waist to support him and shut the door before helping him up the stairs. "How did you know where to look?"

"The Germans," Feliks huffed. "They knew where you went. They were tracking you, but when you crossed into Russia, they knew better than to come after you." He grunted when Toris pushed him onto the bed. "Be a little more gentle, will you? I'm fragile these days."

"Sorry," Toris apologized, noticing at that moment that they were speaking in Polish to each other. "Would you like anything to drink? I can get you some water."

Feliks shook his head. "It wouldn't do anything," he sighed. "I've gone without water a lot. Hell, I've gone without food for days at a time. I don't think I'd be able to hold it."

"What did they do to you?" Toris asked Feliks, sitting next to him. He couldn't help but notice that Feliks wasn't acting like himself.

Feliks shrugged indifferently. "Does it matter?" he asked. "We're together again. Shouldn't you be hugging and kissing me instead of interrogating me?"

"What's wrong with you?" Toris asked him. "This isn't the Feliks that I know."

The Polish man just continued talking as if Toris hadn't said anything. "Honestly, Toris, what is wrong with you? Don't you still love me? I mean, I'm still Feliks. I sacrificed myself so you could be safe. Shouldn't you be thanking me?"

"When you put it that way-"

Feliks's face was suddenly filled with sorrow. "Don't tell me you fell in love with someone else," he softly said. "Who is she? What's her name?"

"How did you know she was a girl?" Toris asked.

"After everything I went through for you," Feliks said, looking up at Toris and trying to meet his eye, "why would you do this to me?"

"Feliks, it isn't like that!" Toris tried to insist. "I swear! I didn't mean to betray you!"

"Yes you did," Feliks said to him. "I suppose I'm nothing to you now, right?"

"That's not true," Toris told him. He reached out to Feliks, but Feliks stood up, suddenly able to walk around on his own. "Where are you going?"

"Why the fuck would it matter to you?" Feliks asked. He turned to glare at Toris. "It's not like you care about me anymore."

Toris jumped to his feet and started toward Feliks. "Feliks, that's not true!"

"Why don't you love me anymore?!" Feliks shouted at him, turning toward him so fast that Toris was surprised he didn't fall. "What did I do to make you love someone else?! Was it just because I wasn't around anymore?!" He grabbed Toris by his shirt collar. "Answer me!" Tears stung at his eyes as he shook his now-ex-lover. "Why wasn't I good enough?!"

"It's not that!" Toris shouted back. "It's just that-"

"You thought I was dead, didn't you?" Feliks asked, expression falling. "And now you're in too deep to come back to me."

Toris couldn't bring himself to look Feliks in the eye. "I didn't mean for it to be this way."

"Then what the fuck did you mean?" Feliks asked him.

.

Toris woke up in a cold sweat. The light from the morning sun filtered in through the window above his bed. After a quick search of his and Raivis's apartment, he figured it must have all been a dream, a horrifyingly lucid dream. But it felt too real to be a dream. It felt as if Feliks had really been there.

As he thought more and more about his relationship with Natalia, he began to wonder if, had Feliks never been taken, would they still be together?


	15. Chapter 15

Mid-September, 1942, Ukrainian Border

Toris smiled up at Natalia as he sat across the dinner table from her. That night was going to be a special night for them, a night to always remember and cherish. He had fallen completely in love with that beautiful woman, and he couldn't imagine his life without her. His plan was to ask her to marry him that night either during or after dinner.

Natalia returned his smile. "This is my favorite place to eat," she softly said. "I love the soup. It's a great restaurant, but it's so expensive. That's why I can't eat here too often."

He smiled a little bigger to show he understood. "Yeah, that's true. But I thought I would bring you here tonight because you enjoy it so much."

"That's considerate of you," Natalia responded. "It's been awhile since someone considered me in such a way."

"Since I am courting you, shouldn't I consider your feelings on things?" Toris asked her.

Natalia's smile widened. "You're wonderful, Toris."

He reached a hand across the table and placed the tips of his fingers over hers, but he frowned when he noticed her slowly sliding her hand back. "What's wrong?"

"You know that I'm not fond of public displays of affection, Toris," Natalia muttered at him just loud enough for him to hear without anyone else in the restaurant hearing. "Do that again, and I'll break your fingers. I'm serious."

Toris averted his eyes to his plate as his cheeks burned with blush. He had forgotten that detail. How would he propose to her then? His mind began to think of ways that would still be romantic as he walked her home. He knew he had a limited amount of time unless if he suggested another activity during dinner.

"Natalia?" he asked, struggling to keep his voice from shaking with nervousness.

"Yes?" she asked, looking into his eyes and holding his gaze evenly, almost as if she were challenging him in some sort of way. Then again, Toris had noticed that Natalia seemed to consider everything a challenge. That was one thing he liked about her.

"Would you like to go on a walk by the lake after dinner?" Toris asked her, internally struggling to hold her gaze. He loved this woman, yet he did indeed find her to be so intimidating, especially when she was angry.

"That sounds nice," she said, lips parting into a soft smile that revealed the front of her topo row of teeth. "I would like that a lot. But on one condition."

"What condition would that be?" Toris asked her.

"I would like to watch the sunset with you," she answered. "Though I may not enjoy public displays of affection, I do enjoy romance, and sunsets are romantic to me." Her voice was so casual while admitting that that Toris blinked in confusion for a moment before realizing what she had said.

"Of course I'll watch the sunset with you," Toris said. The ring box in his pocket suddenly felt heavy as lead. He was going to add to the romance of the sunset by asking her to marry her during the last moment of daylight. The last trickling moments of daylight lighting up the gems on the ring would take her breath away, no doubt.

"Then I look forward to it," Natalia said, smiling slightly wider. "I'm glad that you chose me out of any other woman in this town, Toris. You are a caring man. I feel that we are meant to be together."

"Y-You do?" Toris asked, surprised.

"I do," Natalia confirmed with a nod. "Toris, my desire is to be your wife one day. I hope that you will let me be what I desire."

"I hope that you will be what you desire as well," Toris said, smiling at her. "Now, we should probably eat before our meals get cold, Natalia."

"You're right," she agreed, blushing. "I'm sorry. I had forgotten myself." She began to eat once more, causing Toris to smile as he ate as well.

.

The sunset shimmered on the lake, making the water look golden and light orange. Every now and then a fish would jump up and cause ripples across the water. All nature seemed to be working with the two individuals walking near the lake, hand-in-hand.

Natalia laced her fingers between Toris's. She was fine with holding his hand since no one else was around. Her chest felt as if it were going to burst from contentment. At that moment, she felt the most in love that she had ever felt in her entire life, and it was with the man she was walking with. Her other arm reached around herself and hugged his arm close to her.

Toris pointed to the sunset with his free hand. It was almost time. "Look, the sun is starting to fade over the horizon," he told her.

"So it is," she sighed. Their perfect date was coming to an end. "If only it would stay up just a little longer."

"Why would you want that?" Toris asked her.

"So I could spend more time with you," she answered. Natalia shrugged as if it were obvious and not that big of a deal. "Tonight was perfect, and I don't want it to end." She then turned to Toris. "We can't waste a perfect sunset like this one," she told him.

"What do you mean, Natalia?" Toris asked her, eyes widening.

"Kiss me, Toris," she answered. "Kiss me like you mean it." Natalia closed her eyes and tilted her head up toward him, waiting for him.

Toris slipped his hand into the pocket with the ring box as he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. There was a magical spark that he felt as he let go of her hand and brought his hand behind her neck, pulling her face closer to his as they kissed deeper.

When they pulled away, Natalia's look was almost pleading. Toris couldn't figure out what she wanted.

"What's wrong, Natalia?" Toris asked, hand still in his pocket.

"I…" Her voice trailed off as she gazed down at her shoes for a moment. Natalia's head flicked back up moments later. Her blue eyes held so much intensity in them as she said, "I love you, Toris Laurinaitis. I want to be your wife. I want that more than anything in the world."

"You want to be my wife?" Toris asked, blinking at her.

Natalia eagerly nodded. "What do I have to do to be yours?"

He slowly got down on one knee and pulled the box from his pocket. "Honestly, all you have to do is say yes," he answered. His hands opened the box as his eyes watched hers as she saw the ring.

The Belarusian woman was lost for words. "Toris!" she finally exclaimed. "You mean…"

"Natalia Arlovskaya," Toris began, "will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

She fell to her knees before him, nodding. Natalia was at a loss for words. Her arms hooked around his neck as she hugged him close and cried tears of joy. "Yes!" she excitedly said. "I will marry you, Toris! I want nothing more than to be your wife!"

"I'm glad," Toris answered. He was able to pull away and slid the ring onto her right ring finger, smiling. "You have made me the happiest man in all of Russia."

Natalia cupped his cheeks in her hands and kissed him happily. "I love you so much, Toris! So much!" She kissed him over and over as they sat on the ground together, slowly moving onto his lap. "I love you so much!"

Toris wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her securely. And when they pulled apart for air, her hair was suddenly much lighter and shorter, and her eyes were brilliantly green. His eyes widened. Feliks?

"Toris, I love you," Feliks told him. He smiled cutely. "Thank you for making my dreams come true!"

Toris blinked his eyes a couple times until he saw Natalia again instead of Feliks. "How about we head home?" he suggested. "I'm getting tired. Aren't you?"

Natalia shook her head, grinning, yet she reluctantly stood up. "I don't know how I'll ever sleep tonight," she admitted. Her smile could barely fit on her face. "This is the greatest day of my life!"

"I'm glad," Toris said, smiling. "It's just that I have work tomorrow."

"Right," Natalia recalled. "Papa sure has you working a lot."

"How else do you think I was able to buy your beautiful ring, my darling?" Toris asked her with a wink.

Natalia beamed at him. "I love you." She latched onto his arm, hugging it to her as he walked her home.

.

Toris woke up in the middle of the night, noticing another person in his bed. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes before realizing it was Raivis. "Raivis?" he yawned. "What is it? Is everything okay?"

Raivis turned his head to look over at him. His face was tear-stained. "No," he softly said. He took a deep, shuddering breath before breaking into sobs.

"What's going on?" Toris asked, concerned. "What's wrong?" He was suddenly sitting up, wide awake. His heart was racing. What could be bothering Raivis this badly?

"You," Raivis finally answered, almost as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "It's you that bothers me."

"What about me?" Toris asked, honestly surprised. He couldn't think of any way he could have upset or offended his younger cousin. What was going on?

Raivis suddenly sat bolt upright. "Don't you get it, Toris?" he demanded. "Don't you realize what today is? Today is the six-month anniversary of the day that Feliks gave up everything for you, for us! And what do you do? You go and get engaged to someone else! He loved you, dammit! Feliks loved you like you wouldn't believe! I saw the way he looked at you when you weren't looking! I heard the way he talked about you! And you threw that love away like it was nothing the moment he was gone! Out of sight, out of mind! You make me sick! I hate that we're related! I hate that I have to depend on you!" By that point, Raivis was breathing heavily and raging on and on. He was a force that couldn't be stopped. "I know that you and Feliks used to have sex all the time, and I know that you loved him, too! And I just can't stand the fact that you're with someone else just because he might possibly be dead!"

"Raivis," Toris began.

"What if he's not?!" Raivis shouted at him.

"What?" Toris asked.

"You heard me," Raivis snarled at his older cousin. "What if Feliks isn't dead? What if he escaped? What if one day, he comes and finds you, and you're married to someone else? How do you think he'll feel?"

"Raivis, that will never happen," Toris sighed. "He would have no idea where to find me."

"Don't underestimate the man who knows you inside and out," Raivis snarled at Toris. He then kicked off the blankets and stormed over to his own room. "You're a terrible person. And on my birthday, I'm out of here."

Toris heard the door slam and laid back down, pulling his blankets up to his chin. He felt paranoid about what Raivis had said. What if Feliks really did find him again one day, and he was married to Natalia? What would he say? What would he do? How broken would he really be about it?

.

Mid-August, 1941, Warsaw, Poland

Feliks grabbed Toris's hands, laughing. "Come on, Toris, you have to dance with me! You promised!" His voice was high and melodious as his skirt swished around his ankles. He twirled in Toris's arms, laughter bubbling up between the two.

"Sara, there isn't any music," Toris laughed.

"Well that can be fixed," Feliks answered with a wink. He skipped over to the radio and turned it on right at the beginning of a song. "I am so good at this." The melody rang around the living room. "I love this song!" He frolicked back over to Toris. "No we definitely have to dance to this, got it?"

"Missed the Saturday dance," a voice sang from the radio.

"Heard they crowded the floor.

Couldn't bear it without you,

Don't get around much anymore."

Feliks began to hum along to the radio. "This song is so sad, but I really do like it. You know, if you were to ever disappear from my life, I would probably sing this song every day. I wouldn't go out anymore, and I would never love another until the day I died."

"You don't mean that," Toris sighed.

"But I do," Feliks insisted. "I love you, Toris. I really do. You complete me. You're my other half. I'm more in love with you than I've ever been with anyone in my entire life." He batted his eyes up at Toris and smiled sweetly. "I will never love another person for as long as I live."

Toris smiled at him. "I'm pretty sure I never will either." He leaned down and kissed the Polish man's cheek as they continued to dance around the living room. "You are the one for me, Feliks. Forever. I will always love you."

"I will always love you, too," Feliks answered. He smiled and rested his head on Toris's chest. "You are the greatest man to ever exist, you know that?" he asked Toris. "I love you so much. You are perfection."

"I wouldn't say perfection," Toris laughed, "but thank you."

Feliks looked up at Toris with a smile. "Then you obviously don't see what I see."

"I guess I don't," Toris answered with a smile.

"And what a shame that truly is," Feliks sighed as he clicked his tongue in disapproval. "That won't do. If only you truly knew how amazing you really are." He glanced up at the look on Toris's face. "Don't you grin at me like that. Don't piss me off, Tor."

"You're just so cute," Toris admitted. He leaned down and brushed his lips against Feliks's, causing the Polish man to stop, mid-sentence and nearly melt into the Lithuanian's embrace. "Feliks, I love you. I can't imagine my life with anyone else. You are the only person I see myself with for the rest of my days. There, I said it. Happy?"

"Delighted," Feliks giggled. He smiled almost drunkenly and fell against Toris. "You are everything to me. Even if we are ever separated for some Godforsaken reason, please always wait for me. If our love is real, I'll find you. We will always get our happily ever after."

"I sure hope so," Toris said with a smile. "You're wonderful."

Feliks gently stood on Toris's feet as they swayed back and forth. "Let's keep dancing!"

"Have you had anything to drink?" Toris asked him. He eyed his boyfriend suspiciously.

The Polish man giggled. "Not at all, I swear. I'm just drunk on you, I guess." He tilted his head up and kissed Toris happily. "You're just too perfect."

"Never," Toris answered, shaking his head. He was smiling, but he hoped Feliks wouldn't notice.

"I love you, Toris Laurinaitis."

"And I love you, Feliks Łukasiewicz."

.

Mid-September, 1942, Ukrainian Border

Toris seemed bothered at work the next day. Maybe it was because of what Raivis had said, or maybe he was feeling haunted by the memory of Feliks. It could possibly be because he was jittery over his engagement as well.

A part of him was screaming at himself for being engaged to Natalia, but then another part of himself loved her more than life itself. He wanted to believe that Feliks was still alive, but he was nearly certain that his past love was dead by this point. It hurt to think about. What else was there to do? He couldn't bear to think about Feliks hurting if he were alive and found out about Natalia. What would he do if he did find out?

"Toris, is everything okay?" Natalia asked, peering over the counter at him as he swept between the aisles.

"Huh? Yeah," Toris answered. He felt so distracted. He couldn't think straight with her around. She just added more stress and unsure feelings to his mind. He knew that he loved her, that much was for sure, but he didn't know what to do if Feliks were still alive.

"You're lying to my, Toris," Natalia answered. "Is this how you want to start out our engagement?"

"No, ma'am," Toris answered, looking down at the floor.

"Then what is bothering you?" Natalia asked, placing a hand on her hip,

"I didn't sleep well last night," Toris answered.

"Why didn't you sleep well, Toris?"

"I had a nightmare," he answered. "It was about my past in Poland."

But it wasn't a nightmare, Toris! his mind shouted at him. Your life was wonderful with Feliks! You only said it was a nightmare to try to kill your guilt over it! You're pathetic! When will you just accept that you still love him?!

Toris vigorously shook his head to rid himself of the thought. He didn't need to be thinking like that at the moment. He had work to do. After all, Feliks was now just an old flame. Yet why did that flame still feel so strong? Why hadn't it completely burnt out yet?


	16. Chapter 16

Late October, 1942, Ukrainian Border

"Your birthday is coming up soon," Toris said to Raivis one morning as he set out breakfast on the table for them.

"Yeah?" Raivis asked. "And?"

The two had grown more and more distant in the past month. Raivis had begun to grow more independent, and Toris was always working or with Natalia, otherwise too buy to notice. Then there was the one incident where Natalia had pulled her knife on Raivis because he had accidentally surprised her. And when Toris had taken her side on it, that was when Raivis had decided that Toris was no longer someone he could depend on for anything.

"Do you remember when we left for Poland?" Toris asked.

"Do you?" Raivis shot back.

Toris sighed, frowning. "Raivis, please. I'm trying to have a civil conversation with you. I'm just asking if you remember because there's something I remember about it."

"And what is it that you remember, since you don't remember anything else from Poland?" Raivis demanded.

Hurt flashed across Toris's expression for a brief moment, almost making Raivis want to take back his words, before he answered, "You said you didn't want to stay in one place forever. You said that you wanted to go and see the world. And we made that deal. Do you remember that?"

Raivis thought back to their conversation on the train to Poland. It seemed like a lifetime ago. "Yes," he finally said.

"It's been longer than we agreed upon," Toris softly said. "And I can tell that you don't want to stay here with me any longer." His voice choked slightly as he said, "Why don't you follow your dream?"

The younger of the two's eyes widened. "You're giving me permission?" he asked, shocked. "But what about the war going on? What about you and Natalia? What about Irunya and the baby?"

"But what about what you want to do with your life?" Toris countered. "It's not fair to just sit around your whole life, is it? You don't have to live in my shadow any longer. On your birthday, you are free to go and follow your dream."

Raivis was touched by his cousin's words, yet he couldn't help but be suspicious. "You're not doing this just to get rid of me, are you?"

Toris shook his head. "I'm doing this because I've been selfish," he answered. "It's time you do something you want for a change. I'm letting you go and follow your dreams because I love you, Raivis. I want what's best for my little cousin, and living here is not what's best for you right now." He was quiet for a moment. "I only ask one thing."

"What's that?" Raivis asked, looking up at his cousin.

"I want you to be at my wedding," Toris answered. "Because I want you to be in my wedding."

"When is it?" Raivis asked him.

"It's in March." Toris sighed and then smiled lightly. "Bring your lady friend, if you have one. Anyone you meet along the way is more than welcome to attend. I would love to have them."

"But would Natalia?"

"Are you forgetting that it's my wedding, too?"

Raivis smiled. Now there was the Toris that he knew. "I'll be there," he promised.

.

After that talk with Raivis, Toris began to feel a little more relaxed. He was able to focus better on work as well, much to Natalia's joy. He was also able to hold conversations better without having to worry about Raivis upstairs, or other things. His entire demeanor changed after realizing that Raivis had grown up without him realizing it.

"What has you so happy?" Natalia asked, leaning across the counter as Toris closed up the shop one night. She smiled lightly at him, twirling a strand of hair around her finger absently. "Something seems different. You've been happy these past few days. Did something happen that I should know about?"

"Nothing really happened," Toris answered with a shrug. "Raivis and I had a talk as men. He's going to be leaving in November."

"He's leaving?" Natalia asked, jaw dropping. "Where will he go?"

Toris shrugged. "I have no idea."

"That's not safe!" she exclaimed. "What if something happens to him?!"

"He's a man now, Natalia," Toris simply answered. "There isn't much else I can say on the matter. I promised this to him long ago. I can't go back on my word."

"Toris, there's a war going on!" Natalia exclaimed. "Please think rationally!"

"Natalia, you don't understand," Toris softly said. "If I go back on this, Raivis will hate me for the rest of eternity. I've put him through a lot. He already doesn't like me as is. I can't tell him that he can't go."

"And why not?" she demanded. "It's for his safety! It's what's best for him! Are you that dense that you can't understand that?" Natalia slammed her hands on the countertop. "He is still a kid, dammit!"

"You obviously don't understand why I can't do that," he sighed. "It's very complicated."

"So you'd rather he die?" Natalia bluntly asked.

Toris was suddenly filled with rage. "He's not going to die, Natalia!" he snapped. "My cousin may be young and inexperienced, but he's not an idiot! I'm sick of people acting as if Raivis is incapable of doing things by himself! Raivis can do so many things!" He was fuming with rage, yet the look on Natalia's face calmed him down instantly. In fact, he felt as if her expression had slapped him, hard. "Natalia, I didn't mean to…."

"Is that how you really think I view him?" she softly asked, looking down at the counter. "Do you really think I view him as helpless?"

"No," Toris said after a moment of silence. "I just wish you believed in him the way I did. It would boost his confidence so much better." He sighed. "I didn't mean to yell at you, Natalia. That's not fair to you."

She was quiet for a moment. "You're right. It wasn't fair to me. But I can see why you did it. Just make sure it doesn't happen again." Natalia leaned heavily on the counter. "Why does today have to be so awful?"

"What else happened?" Toris asked.

"Irunya got kicked out," Natalia sighed. "Her parents kicked her out after she told them she refused to give the baby her last name. She's going to be staying with me until she can get her own place. That will be hard for her since she can't get a job while she's pregnant." She frowned. "This is all a disaster."

"When we get married, she can live with us," Toris offered. He sighed. "I believe that Matt will come back for her."

"Don't mention that man!" Natalia snarled, looking up at him. "I hate that man! He's not coming back! He has no reason to ever return here!"

"But what if he returns for Irunya and proves us wrong?" Toris asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It doesn't matter," Natalia answered. "I hope his dick falls off. He doesn't deserve even this child." She huffed and crossed her arms, frowning. "Irunya doesn't deserve everything she's gone through because of him. It's not fair."

Toris frowned. Arguing with Natalia was pointless, so he just kept his lips shut tight. Instead, he busied himself with counting the money that he had made that day in the store, knowing that it was a good excuse not to continue the conversation any further. He didn't want to argue with Natalia anymore that night. He was exhausted and kinda just wanted to go to bed.

"Are you not feeling well?" Natalia asked him after all of the closing up was done.

"I'm not," Toris sighed. "I was thinking I would go to bed early tonight. Last night wasn't a good night for sleep."

"I understand," Natalia said. She smoothed his hair and leaned in to kiss him. "Please try to get better, Toris. I love you."

"I love you too, Natalia," Toris said, kissing her back. He then wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I'm sorry for getting upset with you today. I was stressed, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"It's not your fault," Natalia said. "I would've done the same." She kissed his cheek. "But thank you for your apology." Her body slipped away from his embrace. "Now you should go upstairs and rest. I will see you tomorrow."

"Okay," Toris sighed. "Have a good night, Natalia."

"You too, Toris." She then left the store, leaving Toris to lock it after her.

He turned and went up the stairs in the back room to his and Raivis's apartment. And when he walked in, he saw Raivis staring at a map. "What are you looking at?" he asked.

"I'm planning my adventure," Raivis answered. He smiled up at Toris. "I was thinking about making my way to Switzerland. What do you think of that?"

"That's a pretty far distance," Toris observed.

"I can do it," Raivis said. "And I'l write you when I reach there."

"You will?" Toris asked, smiling.

"Ever since you told me I could leave, I've felt more free. I feel as if I can do so many things," Raivis answered. "I've even started doing odd jobs around the neighborhood to earn money for my trip."

"That's wonderful!" Toris enthused. "And I want to talk to you about something."

"What is it?" Raivis asked.

"You were right," Toris softly said. "I still love Feliks. I dream about him a lot." He took a deep breath. "What I'm doing isn't fair to his memory. But I need to move on or it will tear me apart knowing that he's not here anymore because of me. Because I'm Jewish." His eyes sparkled with tears. "The man I loved is now dead because of me."

Raivis frowned. "It was my fault as well. It wasn't all you." He bit his lip. "I just really miss him a lot. On nights that I couldn't sleep, I would go and wake him up sometimes, and we would go on the roof and watch the stars. He was always so kind to me. I took him for granted, Toris. I thought he would always be there." His voice trailed off. "Toris, I thought he would always be here…"

"I know you did," Toris sighed. "So did I…"

"I just wish I knew if he was alive," Raivis sighed. "That would make me feel better."

"It would," Toris sighed. "But we'll never truly know." He frowned. "If I knew that Feliks were alive, I never would have gotten engaged."

"Do you really mean that?" Raivis asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Of course I do." The older man frowned. "I miss Feliks more than anything. I dream about him all the time. He always asks me if I don't love him anymore."

"I wonder if that's his spirit calling out to you," the younger one mused. "Maybe he's not dead. Maybe he's just out looking for us."

"Please don't suggest that," Toris sighed with a frown. "It's not good for my health."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't bear to think about Feliks right now," he answered. "It will make me cry."

"Maybe you need to," Raivis said. "It could be good for you. Maybe you just need to cry."

"It's because you're around," Toris said. "I just hate crying in front of others." He frowned. "But thank you, Raivis. It really means a lot. I'm going to head to my room so I can think about this. I will see you later." He ruffled his younger cousin's hair. "I'll talk to you later."

Once he reached his room, he was hit with a wave of exhaustion and fell asleep the moment he hit the bed.

.

Early Spring, 1941, Warsaw, Poland

Toris and Feliks walked hand-in-hand on the rooftop. Feliks giggled a little and swung their hands back and forth. Toris had no problem with it as the wind blew their hair every which-way. He had never felt this in love than he had when he was with Feliks. Every morning, he thanked God for another day with the love of his life.

"Toris, I have something I need to tell you," Feliks said, blushing.

"What is it?" Toris asked.

"Please don't think of me as really girly or anything, but I wish I could marry you," he admitted. "I love you so much, Toris. I want to marry you so badly."

"Why would you want to marry me?" Toris asked. He had personally never thought about marrying Feliks, but now that he had mentioned it, marriage sounded wonderful. "I mean, I think it sounds wonderful, but are you sure you would want to marry me?"

"I want to marry you," Feliks repeated. "I love you, Toris."

"We can only be life partners," Toris said. "But as soon as I can marry you with no bad consequences, I will marry you. I promise."

"You do?" Feliks's eyes lit up. "Toris!" he squealed. "I love you!" He jumped into Toris's arms and kissed him deeply. "You are the best! Let's get married as soon as we can!"

"It's a deal," Toris said, smiling widely. He kissed Feliks back. "You're amazing as well." He kissed Feliks's face all over. "I love you too."

Feliks snuggled into Toris's embrace. "Until then, let's just consider ourselves officially engaged."

"That sounds perfect," Toris told him, smiling. He grinned widely and twirled Feliks in his arms. "I love you, Feliks. And I can't wait to get married."

"Ah, neither can I!" Feliks happily sighed. "It will be wonderful! We'll have the best wedding ever!"

"We will," Toris agreed. "And I'd never marry anyone else but you." He kissed Feliks again. "Let's go tell Rai!"

"Yeah!" Feliks agreed, eyes lighting up. "Come on!" He took Toris's hand and ran back down into the apartment with him, giggling all the way. Every fiber of his being was so happy to be loved by Toris, and he couldn't wait until the day they could finally get married.

.

Early November, 1942, Ukrainian Border

Toris was dreading the days coming up. He had been watching Raivis eagerly count them down as he gathered all of his things, ready to leave. Raivis would be leaving him in only two weeks, and it all just seemed as if it were happening too soon. It was almost too much for Toris's heart to handle. Once Raivis left, who would be there for Toris to talk to about life back in Poland? Who else would remember Feliks?

Feliks. Toris had thought about him a lot lately. It was almost unfair how many times a day that Polish man crossed his mind. There was never really an hour of the day when Toris didn't think of him. Every night, Toris even dreamed of him. It was beginning to worry him.

How could Toris ever bring himself to fully lover Natalia when constantly thinking of Feliks? It was something he just couldn't bring himself to do. Sure, Feliks was the only person Toris had ever had sex with, so maybe things would change when he finally had sex with Natalia. Maybe Toris would think more about the woman he loved instead of the man.

Natalia had become more touchy-feely when they were alone. Toris knew it wouldn't be long until they finally did have sex with each other. It was only a matter of time. He could feel it whenever she got his blood racing. He knew that he made her blood race in the same way. It wouldn't be too much longer until they became one under the bedsheets.

The thing was, Toris knew exactly when it would happen. It would happen the night Raivis leaves. Natalia would come over and "sleep" in Raivis's room, but she'd really crawl into bed with Toris. They had it all planned out. It was going to be a special night. Toris found it lucky that Raivis didn't know a thing about it. It was better that way.

Toris didn't like the way Natalia's hands would wander whenever they were alone. Every time they got to kissing, Natalia would reach down to his groin and massage him until he was hard in her hands. Then, she would just leave him like that to fend for himself. It was painful for him, though. It was awful. He was at least grateful that she would finish the job soon.

Toris sighed as he thought about it all. He was going to miss Raivis, but he was also excited to have sex with Natalia. Everything was so conflicting in his head. He didn't really know what to think. His heart ached for the fact that he was going to miss his cousin, but at the same time he was excited to finally truly be alone with Natalia.

Natalia showed up at the apartment the morning Raivis was to depart. "Raivis, are you going to be okay?" she asked him, frowning in concern. She cupped his face in her hands.

"Why are you suddenly concerned?" Raivis asked, confused. He gave her a funny look. "It doesn't make sense to me."

"Raivis," Toris scolded. He picked up Raivis's backpack. "You're travelling light, I see."

"I can buy things when I reach Switzerland," he answered with a shrug.

"Why Switzerland?" Natalia asked.

Raivis shrugged once more. "It just seems like it would be nice." He smiled and looked to Toris. "Well, I'm ready…"

Toris quickly pulled his younger cousin into a hug. "I'll miss you."

"You've been good to me these past few years," Raivis told him. "I'm so thankful." He hugged him tightly. "I love you. I'll see you at your wedding, and I'll write to you when I reach Switzerland."

"I'll look forward to it," Toris said, sniffling.

After some heartfelt words and a tearful goodbye, Toris found himself alone in his apartment with Natalia. He looked over to her and didn't feel anything. No love. No lust. Just emptiness.

"I need a nap," he softly told her before going and wrapping himself in his blanket on his bed. Once there, he cried for everything that could have been if Lieutenant Ludwig Beilschmidt hadn't ruined his life.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, Toris walked out of his room to see Natalia sitting at the table with her arms crossed in a pout. He knew he was in trouble for ruining their night of planned intimacy, but at the time when the intimacy was to occur, he really didn't care. At the current moment, he knew he was a dead man if he didn't think of a reasonable excuse to give her for what he had done. Or would Natalia really understand?

"Toris, a word?" Natalia asked him, looking up at him. She nodded to the chair across from her at the table, waiting for him to sit down. "I feel like we need to talk about some things." Her blue eyes remained on Toris as he seated himself where she had nodded. "Are you keeping anything from me?"

"Why would you think something like that?" Toris asked her. "What would I have to keep from you?" He felt himself becoming nervous. Did she somehow know about Feliks? Who could have told her? Did Raivis come back and tip her off somehow?

"I just feel as if there's something you're not telling me," Natalia answered. "You know what last night was supposed to be for us, Toris." She frowned at him. "What was on your mind? Don't think I didn't hear you. Were you crying for only Raivis, or was there something more? Toris, we're getting married in a matter of months. You need to start telling me things."

"I know I do," Toris answered after swallowing. "How about I make it up to you?"

She stared him down. "How?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes challengingly. "I was ready last night, but you obviously weren't."

"I know I wasn't, Natalia," Toris began. "Allow me to make it up to you." He reached across the table and took her hands. "I will do anything you would like." His socked foot slowly inched its way up her leg. "The store doesn't open for another two hours," he hinted. "There's still plenty of time, my love."

Natalia's face turned bright red. "Toris!" she exclaimed, realizing what he meant. "You mean you want to now?" She hadn't been expecting that. In fact, she had been expecting him to send her home. Her heart pounded madly in her chest. "You really mean that?"

Toris got up from the table and moved over to her side before capturing her lips with his. "Natalia, from this day forth, will you be my lover?" he asked her between kisses.

She looped her arms around his shoulders. "Take me," she breathed.

He picked her up and carried her off to the bedroom without another word.

.

As the two laid in bed together after making love, something felt different to Toris than after he would make love to Feliks. Of course, the method had been different, but Natalia seemed experienced, as if she hadn't been a virgin before knowing Toris. It really made him wonder how many partners she had had before him.

"Something tells me that I'm not your first lover," Natalia softly said after a long silence between the two. She rested her head on Toris's chest.

"Well I get the same vibe from you," Toris answered, wrapping his arms around her.

Natalia shifted uncomfortably. "And if you're not mine?"

"I am okay with that," he softly said. "You're not mine either."

"His name was Ivan," Natalia slowly said. "He is Irunya's younger half-brother. He was in my dance class when we were younger. We didn't know what love was, not like what you and I have, Toris." She kissed Toris's collarbone. Please forgive me."

"You know you will always be forgiven," Toris assured her with a smile, snuggling her close. "Your secret is safe with me, Natalia."

She smiled and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and asking, "Who was she, Toris? Was she a Polish girl?"

Toris's heart sunk in his chest. "Yes," he finally said. "Her name was Sara. She was so in love with me."

"Did you love her back?" Natalia asked, a glint of jealousy detected in her eye by Toris.

He weighed everything out in his head before answering. His memories of those years spent with Feliks and the unending love shared between the two pulling him back into his mind. Toris almost didn't want to answer, but he knew that Natalia was expecting him to. "No," he finally said. "I didn't love her. I could never love anyone the way I love you, Natalia. You know that."

And with that response, he felt his heart shatter in his chest. If Raivis would have heard him, he knew that his cousin would have hated him for the rest of their lives.

.

Early December, 1941, Warsaw, Poland

Toris sat at the table, playing cards with Feliks while Raivis was out visiting Aldona, Lech, and their daughter. He winked at Feliks, who laughed and set his cards down, face down.

"What's that wink all about, Laurinaitis?" Feliks asked him, smiling brightly. "Is it because we're alone in the house for the first time in awhile? Well no frisky business tonight. I'm still a little sore from last night's adventure." He winked at his lover across the table and blew him a kiss.

"That's not what I'm winking about," Toris told him.

"Then would you like to let me in on the secret? Or is there just something in that big, blue eye of yours?" Feliks smirked at him and threw his hand of cards at him. "I'm tired of playing this. Let's do something else, Toris."

"Like what?" Toris asked, leaning back, not even caring that he had cards thrown at him. "You know, Christmas is in two weeks. What do you want?"

"You think there's something I actually want for Christmas?" Feliks scoffed. "There's nothing you could possibly get me." He smiled. "I already have the most perfect man in existence." His eyes met Toris's across the table. "What more could I want in this world than the perfect life that I already have? Toris Laurinaitis, I love you more than words can say. There is so much going for us, so much left in this world for us. We have everything. What makes you think I could possibly have a want for anything else? I'll tell you what you can do for me for Christmas. You can keep loving me forever."

"Forever and ever?" Toris asked.

"That's the deal."

"I don't know, that's a long time," Toris jokingly thought out loud.

Feliks threw more cards at him. "You're such an ass."

Toris laughed. "It's a deal. I'll love you, and only you, until the end of time. Is that a good enough Christmas present? I mean, I know it's not much, but-"

"It's perfect," Feliks answered, cutting him off.

"You think so?" Toris asked.

Feliks got up and threw himself at Toris. "Just shut up and kiss me!"

.

Late November, 1942, Ukrainian Border

Ever since that first morning, Toris and Natalia had been having random flings left and right behind her father's back. In all honesty, Toris was surprised that she wasn't pregnant like Irunya, yet he knew that she was careful, knowing that she had no desire to ever have children. She had made that perfectly clear to him.

Natalia sipped at some tea that Toris had made one morning after staying overnight with him, "sleeping in Raivis's old bedroom", of course. She had a pensive look in her eyes as she stared into the cup of golden brown liquid. "Toris," she softly said, "do you think we will ever be parents?"

Toris nearly spat out his tea. Why would she be asking something like that unless if something was up? "What do you mean, darling?" he asked her, eyes wide. "Why are you asking such a question?"

"I have been thinking about things a lot lately," she answered, looking up at him. "You know, maybe us having a baby further down the road wouldn't be that bad. Of course, it would be after we were married for a while." She smiled to herself. "Any child who was half you couldn't be too terrible, could it?" Natalia smiled into her tea as she took a sip. "My mind has been wandering a lot while Irunya has been preparing to have her baby is all."

The Lithuanian tried to calm his racing heart. "Are you sure that is all?" he asked her. "You don't think you're pregnant, do you?"

Natalia laughed. "Of course not," she told him with a smile. "I can already feel my menstrual cramps building up. I'm pretty regular when it comes to all of that, so it's on time. We have been playing it safe, Toris. There is no way that I am pregnant."

"And you're sure about that?" he inquired. "I really don't want your father to kill me, Natalia."

She laughed once more. "Oh, I am sure." Her hand reached across the countertop to his and grabbed it. "Everything will be just fine." Natalia's eyes lit up. "By the way, my father found us a house! He built it on the property he owns down the road from him! It was so sweet, he even built a small shack behind it for Irunya and her baby!"

"That was nice of him," Toris said, smiling widely. He wasn't sure how he felt about living down the road from his in-laws, but he had no choice. "I'm sure the house will be perfect."

"He built it with three bedrooms," Natalia sighed. "I guess he expects grandchildren." She rolled her eyes. "I told her he'll get them when we're ready."

Toris laughed nervously. "Thank you for that."

She winked at him. "No problem. Now, I have one question."

"What's that?" Toris asked.

"As you know, my mother passed not too long ago," she softly said. "I wanted to honor her memory and have a Jewish wedding. You know that she was Jewish, right?"

Toris nodded. "I do."

"But the only problem is that I don't know a thing about Jewish weddings. I mean, my mother raised me on Jewish principles like honoring the Sabbath and all of that, but I had never been to a Jewish wedding because we were the only Jews in the area when growing up." Natalia sighed. "What I'm asking is, would you, by any stroke of luck, happen to know anything about Jewish weddings?"

"Natalia," Toris slowly began, "are you forgetting that I'm from a Jewish family?" He laughed. "Of course I know what to do. Dalia wanted me to plan her wedding when she grew up because she always said I was good at planning things and…." His voice trailed off as he realized with horror that Dalia probably didn't even exist in anything but his memories anymore.

"Dalia?" Natalia asked, cocking her head to the side with curiosity. "Who is she?"

"No one," Toris quickly answered, shaking his head. He couldn't let himself think of his beautiful baby sister anymore. His eyes began to fill with tears anyway, nearly brimming over.

"She was obviously someone," Natalia answered. "And from your eyes, I could tell that she was someone special to you." She rubbed her fiance's forearm. "Toris, talk to me. Who is Dalia?"

Tears trickled down Toris's cheeks. "She's my baby sister," he finally answered once he found his voice again. "But I'm nearly certain that she is no more…"

Natalia jumped up from where she was and ran to Toris, embracing him in a lasting hug. "Toris, please don't think that way," she softly told him. "Believe that she is alive until you are given proof that she isn't. And we'll pray that you are never given any proof." She kissed his tear-stained cheeks. "The world is a cruel place, but you need to hang in there. Hold on to the beautiful things. Remember who she once was." Her head rested on his chest as she closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. "Though you have your whole future ahead of you now, don't ever forget where you came from."

Toris's arms circled around her. "I love you," he softly whispered to her. "I couldn't ever ask for anyone better than you." He kissed the top of her head. And at that moment, he truly meant it.

.

Early February, 1943, Ukrainian Border

Toris checked the mail one morning and his eyes widened. There was a letter addressed from Raivis, with Swiss postage even! He had actually made it to his destination! Toris was in shock, hands shaking with anticipation and joy and happiness as he ripped open the letter.

It read:

Dear Toris,

I am sorry that it took me so long to write this. I was very sick when I arrived in Switzerland, but I came across a kind family who took me in and nursed me back to health. Their names are Lilli and Vash Zwingli, and they are siblings. Lilli is my age, and Vash is about your age, I think. They are both wonderful people, and I couldn't ask for a better family to take me in.

I think I'm in love with Lilli. She is so beautiful. Vash doesn't like me as much as he used to ever since he caught me kissing Lilli one time. Even though he doesn't like me as much, I know he trusts me more than the other boys in the area. The reason I know that is because he is allowing me to bring Lilli to your wedding with me.

You know, I really hope things are going well for you and Natalia. I've done a lot of thinking about the two of you, and maybe she really is what you need to help you get over the loss of Feliks and to stop beating yourself up over it. Either way, I can't wait to see you at your wedding. Though we've gone longer without seeing each other, after all we've been through in the past few years together, it's been too long.

All my love,

Raivis

Toris's eyes widened. Raivis finally approved of Natalia? Did he really do that? He held the letter close to his heart and took some deep breaths. Everything about that letter was just what he had needed that day. It was the perfect way to start the morning off.

His mind then went to another part of the letter. Raivis had fallen in love, and with a girl in Switzerland named Lilli Zwingli. How wonderful! If he had never let Raivis go, that never could have happened. It made him happy to know that he had made the right choice. If he had listened to Natalia, Raivis wouldn't be nearly as happy as he was now.

Natalia walked into Toris's apartment about five minutes after Toris put the letter away. "Good morning," she greeted, hanging up her coat. Her eyes examined her fiance's expression. "Something good happened to you. What was it?"

"Nothing escapes your eye, does it?" he asked with a grin. He sat at the table and patted the spot next to him for her to sit.

She sat and smiled, excited to hear the news. "Nope. Not at all. So what is it?" Natalia leaned toward him. "I'm all ears."

"I got a letter from Raivis!" Toris excitedly said.

Natalia's eyes lit up. "Really?" she excitedly asked. "How is he doing? Please tell me he's well!"

"He's well!" Toris said. "He's coming to the wedding, and he's bringing his girl with him!"

Her eyes grew wide. "Raivis has a girl?" She put her hands over her mouth in excitement. "That's so exciting! I'm so happy for him! I can't wait to meet the lucky lady!"

He wanted to tell her that Raivis finally approved of her, but she didn't know that he never did, so he kept that little secret to himself. His heart was full and he couldn't be any happier than he was at that moment. Everything was finally falling into place, and things were finally going well for him. Things were finally good.

.

That night, Toris woke up to banging on his back door. He sighed and went down to open it. Natalia was staying over, and though she was heavy sleeper, he knew that it the banging kept up, she would soon awaken. That would not be good.

He opened to door to see a familiar pair of green eyes, now seeming almost tired, worn, and aged looking back at him. The once-beautiful blond mane was now matted and choppy, and the man's arms were mangled but still functional. Toris knew immediately who this person was, even if the person was malnourished and scrawny. The look on the person's face when looking at him told him immediately who it was.

"Is it really you?" Feliks asked, reaching a mangled hand out to touch Toris's cheek.

Toris nearly flinched away, but he couldn't bring himself to. "Feliks?" he softly asked. "How did you find me?"

"One of the soldiers who chased you said you came to Russia," Feliks answered. "I escaped and followed you here." He seemed out of breath. "I've been looking everywhere for you. All this time. I almost gave up, until I got a tip from someone the other day. They told me you worked at this store." His eyes looked down at his shoes, which had holes in them. "They also told me other things about you, like how you're engaged to your boss's daughter." He glared up at Toris. "What the fuck is up with that?!" he suddenly shouted. "You're engaged to me, Toris!"

Toris shushed Feliks. "I can explain!" he hissed. "Just please keep your voice down! People are sleeping!"

"She's up there, isn't she?" Feliks asked, gesturing toward the door, tears of hurt and betrayal in his eyes. "Do I just suddenly mean nothing to you anymore? Is that it? Do all of those years we spent together just suddenly mean nothing to you? All of those nights we spent together mean nothing now? I know things about you that she will never know!"

"Feliks, please," Toris pleaded. "Don't do this."

"I can do whatever I damn well please!" Feliks shouted. "You're not as loyal as you say you are, Toris Laurinaitis! You are unfaithful! You were supposed to be faithful to me, but the moment I was out of the picture, you jumped straight to the next person you saw! Tell me that's not fucking true! I dare you!"

Toris was at a loss for words. He wanted to tell Feliks that he had it all wrong, but the whole situation was so complicated that he couldn't. In his eyes, Feliks had every right to be yelling at him like that at that moment in time. "I didn't mean for it to be this way," he finally said.

"You got with her because you thought I was dead," Feliks growled at him. "Well guess what, I'm not! And look at this now! If she finds out about me, you probably won't have her! Then what will happen? You'll come crawling back to me, and what makes you think I'll take you back after you did this to me?"

The Lithuanian lowered his head. He couldn't even bring himself to look at his now-ex lover. "Feliks, I'm sorry."

"You think a simple 'I'm sorry' is going to heal me?" Feliks demanded. "I was fucking tortured because of what I did for you! An act of love! And this is what I get in return! No! Fuck you, Toris!"

The back door suddenly opened and Natalia peeked out. "Toris, what's going on? What's with all of the shouting?"

Feliks whipped around to face her. "So this is her, huh?" He turned to look at her, face turning to a smirk. "Pleased to meet you," he spat at her. "I'm Feliks, or maybe even Sara, depending on what stories he's told you." His green eyes fixed into a glare at Toris. "And you must be his fiancee." The word "fiancee" sounded as if it had pained him.

"Sara was a boy?" Natalia asked Toris, eyes widening in realization, looking at Toris as things clicked in her head. "Toris, what's going on? What all are you not telling me?" Her hand was inching toward her boot where she kept her dagger. "I swear to God, Toris, if you've been lying to me…"

.

Toris woke up in a cold sweat. He hated those nightmares about Feliks meeting Natalia. All he could hope was that the day that would happen would never come. His heart was racing in his chest as he bolted upright in bed and looked over at Natalia, who was still sleeping peacefully. At least one of them was able to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

March 12, 1942, Ukrainian Border

There was a knock at Toris's door late one evening. Natalia wasn't staying that night because she had family obligations. They were getting married in two days, so her family wanted her to stay with them until then, which Toris understood. All he could wonder was who would be at his door at this time of night? The sun had already gone down, and there was no way anyone in their right mind would come looking for him at this time normally. Perhaps Natalia had managed to sneak away from her family?

Either way, Toris went down to the door and opened it, feeling a chilling breeze as the cool air whipped his hair around. Yet he was surprised at who he found standing there.

Raivis stood at the door, looking healthier than ever, but he wasn't alone. There was a girl with him. She was a beautiful young girl with shoulder-length blonde hair and beautiful green eyes. Her pale cheeks turned a cherry red with blush when she laid eyes upon Toris. She quickly glanced away from him.

"It's been awhile, Toris," Raivis simply greeted. "How are things?"

Toris, overcome with every possible emotion he could ever feel at one moment, grabbed Raivis and held him close to him. Tears spilled from his eyes as he held his cousin tighter and tighter. No words needed to be said to express how much he had missed the other male. It was pretty clear through his actions.

"Please," Toris said once he had recovered, "come inside, both of you. It's cold out. Raivis, your bedroom is just as you left it." His voice choked with emotion as he mentioned Raivis leaving.

Raivis nodded and ushered the girl inside and up the stairs. "This is where I used to live when I was here in Russia," he told her. "It's actually not that bad. Toris and I enjoyed living here together. It was pretty fun. I mean, it wasn't as fun as living in Poland, per se, but it was still pretty fun."

Toris smiled as he watched Raivis show the girl around. He thought the two looked like a real couple. It made him happy. All he could hope was that Raivis would get his happy ending as well.

A sharp stab of guilt hit Toris for the first time in a long time. Was marrying Natalia really going to be his happy ending? What about Feliks? What if Feliks was still alive out there somewhere? What did that mean for Feliks's future?

"Excuse me," a soft voice said to Toris.

"Huh?" Toris blinked his eyes to see the girl staring at him with wide eyes.

"Are you all right?" she asked him. Her voice was lightly accented but very sweet sounding. It had a calming effect on the distressed Lithuanian man. "You seem to have grown pale. Perhaps you should sit, Toris."

Toris lowered himself into a chair and nodded. "Yes," he slowly agreed. "Perhaps I should, shouldn't I?"

The girl cast Raivis a concerned look. "Raivis?" she asked him.

Raivis walked over to Toris. "You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" he softly asked, lowering his voice so the girl couldn't hear. "It's okay to do that sometimes, Toris."

Toris shook his head. "No, Rai, you don't understand," he insisted, frowning. "I can't do that. I've been having nightmares lately. They're meeting in my nightmares, Feliks and Natalia." He didn't even bother to keep his voice down. "They meet in my nightmares, and Feliks tells Natalia everything."

"And you end up alone," Raivis finished, frowning. "Just remember that those are only nightmares, Toris. They aren't real."

"But they just seem like it," Toris insisted. "They seem so real…"

"But they're not," Raivis assured. He turned to the girl. "Could you do something for me, Lilli? In the kitchen, there is a cupboard above the sink. Could you get a cup out of there and fill it with water? I think Toris needs a drink."

The girl nodded and went to the kitchen, leaving the two men alone with each other.

Raivis looked Toris in the eyes. "Toris, are you sure that you want to go through with this on Saturday?" he asked his cousin. "There's still time to back out if you think that's what's best."

"But it's not what's best," Toris sighed, shaking his head. "That's the problem. Natalia and her entire family will murder me if I back out. And besides, I love Natalia. I'm certain of it. It's just that I know that I'll always love Feliks as well…"

"That sounds rough," Raivis commented as the girl came back and handed him the glass of water. "Thanks, Lilli." He smiled up at the girl, who sweetly smiled back. "Oh yeah, I have yet to introduce you two." Raivis blushed and handed Toris the water. "Toris, I'd like you to meet Lilli Zwingli. I live with her and her brother Vash in Switzerland now. They're great people."

The older cousin took the water and gratefully drank it. "Thank you," he said, smiling at them. "And I'm pleased to meet you, Lilli. My name is Toris Laurinaitis. I'm Raivis's mother's cousin. I'm glad to hear that Raivis is safe with you and your brother. It will help me sleep at night, I assure you."

Lilli smiled at him. "We enjoy having Raivis around. He is a great help around the house. I enjoy having someone to talk to other than Vash all the time. My brother is not the most talkative person on this earth." She blushed. "Raivis talks about you a lot. He tells me stories of your adventures in Poland with your friend Sara."

Toris smiled. "Yes, Sara was an amazing girl," he told her. "She always knew just what to do to cheer us up, didn't she, Raivis?"

Raivis sadly nodded. "She really did."

"I was sad when I heard what became of her, and I am truly sorry for your loss," Lilli said, a sincere frown on her face. "But now you love again, and I am so happy to hear about that." Her frown turned to a smile. "Love is a beautiful thing, don't you think? It changes who we are from the inside out and makes us much more than we ever thought we could be."

"Thank you, Lilli," Toris said, smiling at her. "You are wise for your age. I appreciate your kind words upon arrival."

"That's Lilli for you," Raivis said with a wide smile. "She is, beyond any doubt, the sweetest girl to ever exist." He blushed as he looked over at Lilli to see her smiling sweetly at him. His eyes quickly averted to something else. "You know, I've never really known what it was like to be in love until I met Lilli," he admitted, "but now I'm a prisoner to my own love for her."

"You make that sound like it's a bad thing to be in love with me," Lilli giggled to him. She looked down at her shoes. "Toris, I'm glad that you've been able to have different experiences with love," she told the older man. "I'm glad that you know what it's like to truly be in love with someone. Not many people do these days." She smiled and looked from Toris to Raivis. "I'm glad that I get to be here to see you marry the woman whom you love."

Toris looked to Raivis and smiled at him. "Seriously, Raivis, she's wonderful," he told her. "I'm so glad you found your perfect match."

"If only things were that easy," Lilli sighed, seating herself down on the chair next to Toris. She frowned, which did not suit her features well at all. "You see, my brother wants me to marry a man who has a stable career. He doesn't want me to marry for love, because 'love will not take care of you in the end'."

"Whether that's a valid point or not, that still doesn't give him a right to excuse your happiness from it all," Toris sighed.

"That's why I'm going to work as much as I can to prove myself to Vash," Raivis told him. "I'm going to make sure that Vash knows I intend to marry Lilli. I will take care of her and protect her from any harm that will ever come her way." He placed his hands on the back of Lilli's chair. "Because that is what Sara taught me to do in the last few moments that I saw her. When you truly love someone, you don't ever give up."

.

That night, as Toris laid in bed, he thought a lot about what Toris said about not giving up on the one you love. He truly loved Feliks, but he knew that Feliks was dead. Deep down, he just knew it. But why didn't he want to believe it?

It wasn't like there was any way the Feliks could have survived those nasty Germans. They would have never let someone like him live. That much was true. But somewhere, deep inside Toris, he wondered if Feliks really was alive and on his way to Russia to find him.

Just the thought of that terrified the Lithuanian man. He would be too ashamed of himself to even look Feliks in the eye, let alone talk to him. His anxiety rose every time he even thought of being within reaching distance of his former lover.

What would Feliks say if he knew Toris was to be married in two days? What would Feliks do to know the truth about what Toris had been saying to Natalia about who he had loved? Would Feliks ever forgive Toris for his utter betrayal?

Toris, unable to think about such things anymore, finally fell into a fitful sleep, hoping only that the morning light would be enough to wake him from it, because he knew he'd dream of Feliks.

.

The next morning, Toris woke to the sound of a high-pitched shriek. He ran out of his bedroom to see Natalia pointing her dagger at Lilli, a furious expression on her face. His heart skipped a beat. He had forgotten that Natalia had a key to the apartment as well.

Natalia's piercing blue gaze turned to Toris, never once lowering the knife. "Who is she?" she demanded, words spitting out of her mouth like venom.

"You have it all wrong, Natalia!" Toris quickly said, walking over to her. "Please, put that dagger down. Lilli is here with Raivis."

"Raivis is here?" Natalia slowly asked, piercing gaze slowly dulling. "Where is he then? If he's really here, then why is he leaving the girl he brought with him unattended?" She glared hard at Toris. "You had better not be lying to me, Toris!"

"He's not lying to you," Raivis said, running up the stairs. "Now put that knife down before you hurt someone!" He ran to Lilli and hugged her as she burst into tears in his arms. "Natalia, you can't just pull knives on random people like that, no matter what you think the situation is." His hands rubbed Lilli's back comfortingly. "Please don't do that again."

Natalia lowered the dagger and put it back in her boot. She looked to the floor. "I apologize," she slowly said, not used to ever really apologizing to women much. "I just thought…" Her voice trailed off. "You know, it doesn't matter what I thought. I was in the wrong, and I hope you can forgive me."

Raivis's eyes widened. He was impressed at how much Natalia had changed since he had first met her. Had that been the work of Toris?

"You are forgiven," Lilli softly said, pulling away from Raivis. "You just scared me is all. I'm sorry that we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Lilli Zwingli, and I am here with Raivis to attend you wedding. I hope I am still welcome to attend."

"You are still welcome," Natalia quickly said with a nod. "I'm Natalia Arlovskaya. But that won't be my name for much longer. It will soon be Natalia Laurinaitis." She half-smiled as she said that, liking the way it rolled off of her tongue. "Again, I apologize for being rash. It won't happen again."

Toris walked over to Natalia and kissed her cheek. "It's good to see you this morning," he greeted. "What brings you here?"

"Well I figured I would come and surprise you," Natalia answered. "But it turns out I was the one who was surprised." She blushed. "Either way, I can't stay too long. I just wanted to wish you a good day and tell you that I can't wait until tomorrow."

"Well neither can I," Toris answered, smiling at her.

Natalia nodded to him and kissed him quickly. "I'll get going now. I'll see you all tomorrow." She awkwardly waved and headed toward the door.

Toris followed her down the stairs. "Let me walk you out," he said. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, why?" Natalia asked. "If you're asking about what just happened, I just reacted weird because I thought you were cheating, okay?" She huffed as she reached the bottom of the stairs and turned to him. "I'm sorry. I just have trust issues."

"It's okay," Toris said. "But you can trust me."

She smiled at him. "I know. You would never lie to me about anything." Her lips pressed to his. "Thank you for being a wonderful, honest man, Toris. I love you." With that, she left the apartment.

Toris stood there for a moment, thinking about what she had said. That wasn't the first time he had been called an honest man, and he knew he wasn't an honest man either. His stomach sunk as he remembered who had last called him one. It was Lieutenant Beilschmidt…

.

Raivis managed to calm the shaken Lilli in record time. He just hoped that Natalia wouldn't been seen again until the wedding. She wasn't too high on the list of people he really wanted to see at that point in time.

"Please don't tell Vash about this," he begged Lilli as Toris walked back up the stairs into the apartment. "Your brother will seriously kill me."

Lilli shook her head. "I won't," she softly said. "It was just really scary. I hope something like that doesn't happen again…"

"It won't," Toris assured. "She is truly sorry. She told me while we were down by the door." He yawned and wandered into the kitchen, Raivis hot on his heels.

"Did she really say that, or are you just trying to make Lilli feel better?" Raivis hissed. "I don't want you lying to Lilli, or she'll think I'm a liar, too."

Toris blinked in surprise. Since when had Raivis become so bold? Was that something that had come with the traveling on his own? "Okay, so maybe she didn't say exactly that, but you heard how sorry she was."

Raivis glared at Toris. "Don't lie to Lilli," he warned, pointing at his cousin. "It's not fair to her. You've lied to everyone else, and I'll be damned if you lie to someone as pure and honest as my Lilli."

Again, Toris blinked in surprise. "I won't then," he said. "I have never seen you care for someone this much. It almost reminds me of the way Feliks used to be." He got a fond smile on his face as he remembered his former lover. "If there was one thing Feliks hated, it was when I was dishonest with anyone but the Germans."

Raivis went quiet for a moment. "How often do you think of him, Toris?"

"What do you mean?" the older man asked.

"How often do you think of Feliks? It's not that hard of a question. I'll answer it even. I think of him daily. I will never forget everything he did for me. I hope you never forget it either." Raivis was quiet for a moment. "Forgetting him is like forgetting everything we ever knew. Feliks taught us to live in this terrifying hell we call war. Let's never forget that."

Toris stayed quiet for nearly a minute. "I could never forget him, no matter how hard I could try. I don't want to forget him. I loved him, Raivis. Hell, I still love him. There's nothing I can do about it, either. I will always love him." He attempted to swallow the lump forming in his throat. "Oh, God, how I loved him…"

"And you're sure you want to marry another?" Raivis asked. "There's still a chance that Feliks is-"

"Feliks is dead!" Toris suddenly shouted, startling Raivis, who would have started trembling had he been younger. "He's never coming back! I have to keep telling myself that to justify what I'm doing tomorrow! If I don't, I'll never be able to live with myself!"

Raivis took a step back. "If that's what you think is right," was all he said before exiting the kitchen.

Toris stood in there, placing both hands on the countertop to balance himself. He knew he shouldn't have blown up on Raivis like that, but what else could he have done. If Raivis hadn't left, he still would have had someone to talk about Feliks to.

.

That night as Toris laid in bed, he could hear a voice softly humming to him in his head. It sounded vaguely familiar, but where had he heard it before. It was far off in his memories, a feminine voice.

"Dalia?" he softly asked, closing his eyes.

"Oh, so now you'll listen?" he heard his sister's soft voice ask. "You must've gone through hell to finally turn back to what you've always known."

"Please don't say that," Toris pleaded. "Where are you? Are you well?"

"I guess you could say that," Dalia answered. "Mama, Papa, and I are safe now. Nothing will ever harm us again."

"No," Toris softly said. "No, Dalia, please don't be gone."

She giggled. "What makes you suddenly care about my well-being, Toris? It's been all about you for the past three years, hasn't it? Why do I suddenly matter?"

"Tell me one thing," Toris pleaded. "Is Feliks with you?"

"Your friend from Poland?" Dalia asked. "I haven't seen him around here. But that doesn't mean he isn't. Then again, how can you even prove that it's really even me talking to you? How can you prove this isn't one of your nightmares you've been having lately?"

"Because you're my baby sister, and I love you," Toris softly answered. "And I would never have a nightmare about my baby sister, Dalia."

"Naive as always, Toris," Dalia softly said. "It's just too bad that you're dreaming all of this."

"Please no," Toris said. "Dalia, please! Dalia!"

.

"Toris, please wake up!" Raivis pleaded, shaking him.

The Lithuanian man's eyes flew open and he saw Raivis standing over his bed, pale and worried. "What's going on?" he asked, looking all around him.

"You've been shouting for your sister for the past five minutes," Raivis answered. "You woke up Lilli, and she woke me up. What's going on? Do you want to talk about it?"

Toris curled up into fetal position. "No," he quietly answered. "It's not like anyone would understand anyway…"

He knew that Raivis wouldn't understand the nightmares he had been having. Were they all messages from God? What did they even mean? Was his family really dead? Was Feliks dead? What did any of it really mean?


	19. Chapter 19

The wedding went by too quickly for Toris's taste. Everything seemed to happen in a flash, and everything was over before he knew it. It all happened within the blink of an eye. The only thing he remembered was Raivis's smiling face as he said goodbye and that they would meet again, perhaps at his own wedding.

Toris didn't want to say goodbye to his young cousin once more, but he did the day after his wedding. He was left so distraught once more, but he knew they would meet again. They were bound to. He just wished that Raivis would tell him how they were getting back to Switzerland, but Raivis chose to keep it a secret.

As he walked into the small house he shared with Natalia, Toris smiled. This was what he had truly wanted all his life, and now he had it. If only his mother could see him now. She would be so proud to know that he had married a Jewish woman. That was all he wanted, was to make his parents proud in the end.

"Toris," Natalia called in a sing-song voice from their bedroom. "Could you come here, please?"

He immediately went to their bedroom to find a naked Natalia sprawled out over their blanket on their bed. "N-Natalia!" he exclaimed. "This early in the morning, and you're already ready for this?"

She nodded, winking at him. "Now come and satisfy me," she eagerly commanded.

Toris didn't need to be told twice as he hurried to rid himself of his clothes to take care of his and his new wife's needs. This time, there were no thoughts of Feliks protruding into his mind. All that was on his mind was Natalia.

.

Two Days Later

Toris would never forget the day his neighbor, Irunya's, dreams came true. Ever since she had given birth a few months before, she had been dreaming for the baby's father to return to her. Natalia had been trying to get her to realize that Captain Matthew Williams of the American military was never coming back, but Irunya just wouldn't listen, having named the baby Vladyslav Matthew Williams after him.

Toris went to visit Natalia at work that morning when the jingling of the bell above the door went off. Natalia had looked up and dropped the pot of coffee that she was pouring for Toris. The pot shattered all over the floor.

Toris looked over to see who she had seen and sat that it was none other than Captain Williams himself. He stood and walked over to Matt. "It has been awhile, Captain Williams," he nervously said, cautious of Natalia's behavior as she went to clean up the coffee pot mess. "Look, I think we should go for a bit and catch up. I don't think we should be here, rather you than me." His nerves were nearly shot as he could hear Natalia cursing in Russian.

"Where's Irunya?" Matthew asked him, confused.

"She doesn't work here anymore," Toris softly said. He ushered the captain out of the restaurant. "Now come with me, we have to go or Natalia will become more angry."

"I don't understand," Matt said. "Is she mad at me?" Oh, how innocent his mind seemed to be.

"She's beyond mad, Matthew," Toris said, looking away. "She believes that you ruined Irunya's life." How could he explain without giving too much away?

"Ruined her life?" Matt softly asked. "How did I do that?" He began to panic. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I ruined her life. I can't do it. How did I ruin her life, Toris? I need to know. I can't stand it if I ruined her life. She deserves and amazing life."

Toris bit his lip. "I can't tell you too much," he said. "But she's not the same woman you met a year ago. She's very different and won't let anyone help her. She was disowned by her family six months ago and now lives in a shack on my property."

"You own land here?" Matt asked him, raising his eyebrows with interest.

Toris smiled with pride. "Of course. My wife and I would have to live somewhere, right?" He smiled and showed Matt the gold ring on his right hand. "Natalia and I got married five months ago. She is the most wonderful woman I've ever come across in my life. I've never loved another woman the way I love her." Liar! his mind hissed at him. He couldn't understand why he was lying about how long he had been married to Natalia, but something in his mind told him to.

Matt smiled. "I'm glad you found someone like her, Toris." He thought for a moment. "Where's Raivis? How's he doing?"

"I got a letter from him recently," Toris answered. "He left back in November. He ended up in Switzerland, of all places." He smiled. "But I'm glad that he's happy. He met a girl named Lilli that he is in love with. I'm glad that he has someone. He's the age I was when I fell in love for the first time." Liar! his mind hissed once more. You know he was just here, Toris! Why aren't you telling Matt the truth?!

Matt smiled. "I'm glad that he is well, too." He sighed. "I know this is a long shot, but could you please take me to Irunya?"

Toris thought for a moment. "It may be only a quick visit. I mean, it's not like she has a job, but if Natalia finds out, she'll be furious with me…"

"Why doesn't she have a job?" the Captain asked.

"No place would hire someone like her," the brunet answered solemnly. "So we help support her as best as we can. It just gets hard sometimes. Especially in winter. In all honesty, we were hoping that you would return soon."

"Why is that?" he asked.

"We've needed you badly," Toris answered. "She's starting to lose hope. The war just won't end fast enough. She needs you. Also, maybe you can help support her. That may help calm Natalia's nerves and make her less furious with you."

"I honestly don't care what Natalia thinks of me," Matt answered. "I just want to see my Irunya." He sighed. "She's all I can think about, all I dream of."

"She may not be the same Irunya you remember," Toris warned, "but I'll take you to her."

He watched Matt's face contort in confusion, but he couldn't explain any further than that. He had to leave Vladyslav a secret. Irunya would kill him if he shared that secret with Matt before she could!

.

Toris decided to stay in his house while the two were reunited. It was only fair, seeing as they hadn't seen each other in a year. He could only hope that things would go well for the two. That was all he wanted for them. Besides, he knew Natalia was going to kill him when she got home.

He decided to enjoy his last few hours of life while she was at work, yet his mind wouldn't let him. Seeing Matt brought back so many memories, like how he had met the young Captain. He didn't want to think about it, but his mind betrayed him anyway.

Soon, he fell into a fitful slumber.

.

Early January, 1942, Warsaw, Poland

Feliks hummed to himself as he made dinner in the kitchen. He was making Toris's favorite, the first meal they had ever eaten together. He hoped that Toris remembered that little fact. His smiled could barely fit on his face. Everything had to be perfect.

His humming stopped as he heard footsteps coming toward the kitchen. He hoped they were from Raivis and not his love. He had wanted the dinner to be a surprise to Toris. His hand froze over the stove as he waited for the person to enter the kitchen, peeking out of the corner of his eye to see who it was.

Raivis walked into the kitchen. "What are you making, Feliks?" he asked, smiling. "Whatever it is, it smells delicious!" He licked his lips and sat at the table.

"I'm making a very special dish," Feliks explained. He winked at Raivis. "It's Toris's favorite. Don't tell him I'm making it, though. I want it to be a surprise." His smile was what sealed the deal for the Latvian boy. "I like surprising you two. It's always so fun!"

Raivis grinned. "You're always so kind to us," he told him. "I never even know how to even repay you."

"Family doesn't speak of repayment," the Polish boy laughed. "I thought you knew that. There's no debt when you're family. You never have to pay anyone back."

"Family?" Raivis asked, smile growing wider. "Yeah. We are family, aren't we?"

Feliks turned to face him. "What did you think we were?" he asked, smiling widely. "Of course we're family, Raivis. Me, you, and Toris have created our own little family here in Poland. And nothing will ever change that. We'll always be a family."

"I'm glad," the Latvian boy answered. "I like this."

"Me too," Feliks answered, turning back to the stove.

It was then that Toris walked into the kitchen. "Good evening," he greeted the other two. "What smells so amazing?"

Feliks's eyes widened. "Toris!" he exclaimed. "You weren't supposed to come in here yet!"

"Why not?" Toris chuckled, walking over to Feliks. He slipped an arm around his lover's waist, not caring that Raivis was in the room. "What are you scheming?"

"I'm not scheming anything," Feliks flatly stated. "I was going to surprise you, but now I see that it's ruined now."

"I can pretend to be surprised?" the Lithuanian suggested.

"It's not the same," the blond sighed. He pouted up at Toris. "Now what do you suggest to make it better?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly!" Feliks groaned. "But at least it's your favorite."

Toris grinned at his lover. "Exactly is right," he agreed. He smiled at Feliks. "You know, not everything has to be a surprise."

"But surprises are fun," Feliks reminded.

"There are plenty of other ways to have fun as well."

"Not in front of the child!" the blond hissed, discreetly gesturing to Raivis. His eyes darting toward the Latvian boy, who didn't seem to be paying the slightest bit of attention. "He's still growing up!"

Toris laughed. "Then later?"

Feliks felt his face growing hot, though he blamed being so close to the stove for it. "Okay," he agreed. "We can settle all of this later."

.

Later that night, Feliks waited for Toris in their bedroom. He was anxious for whatever Toris had in store. If anyone could keep a secret about a surprise that was planned, it was Toris, but it was only if he was the one planning the surprise. Feliks felt the anticipation building up inside of him like a flood of water over a dam.

What did Toris have planned? Was it something romantic? Something sexual? Feliks couldn't even begin to imagine what it could possibly be! He hoped it was something that would definitely make everything worth his time. He also hoped that it was something that would make all of this anticipation worth it.

Toris finally entered their bedroom and closed the door after him. "Sorry, I had to make sure Raivis was asleep," he softly said.

Feliks's eyes widened. So it was something sexual or romantic. It had been too long since they had done something like this. His heart began to race with the anticipation. When would it happen? How would it happen? What would happen?

The Lithuanian man walked over to Feliks and brushed a lock of blond hair behind his ear before whispering into it, "You know how irresistible you are, right? Every day, I wish I could do certain things to you, but I have to hold myself back."

Feliks played along. "Do you have to now?" he whispered back.

Toris bit back a groan of desire. "Do you want me to?" he lowly asked.

The Polish man shook his head. "I've been waiting for you," he answered. "But on one condition."

"And what's that?" Toris asked, a smile playing on his lips.

"It's that you love me, and only me, forever."

"Deal," Toris answered before leaning in and kissing his lover.

.

May, 1945, Ukrainian Border

Toris was more than overjoyed to know that the war had ended, but he was also glad that it was finally warming up outside. That meant he could finally start doing the work outside that Natalia had been harping at him to do all winter.

He also wanted to get away from Natalia and her raging hormones. It was true, Natalia was now pregnant with their first child, who was due within a matter of months. Toris had never felt more busy in his life, preparing his home for a new baby and making sure that Natalia was comfortable at all times. It was rough.

On nicer days, he would go outside and work on the house, knowing that Natalia would relax inside with her feet up. He knew that she hated walking around because her feet and ankles would begin to swell because of pregnancy. She would usually take out her bad moods on Toris whenever he was around, so he tried not to be around as much as he could help it, as bad as that sounded.

Instead of going inside of his own home to take breaks, Toris would go to the shack in his backyard to see Irunya and her two children, Vladyslav and Olivia. Matthew had gone back to America after the war ended to prepare a home for all of them, swearing he would come back. Now it was just a waiting game for Irunya and the kids.

Toris found himself lost in his thoughts as he worked outside. He kept imagining that he'd see people walking up the road. Every now and then, he would see someone coming, someone who looked malnourished. He could only guess that they had shared the same fate as his family and Feliks.

It was only after the war that he had heard of the camps. They had sounded awful, and he knew that he had just barely dodged being sent to one. He knew that he was lucky, but he couldn't help but wonder if Feliks had been sent to one or not. It hurt to wonder.

One fateful day, as Toris worked outside, a man came staggering up the path. His arms were mangled, as if they had been broken and never healed correctly, but everything else seemed just fine about him, except for the fact that he was sickly thin.

The man had long, blond hair and green eyes that had once held so much life. Those green eyes now only held the weight of what only three years in a camp had done to him. He froze when he saw Toris outside. Could it really be him? Was his searching finally over?

"Toris!" the Lithuanian man heard a vaguely familiar voice call out to him. "Please tell me it's you! Tell me it's not a dream!"

He looked to where the voice was coming from and saw the man with the mangled arms stumbling toward him. His breath caught in his lungs. He knew that voice anywhere! It was the voice that shrouded his memories and nightmares! Was it really Feliks calling out to him?

Toris stood up from weeding the garden that Natalia insisted he should plant. "Feliks?" he softly asked, knowing the other man couldn't hear him. He blinked twice to make sure the man was really there. Sure enough, the man never once disappeared. It was really him!

The Lithuanian man began running toward him, forgetting everything in his home, everything that had happened in the past three years. All he wanted was to see Feliks up close and in person once more. That was everything he had truly dreamed of after thinking Feliks was dead.

"Feliks!" he shouted, running to him.

A large smile graced the face of the man who had forgotten how to smile over the last couple of years. "Toris!" He picked up his pace.

When the two met, Toris wrapped his arms tightly around his former lover, burying his face in his hair. Tears streamed down the cheeks of both men, but neither of them cared. There was no one around to see anyway. All that mattered to either of them was that they were finally together again. After all these years, Feliks really was alive.

Feliks began to cough violently and Toris moved away quickly, worried that he had caused it from hugging him too tightly.

"You're sick," Toris observed with a frown.

"I've been sick for a long time," Feliks sadly answered. He frowned and coughed violently into his hand, flecks of blood eventually splattering the pale skin. His green eyes looked up at Toris. "I can't believe I actually found you at last."

"How did you know where to look?" the Lithuanian asked him.

"A military official tipped me off a long while back," the Polish man answered. His eyes then looked over Toris and then rested on his right hand and the gold band on it. "You're married." And just like that, the joyous mood was gone. "I thought that…." His voice trailed off. "It doesn't matter anymore."

"You thought that what?" Toris asked, eyes widening as he hid his right hand behind his back. He studied Feliks's hurt look with his blue eyes. "Feliks, talk to me."

"I thought we were supposed to be together," Feliks answered, hurt. "What ever happened to that? Did you just meet someone here and replace me or something?"

Toris gulped. This was the conversation he never wanted to have with him. "Feliks, it's not like that…"

"Then what's it like?" Feliks demanded, eyes now holding fire in them. "I waited for three fucking years to finally be reunited with you, and it turns out you gave your heart to another. Great. That's just great, Toris."

The Lithuanian sighed. "Feliks, please. It's not like that."

A shout was then heard from the house that Toris had forgotten all about. "Toris Laurinaitis, where are you?!" Natalia shouted.

Toris froze. "Would you like to come in?"

"And meet your wife?" The way Feliks said "wife" made it seem as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Feliks scoffed. "No thanks."

"Please don't be that way," Toris begged. "I don't want to remember you that way."

That made Feliks pause. "Then how the fuck did you plan on remembering me? Because marrying someone else sure doesn't make me feel remembered, you asshole!"

"Look, it's just that-"

Natalia stood on the front porch, hands on her hips. "Toris, if you're going to talk to friends, at least bring them inside! Do you know how fucking cold it is out here?! Where are your manners?! He looks hungry!"

Toris shrugged helplessly to Feliks. "Care to join us for dinner?"

Feliks glared at him. "You're lucky I've waited this long to see you," he said before he began walking toward Toris's house.

The Lithuanian took that as a yes, but he began to grow nervous at the idea of Feliks and Natalia under the same roof. He just hoped that Feliks could behave himself...


	20. Chapter 20

Toris caught up to Feliks halfway to the house, never once taking his eyes off of Natalia. "Listen, Feliks, I don't know if you'll get along with Natalia," he began, trying to cushion the blow.

"Oh, I know I won't get along with her," Feliks growled at him. "After all, she's the one who stole you from me. I hate her already." His green eyes flicked over to Toris. They still had that biting edge to them that they always had whenever they had fought years before. Only this time, Toris felt that making up with Feliks was going to be hard. "You don't have to worry about me not being on my best behavior, though. I'll remember my manners as long as you remembered yours the past few years."

The Lithuanian gulped, not even wanting to know what that meant. They had reached Natalia and he stood by her side and gestured to Feliks. "Natalia, this is my friend Feliks," he said, gesturing to the Polish man. "Feliks, I would like you to meet my wife, Natalia." Toris tried to ignore the way Feliks winced at the word "wife".

"I'm pleased to meet you, Feliks," Natalia said, sticking her hand out. Only once she saw him this close up did she notice how thin and sickly-looking Feliks really was. She tried to hide her frown. "I believe Toris has mentioned you before. You're the one he lived with in Poland, correct?"

"That's correct," Feliks answered with a nod. Oh, how his heart ached to tell Natalia the truth of what their living situation really was so he could just take Toris back for himself. Though Toris had broken his heart by marrying another, all he wanted was Toris back. At least until his days were up.

"Thank you for taking care of my love," Natalia said, smiling at Feliks. Her smile then drifted over to Toris. "If it wasn't for you, I doubt Toris would even be here now."

"If it wasn't for Toris, I doubt I'd even be here," Feliks softly said. It was the honest truth. The only reason he hadn't given up and thrown in the towel in that camp was because he was certain he'd see Toris again one day. He just didn't expect it to be like this. Anything but this. His heart ached as he stood there with the "happy couple". He didn't know how much more of it he could honestly take. "Maybe I should go…"

"Nonsense," Toris quickly said. "You just got here." He put a hand on Feliks's shoulder, causing the Polish man to look up at him. "Please join us for dinner and stay in our guest bedroom tonight."

Feliks looked up at him with wide eyes. "You want me to stay with you tonight?" he asked in disbelief. Of all things….

"Where else would you stay?" Natalia asked him. She placed a hand on her large, pregnant stomach. "Please, I insist. Toris doesn't get much social interaction other than myself. It would be nice for him to spend time with an old friend."

If only you know, you stupid bitch, Feliks thought to himself. He simply nodded and shivered as a gust of wind hit him. His clothes were too thin to really block it. "Is there any possible way we could go inside?" he asked. "It's terribly cold out here."

"Of course," Toris said. He opened the front door and Natalia walked in, followed by Feliks. "You're scheming, aren't you?" he whispered in the Polish man's ear.

"What does it matter?" Feliks miserably asked. "I've already lost everything. There's nothing left for me to lose anyway."

"But there's a lot for me to lose," Toris reminded.

Feliks whirled around on him as Natalia kept on walking toward the kitchen. "What do I care what you have to lose?!" he snarled at him in a low voice. "You should have never had it in the first place, Toris!" He stuck a mangled finger in Toris's face. "If things would have gone the way they should have, I would have been the one in that kitchen, not her. Don't you get that?" Tears welled up in his eyes. "Or am I the only one who thinks about all of this?"

"You're not the only one," Toris admitted. "But I can't afford to think about any of that anymore." He tried to swallow the lump that was building up in his throat. "Feliks, it's hard for me, too."

Feliks fixed Toris with a hard glare. "Then fucking act like it," he growled before going to sit at the table in the dining room.

Toris sighed. He knew for a fact that this was going to be the longest, most stressful dinner of his life. What did he do to deserve this?

.

Feliks sat next to Toris at the table, while Natalia sat across from them. Throughout the meal, Feliks's legs kept bumping into Toris's, which was building up a lot of tension between the two. But what really got the tension going was when Feliks finished eating before Toris and Natalia and his hands went beneath the table. One hand was in his own lap, and the other was in Toris's lap, just like they used to be whenever they ate at Feliks's house.

Toris had to fight back the blush in his cheeks when Feliks placed his hand on his upper thigh. All of the tension that had built up between the two had suddenly become sexual tension, and he hoped that Natalia couldn't feel it from where she was sitting. His heart began to race as they sat there together. It suddenly felt as if they were the only two in the room. That wasn't good. He had to mentally remind himself that Natalia was there, even if he had to awkwardly stare at her to do so.

"Toris, is something wrong?" Natalia asked him, cocking an eyebrow up.

"Nothing at all," Toris answered. "I'm just spacing off is all. I apologize." He ignored Feliks's snicker that was hidden by a cough. His eyes flicked over to his former lover and he frowned, seeing that Feliks had gone into a full-blown coughing fit once again.

Blood spattered Feliks's hand as he pulled it away from his mouth. "I'm fine," he snapped at Toris when he saw the other man's look of concern. The look he gave Toris said, "Don't worry about me, because I'm not your fucking problem anymore."

Toris felt his heart breaking for Feliks. How could he have been so cruel and married another? Why didn't he wait for Feliks? Then again, he really did love Natalia. That was honestly the truth. Why was he so stuck in this hellish nightmare?

Natalia scooted back in her chair. "Toris, I'm feeling a bit tired tonight," she said. "Would you mind cleaning up while I head to bed? I don't mind how late you come to bed. Please take the time to catch up with Feliks. Lord knows you both need it." She smiled at Feliks as she stood. "Goodnight, Feliks. Please sleep well tonight." Her lips met Toris's. "Goodnight, Toris. I will see you both in the morning." And with that, she went off to the master bedroom and closed the door.

Feliks crossed his arms in a pout. "You really do have everything, don't you?" he grumbled. His eyes held a hurt expression in them as he tried to ignore the hidden emotions that he had tried so hard to suppress for the past few hours. "And here I have nothing."

"Please don't be this way," Toris begged him. "I can't take it." He reached over and grabbed Feliks's hand, which was so beaten and battered. His fingers has obviously been broken multiple times and had never healed correctly. "I've been wanting to hear that you're alive for years. And now that it's finally true, and I know that you're alive, you act this way toward me?"

"Maybe you shouldn't have married someone when you were supposed to be mine," Feliks scoffed at him. "This is your fault that I'm acting this way. Why didn't you just wait for me and love me and only me, Toris? Was it that hard to just wait? Or were you dying for someone who could actually continue the Laurinaitis bloodline? Was that it?" He sighed and put his head in his hands. "You have no idea how much I slaved these past few years, how many times I looked death in the face, only to find that you love another." His eyes brimmed over with tears as he looked up at the man he loved. "It's not fair, Toris. It's just not fair."

Toris, not knowing what else to do, wrapped his arms around Feliks and held him close. "I'm sorry," he softly said. "I didn't mean for things to be this way."

"Then what exactly did you mean?" the Polish man angrily demanded. "Did you want me to be dead or something?" He couldn't contain his hurt any longer. "That's it, wasn't it? You wanted me to be dead to kill your guilt over marrying someone else, right?" His hands balled into fists as he swung at Toris.

The Lithuanian man caught the fist flying toward him. "Feliks, please," he softly said. "It's not like that."

"Then enlighten me," Feliks snarled at him. "What's it like?" He was breathing so heavily that Toris could hear the congestion in his lungs and wonder how sick his former lover really was. "What makes you think you can just forget about me and marry another?"

"Please calm down," Toris pleaded. "It's not good for your health."

"Don't harp at me about my health," the other snarled at him. "Does it look like I give a damn about my health right now?"

Toris knew how this fight would have been settled had they still been in Poland all this time. He would just take Feliks in his arms and kiss him to shut him up, but that was something he couldn't do without risk of Natalia waking up and catching him. Though he wanted to feel his former lover's lips on his once more, even if it was just for old time's sake.

Feliks looked up at him with curious eyes for a moment. "What are you thinking about?" he softly asked, feeling caught off guard for the first time that night. "I can tell that you're thinking about something in the past. You have a distant look in your eyes."

The Lithuanian man was shocked. Not even Natalia had been able to notice things like that. His heart suddenly felt as if it weighed a thousand tons. He really should be with Feliks…

"You're thinking about us, aren't you?" Feliks finally asked, voice soft and low. "I think about us all the time. At least, what we used to be, and what I had hoped we would still be today." He was quiet for a moment. "Don't you love me anymore?" His green eyes held years of heartache and hopelessness in them as he looked up at Toris. "I've loved you this whole time, Toris, and you went off and married someone else. Can't you see how much that hurt me?"

Toris wanted to hold him and tell him how much he was hurting as well, but his arms stayed at his sides. He couldn't bring himself to do that to Natalia. He just couldn't, no matter how much he loved Feliks. So he stood there, his heart shattering in his chest, as he watched Feliks fall apart more and more with every passing moment.

"I loved you so much, and it was my love for you that got me through the camp, Toris," Feliks continued. "How could you do this to me, after all we've been though? I can't believe you would do this to me." His tears were spilling down his cheeks. "I thought we had something special, but I guess it wasn't that special, was it?"

"It was," Toris answered, voice barely above a whisper. "Because I treasure it in my heart."

"Sure seems like it," Feliks sarcastically muttered. He bitterly wiped at his eyes. "I mean nothing to you now. I should have died in that camp, or maybe I should have just let Major Vargas kill me in that jail cell…"

Toris wrapped his arms around Feliks and pulled him close. "Please don't say things like that, Feliks. It hurts me to hear you say them."

"Why the fuck would it hurt you?" Feliks grumbled into his chest. "You thought I was dead anyway. Why does it matter that I'm alive now? You got your stupid happy ending, and here I am, dying alone."

"Dying?" Toris asked.

Feliks laughed bitterly. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not in the best of health. It's only a matter of time, and I've accepted that. I only stuck it out because I wanted to find you before I died and let you know that I love you. And now that I've done that, I'm good to go."

"You have?" Toris asked. "Seems like all you've been is angry with me." His hands snaked down to Feliks's waist.

A small smirk came across the Polish man's lips. "Toris Laurinaitis," he breathed, "I love you more than words can say. I always have, and I know I will until I breathe my last breath. I've just been so bitter because it's not fair that you got a happy ending and I didn't."

Toris kissed Feliks's forehead. "I'm sorry, Feliks. I truly am."

"There's no need to apologize anymore," he said. "What's done is done, and I can't fix that." The Polish man sighed. "I can only hope the best for you, your wife, and your child." He frowned. "But it's too late for me. No doctors can save me now. I didn't even think I'd make it to Russia."

Toris frowned. "What are you saying?" he asked.

"I've done what I need to do," Feliks told him. "I can die in peace now." He smiled up at him. "I can be taken whenever, and that will be okay by me."

The Lithuanian man's eyes filled with tears. "Please don't talk like that," he said. "I don't want to think about things like you dying. You're too important to me. I've grieved over the loss of you enough in my life. I can't grieve over the loss of you again." He shook his head. "I'll find the best doctor I can. I'll-"

Feliks put a finger to Toris's lips. "It's already done, Toris," he softly said. "I'm going to die soon, and there's nothing that can be done about it. I've accepted it, and I need you to as well." He broke out into another coughing fit, covering it with his free hand. It caused him to double over, and once he was done coughing, his hand was once again splattered with blood. He took a moment to himself and continued. "Death is a part of life. It's a thing we all have to accept. But do I regret anything about my life? Of course not. You were the best part of it, though. It's a shame we didn't meet until we were sixteen, though."

Toris sighed. "Yeah," he said. He hugged Feliks. "I don't want you to die."

"But I will," Feliks softly said. "And when I do, I want you to remember me as the boy you knew in Poland, not this. Please, not this." He wrapped his mangled arms around Toris's torso and leaned his head on Toris's shoulder. "Do that for me, please."

"Anything you ask," Toris told him. He kissed the side of Feliks's head.

"Then I have one more request," Feliks told him.

"And what's that?" the Lithuanian man asked him.

"Please, just kiss me one last time," Feliks softly pleaded so his voice wouldn't carry to Toris and Natalia's room. "I just want one last kiss from you."

Toris, filled with emotion and still feeling the frustration from dinner, quickly pressed his lips to Feliks's. It felt so familiar and wonderful. Feliks's lips felt like home to Toris, more than Natalia's did. In that moment, Toris knew that Feliks was his true love, but he knew that he was too late. His heart shattered as they kissed, and tears rolled down his cheeks, mixing with the tears from his former lover's own eyes as well.

When they broke apart, Feliks whispered, "So you felt it too?"

"I did," Toris softly answered. "You are the one I should really be with."

Feliks regretfully nodded. "Toris, I love you. But please stay with Natalia. I only have limited time left in this world. It's not worth it to come with me."

He slowly nodded. "I'm sorry that things ended this way, Feliks."

"Do you believe that there are other lives?" Feliks asked Toris, green eyes locking with his blue ones. He smiled as Toris nodded for his sake. "Then maybe we'll get a chance in the next one, my love."

"I won't fuck it up next time," Toris assured.

"Let's hope not," Feliks softly said. He kissed Toris's lips one last time before saying, "I'm going to bed. Goodnight. I love you."

Toris caught Feliks before he could walk away. "I love you too," he softly told him. "Always."

Feliks smiled and headed to the guest room that Natalia had shown him earlier. He knew deep in his heart that he didn't have much time, and that his time was almost up, but he wished he knew exactly how much time it was. At least he was grateful for what he had been able to do that day. On his way to the room, he said a quick prayer that the Jewish people at the camp had taught him, thanking their God for the time he was able to spend with Toris, letting God know that he was ready to go whenever.

.

Toris woke up the next morning to Natalia screaming bloody murder. He was disoriented as he sat up in bed to find himself alone in their bedroom. Where was Natalia, and what was going on? She didn't just scream for no reason, especially like that. Something was terribly wrong.

His mind then connected the dots. Feliks.

Toris was up and out of bed faster than he ever had been in his life. He was wide awake and alert as he made his way to the guest bedroom, where he found a sobbing Natalia on the floor and an unresponsive Feliks on the bed. His heart dropped into his stomach.

"No," he softly said. "No!" He ran over to Feliks. "Feliks, talk to me! Wake up!" He shook his love, but he already knew that he was long gone. "Feliks, please!" Tears stung at his eyes. "Please!" he pleaded. "This isn't fair!"

"I was just coming in to see if he was awake and needed anything, and he was dead!" Natalia sobbed from where she was sitting in the doorway. She was so shaken up that she couldn't even stand.

Toris fell to his knees. "Oh, God! Please no! This can't be happening! Feliks, please! Please wake up!" His tears began flowing from his eyes like a broken dam. "This isn't funny anymore, Feliks! Wake up!" He shook the man before him, but got no response. "Feliks, please!"

But no matter how much Toris begged and pleaded, Feliks remained the same, unresponsive and cold. It was like a nightmare. Toris knew his former lover was sick. He knew that he was going to die, but why did he have to go like this? Why so soon?

The Lithuanian man buried his face in Feliks's chest and just sobbed for what felt like hours. He felt as if he had lost everything. And who knows, maybe he had. Everything felt as if it were falling apart. What was wrong with the world? He just didn't understand anything anymore. Why did it have to be Feliks? Couldn't it have been someone else? This wasn't fair! He had just gotten him back! Why was the world so cruel as to take him away just like that?

Natalia eventually found the strength to stand and walked over to Toris. She placed and gentle hand between his shoulder blades. "He meant a lot to you, huh?" she asked.

"I wouldn't be alive today without him," Toris sobbed. "I owe him my life, but now he's gone!" He lost it once more and burst into uncontrollable sobs again. "Feliks, why?! Why does it have to be you?!"

His wife felt uncomfortable at the sight of her husband crying. She had never seen him in such distress. She couldn't understand how he felt, considering he didn't talk about Feliks too often. Was it because Feliks was a sore subject for him? "I'll go and get the mortician," she softly said before leaving the room, leaving Toris alone with the body of his former lover.

Toris laid there in the bed next to the deceased Feliks, feeling empty and incomplete. All he could do was ask himself why. Why did it have to be Feliks? Why now? Why did they have to be reunited just to have Feliks taken away overnight? Why was God so cruel as to take him away in such a manner? He just didn't understand what was going on. It wasn't fair.

"Haven't I lost enough?" Toris asked Feliks's body. "First my family, my home, now you? Can't life just cut me a break?" He frowned when Feliks remained silent. "I can't believe you're really gone this time…" His tears had started to dry up, feeling like he couldn't cry anymore. "I loved you, you know. And you're wrong. Not a day went by these past few years where I didn't think about you. Not a damn day." He swept Feliks's blond hair out of his face. "I'll have you buried with your parents in Poland, on that little plot of land just outside of Warsaw, just where you wanted to be one day." He smiled. "Would you like that?"

And in that moment was when Toris realized that Feliks died with a smile on his face.

.

The End


	21. Epilogue

August, 1959, Small Lithuanian Village

Toris stood on the plot of land in Lithuania where his family's farm once stood. It had been burned down in the war, or so the locals who were still left had told him when he had asked about it. None of them had recognized him at all, and they sadly informed him that his family had been in the fire as well and that none of them had escaped.

Though Toris had grieved the loss of them over the years on his own, nothing was more devastating than to know that they really had all died during the war. Those damn Germans, taking everything he loved away from him! He knew he would never forgive them for what they had done in his life and hoped that he would never come face-to-face with Lieutenant Beilschmidt ever again. For if he did, he would probably kill the man with his bare hands.

As he walked the property with Natalia and their children, he felt remorse. There was a silent gloom that hung over him, making him unapproachable by his family as he walked up to the charred remains of his home. He wondered if anything had made it through the fire, though he doubted it had. The Germans were relentless.

He began moving some of the charred remains and something caught his eye. It was a small piece of metal, but he instantly knew what it was. His hands brushed it off, and though it was scorched in some spots, he still smiled as he pictured it around Dalia's neck. The item was none other than the Star of David necklace that she used to wear around her neck.

Not caring where it had been all those years, he brought it to his lips and kissed it, letting his tears fall, before slipping it into his pocket. "Dalia," he whispered as a cool breeze began to blow on him. He wondered if it was her way of saying to let go and be happy again.

Honestly, he hadn't been able to be happy since Feliks had died. He just couldn't let go of the fact that his first love had died like that, and in his care as well. Something just didn't seem right about it. For months, Toris barely said a word, even when his first child was born.

"Papa!" Natasha Laurinaitis called to her father, running over to him. She had his hair and her mother's piercing blue eyes. "What did you find? Was it anything having to do with your family?"

"It was something very special having to do with my family," he said, patting his eldest child's head. He smiled down at her. "I think I've finally found peace with this whole stupid war."

Natalia walked over with a smile on her face. "That's wonderful to hear, Toris," she said. "I've been waiting for so long to hear you say something like that."

"I know you have," he said, looking down at his feet in shame. "And I'm sorry that it's taken so long." He put an arm around Natalia and rested his forehead against hers. "I can finally move on, just like he wanted me to…"

"I think he is smiling down at you from Heaven," Natalia told her husband, smiling as she kissed him softly. "I'm glad that you're finally at peace."

"Me too," he answered, a small smile playing on his lips. He looked down the hill to see his blond son laying down in the field just like he had done when he was younger. "You know, I used to do what he's doing," he said, pointing him out to Natalia. "Every single day, after doing my chores, I would go down into that field and just lie there for hours, looking up at the clouds. I would feel so jealous of them because they got to see the world. They had all kinds of freedom."

"Did you ever think you'd experience as much of an adventure as the one you were given?" Natalia asked him, smiling.

"Never in my damn life," Toris chuckled. He then turned back to the charred remains of his childhood home. "Sorry for swearing," he apologized to the spirits of his parents, whom he believed were still there, causing Natalia to laugh. "You know, I never thought my life would be this amazing in the end," he said, turning back to his wife. "I didn't think I'd ever go to Poland, or even Russia, but I did. I got married, had two wonderful children with the woman of my dreams, and now I'm living the life."

"That's good to hear," Natalia answered. She grabbed Toris's hand and held it. "I wouldn't trade my life right now for the world."

Toris sighed out happily. "Neither would I."

.

Fourteen Years Previous

It had been a week since Feliks had passed away and Toris was like the walking dead. He barely slept or ate. Natalia was lucky to even get him to drink anything other than alcohol. All he could do was mutter about it being all his fault, which the poor wife didn't understand. She knew that Feliks was an important person in Toris's life, but just how important was the man to him?

"Toris, this needs to stop," Natalia said, cornering him in the kitchen one evening. "Things can't keep going on like this. I know that you're upset over the loss of your friend, but it was a week ago. We even had him buried with his family back in Poland at your request. What has you so down?"

"Please," Toris choked out. "I can't talk about it." He hadn't shaven in a week and the stubble on his chin was growing into a beard. "I can't do this, Natalia. I just can't."

"I'm trying to understand," Natalia pleaded. "But I can't understand if you don't let me in!"

Toris suddenly whipped around to face her. "Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I don't want to let you in?" he angrily demanded. "What happened in Poland is my personal business, Natalia, not yours! It has nothing to do with you, and I want it to stay that way!"

Natalia suddenly reached into her boot and pulled out her dagger that she kept in there. Within seconds, she was behind Toris, her knife to his throat and her hand clutching his hair. "I dare you to disrespect me like that again," she growled into his ear. "I am your goddamned wife, and you will treat me with the respect that I deserve regarding that title. Are we understood, Toris?"

He slowly nodded and she lowered the knife. "Perfectly understood," he shakily answered.

"Good." She slid the dagger back into her boot and glared at him. "I don't give a damn if you don't want to let me in, but you had better not be hiding a dark secret from me, Toris. I will find out one day, so you had better hope it's you that I find it out from."

Toris didn't like her threat, so he scoffed and went outside to do more yardwork to calm himself down. He couldn't believe she had actually pulled the dagger on him like that. That only happened when they were in extremely serious fights. This fight was highly minor compared to the fight they had gotten into when they found out she was pregnant.

All he could do was roll his eyes as he went about his business, like always, and ignored his unpleasant wife. He knew it wouldn't be too long before she had the baby and would become more of a joy to be around again, but oh, how the waiting was loathed.

.

Fourteen Years Later

Toris let out a gasp of surprise as Natasha ran up behind him and jumped on his back. Her giggles brought him back to reality as he smiled. "Can you believe that this is where I grew up?" he asked her. "I grew up doing exactly what your brother is doing down there," he told her, smiling down at his son with fond pride. "Some days, I would just lay there for hours."

"How old were you when you did that?" Natasha asked, leaning forward to peek over her father's shoulder at him.

"I wasn't much older than you," Toris answered. He began to think back. "Let's see, I moved to Poland when I was sixteen, so I guess that was the last time I laid in the field like that."

"Why don't we all go and lie there together?" Natasha suggested, looking to both of her parents. "Come on, it'll be fun!" she encouraged. Her eyes pleaded with Natalia and Toris until they looked to each other and smiled.

"I don't see what harm it will do," Natalia answered, smiling at her husband. She shrugged. "Let's go join your brother then, Natasha."

Toris led the way down the hill, hoping that his young son wouldn't mind them all coming down to join him in his cloud gazing. It reminded him of summer days back in Poland, when he and Feliks would lay on the rooftop and stare up at the clouds for hours.

.

Mid-July, 1941, Warsaw, Poland

Toris and Feliks aid side-by-side on the rooftop, their hands intertwined between them as they smiled. They were both happy as could be as they peacefully laid there together and stared up at the clear, blue sky, watching the clouds drift in and out.

"What shapes do you see?" Toris asked, looking over at Feliks with a smile.

"In the clouds?" Feliks asked, still staring up into the sky. He squinted his eyes a little. "I think I see what looks like a duck?" His tone was questioning as he glanced over at Toris. "I think that's what I see?"

"You think?" Toris laughed. He looked up at the sky for a moment, squinting as well. "I see it too, I think." His eyes went to the cloud that was in the shape of a rubber duck, or something similar. He then looked over at Feliks. "I see a Feliks."

Feliks grinned widely. "And I see a Toris," he answered. He winked over at his lover and licked his lips in desire. "When it's hot outside, I see you like this, I almost can't contain myself."

"Can't contain what?" Toris teasingly asked with a wink. He unbuttoned the top half of his shirt. "It really is hot out here, though, isn't it?" All he wanted to do was tease his lover and get as much as he could out of their time together. He suddenly rolled over and propped himself up over Feliks.

"I can't see the clouds anymore," Feliks commented, shyly looking up at Toris.

"Neither can I," Toris answered. He looked lustfully down at Feliks, hoping that he could make his lover squirm beneath him. His lips lightly caressed Feliks's before he pushed himself back up, leaving his love wanting more.

Feliks whimpered in surprise. "Why did you stop?" he asked.

Toris grinned down at him. "Just to leave you guessing."

"You're so mean," the blond sighed before wrapping his arms and legs around Toris and pulling him down on top of him. "Just kiss me and love me, baby. Nothing but that." He open-mouth kissed Toris and let his fingers roam over his bare chest.

The Lithuanian boy let out a soft moan. "I didn't know you were so demanding."

"I thought you should know this by now," Feliks said, letting out a quick giggle. "Why are you so surprised?" He began to kiss down Toris's neck and to his chest, relishing in his lover's moans. "I can make you feel really good. You know that, don't you?"

His lover was unable to speak, starting to become overcome by lust. Toris could barely believe what was going on. First he was cloud gazing with his lover, and now they were about to make love on the rooftop in the middle of the day. Or at least he hoped they were about to. His heart had begun to race.

"And I know you can make me feel really good," Feliks continued with a smirk. He winked up at Toris. "So why don't we just get down to it?" He pulled on Toris's shirt, untucking it from his pants. His fingers expertly unbuttoned the rest of the buttons instead of ripping the shirt open like he wanted to. He knew Toris got upset after the fact whenever he did that. "Take me," he softly said, undoing Toris's pants.

And moments later, that was exactly what Toris did, right there on the rooftop.

.

August, 1959, Small Lithuanian Village

Toris, Natalia, and Natasha made their way down the hill toward the field where the youngest of their family laid, his head in the clouds. They all wanted to look up into the clouds as a family and see the shapes together.

"Mind if we join you?" Natalia asked her ten-year-old son. She smiled down at the boy who looked a lot like her.

"No," the boy answered. He looked up at his family. "I'm just looking up at the clouds, though. It's not really that interesting."

"Of course it is," Toris answered, sitting next to him. "I used to lie right where you currently are and stare up at the sky for hours when I was your age. That's how I spent a lot of my childhood."

The boy's eyes lit up. "Really?" he excitedly asked. He suddenly didn't feel so odd anymore. At least not by his father's standards. All his life, he had always felt that he was different from everyone. He couldn't explain why, though. It was just a feeling he had. But it was his father who always made him feel as if he belonged.

"Of course," Toris answered with a wide smile. "It was the only way that I ever wanted to pass my time." He smiled fondly, laying back.

"That's so cool!" his son enthused. "So I can be just like you when I do this?"

"Just like me," Toris proudly assured with a smile. He spared a glance over at his young son to see the boy's eyes on him and full of excitement.

Ever since his boy was born, Toris had hoped that he would take after him and want to follow in his footsteps. It was all he had ever wanted, was a son who was just like him. Luckily enough, he was blessed enough to have a daughter who was just like him as well. Though his son's looks favored Natalia, his personality was highly similar to his father's. And for that, Toris was proud.

The boy was beaming as he looked back up into the sky with a dreamy expression. His smile could barely fit on his face. All he wanted in life was to make his father proud and to be just like him. Though there was a lot he didn't know about his father, he hoped that he could learn it one day. That was his dream, to have his father one day tell him the secrets he told no one else.

Together, the family laughed together and watched the clouds all afternoon before getting ready to head back to the inn where they had decided to stay. They had gone there, not expecting to find Toris's family anyway.

"Dad, who was I named after?" his son asked, pulling Toris aside and looking up at him. "My name isn't a normal one. I don't even think it's Russian."

"Because it's not," Toris answered. "You, my son, are named after the bravest and most selfless person I ever knew. He taught me a lot of things that I thought I already knew. You are named after the strongest person I have ever met in my entire life. Did you know that your name means 'the lucky one'?"

"I didn't know that," his son answered.

"You were named after the best friend I ever had in my entire life," his father continued. "And to this day, my heart aches when I think of him. Please always wear your name proudly."

"I will," the boy said with a smile.

"Thank you," Toris said, "Feliks."

.

The End.


End file.
